Lose FAAT with HIIT! $7 Program!

I rarely push any product. I don't believe in many of them to the point that I would tout them as "totally worth the effort to work for the money to afford them."

Turbulence Training is different. It is a game-changer. It is about using your body as your gym, shortening your workouts, increasing your intensity, and giving you a mindset of training for fitness, not vanity. (Vanity is a fantastic side-effect, of course.

And for a very short time, Craig Ballantyne (Men's Health, Turbulence Training mastermind, Interval Training Guru, 8-pack Ab owner) is selling 3 of his best programs for only $7.

$7. You drank more than that watching the game.
$7. You ate more hot wings than that at lunch twice last week.
$7. That's it. Nothing more to buy.
2 programs, + 1 freebie. $7. Normally $90. No. $7. That's way cheaper.
But all the same workouts

When compared to driving to the gym ($3 gas) and getting a
Charbucks on the way ($4.50), this "at home fat burning method"
is already cheaper (and more effective) after just one day.

=> Save money and burn fat at home (here's how) Turbulence Training; BodyWeight Cardio

But hurry, Craig is only promising the solution
for just a few more hours.

PS - What the heck is this new type of cardio...

...that Geoff is goin' nuts over?

You're about to discover a way to burn fat and improve your
health without fancy, expensive equipment.  FAST.

=> Save money and burn fat at home (Trade $7 for Fitness Here)

==--==--==-==
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MC, HOST, CORPORATE, COMEDY, SEATTLE, GEOFF, LOTT

Weight A Minute

I worked out this morning, like most mornings over the past 3 months, with one particular goal...

Kick My Own Ass. I want my heart to be thumping out of my chest. I want my muscles to be on fire with lactic acid building up, and feel like I could take down a full-grown puma or maybe a bouncer.

No, it doesn't translate to my daily life. I rarely have to knock out 4 types of push-ups and jump over a chair 10 times to get my point across. I have yet to be challenged to a Joke-Off with a tie-breaker of Hindu Squats under 2 minutes. But ya know what?

I like working out. So I do it.



I have been over 200 pounds since I was 14 years old. If you doubt me, ask any of the girls at my Jr. High and High School who wouldn't date me. My weight has fluctuated in the past 10 years from 220 to 260, the former being during a period of long morning walks and lack of proper hydration, the latter during a regimen of HMB + lifting HEEEAVY weights + eating 300 grams of protein a day, and drinking 1000 calories a night. I have never been what most people would call "svelte." The majority of the criticism of my body as an adult has been in my own head.

Until recently.


I have read hundreds of articles about nutrition, training, recovery, fat loss, fat torching, fat burning, fat teasing, methods, modes, and maniacal fitness. If you want to know something about losing weight quickly, you can ask me. If you want to pack on muscle, ask me. If you want to get shredded, ask me. Ultimately, I am convinced it comes down to 4 elements:

1. Nutrition: The fewer processed foods you eat, the better off you are. The fewer ingredients, the lower the added sugar and flour and fat, the healthier the food. Protein & Produce. I'm not the perfect eater, I have days where I do bad, bad things to brownies in the name of Ice Cream. I put moves on Chocolate in front of my wife before. But I try to eat rightly 90% of the time.


2. Exercise: Short,intense workouts are better for building a nice physique than long, thigh-rubbing cardio. If you've seen Olympic sprinters vs. the winner a marathon, you know what I mean. Look up HIIT, or check out my link to the Right for Turbulence Training. but you gotta MOVE. You gotta. Walk, sprint, bike, power-billiards, yoga, jiu-jitsu, cop wrestling, just SWEAT a bit.


3. Attitude: If you don't want to exercise, you won't. WANT TO. I had to change my attitude recently about working out, from "Have To" into "Like To." I don't have to work out. I like to work out. I like how it feels to be strong, and carry my son around without getting winded, or being able to take one day a week and power-eat and not get down about it.
   
4. Genetics: When I see stories about a guy who gained 80lbs in college, then lost 75 by cutting out that third cheeseburger each day, I want to staple his left-over belly skin to his thighs. His genetics aren't like mine.

Of course I'd like to sport a leaner physique, but I'm not gonna pummel myself over it anymore. It's not worth it, emotionally, to get caught up in my own thoughts about what I think other people *might* think when they look at me. I don't care. ))shrug((

I'm in fantastic shape for a comedian, good shape for a dad, and decent shape for a guy who is ready to enjoy life. And brownies.
===========

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You're Fat and Want To Get Skinny And Have Sex

I've got insider fat loss information for you today!  I have done this
program and it's only for people who HATE long cardio sessions.

Fat loss expert Craig Ballantyne researched his transformation
winners and have summarized their exact blueprint workout programs
for fat loss that they used to lose 10, 20, and even 34 pounds in
just 12 weeks.

Let's start with Catherine, one of the most famous TT transformation
superstars, here are the 3 programs she used over the 12 weeks:

1) Turbulence Training for Abs
2) TT Buff Dudes-Hot Chicks
3) TT for Amazing Lower Abs

NOTE: The most popular program used by contest winners was the TT
for Buff Dudes & Hot Chicks.

And that program was the basis for the new "TT Transformation"
workout that was made available yesterday to all TT Members - and
you'll get this new "TT Transformation" workout when you take the
21-day Turbulence Training trial offer today:

=> ARE YOU READY TO GET FIT, THIN, AND "ACTION"?

Next up, let's look at what Guttorm - the Norwegian contest winner -
used to kick-start his life change. You'll notice that he actually
followed the Turbulence Training for Fat Loss manual "by the book",
in the exact order the programs are listed.

1) Beginner Turbulence Training
2) Intermediate Turbulence Training
3) Original Turbulence Training

There's something to be said for simplicity. Sticking to the basics
works.

In fact, that's what Jonny Munro did to win contest #3. He used the
same order of TT workouts:

1) Beginner
2) Intermediate
3) Original

Now if you want a little more muscle, here's a cool "Meathead
Transformation" system to follow, PROVEN by Mike Gaglione:

1) Reformed Meathead Fat Loss
2) TT Hard-Core
3) TT for Buff Dudes & Hot Chicks (again!)

Now let's take a look at the two folks who lost over 30 pounds in
Transformation #3.

First, you shouldn't be surprised by the three workout series used
by Robyn - our reigning champ with 34 pounds lost! She used:

1) TT Beginner Level Workout - about 3 weeks
2) TT Intermediate Level Workout - almost 5 weeks
3) TT Buff Dudes, Hot Chicks Workout - about 4 weeks

How cool is that?!

Alright, so knowing what we know now...what "progression" should
beginners and advanced folks use?

Its simple...here we go.

For beginners, do what Robyn did but with a slight TWIST:

1) TT Beginner Total Torso Training (January 2010 workout)
2) Intermediate Turbulence Training
3) TT for Buff Dudes & Hot Chicks

Spend 4 weeks in each program. You should lose over 20 pounds and
you'll look totally freaking AMAZING in 12 weeks from now.

For ADVANCED folks, here is the absolute best 3-program progression
that is your blueprint for radically transforming your body:

1) TT Hard-Core (June 2006 workout)
2) TT for Buff Dudes & Hot Chicks (February 2009)
3) TT Transformation (January 2010)

Remember:
The NEW "TT Transformation" workout is based on TT for Buff Dudes
and Hot Chicks, which is clearly the MOST POPULAR program among our
contest winners.

So you know that TT Transformation is going to be an amazing workout.

You'll get this new "TT Transformation" workout when you take the
21-day Turbulence Training trial offer today:

=> DO THIS NOW AND IN 60 DAYS YOU'LL BE HAPPIER AND SEXIER

Now that you have a complete blueprint for fat loss success, its
just a matter of time before you are lean and fit - and maybe even
the winner of the TT transformation contest!

Your friend,

Geoff Lott

2010 - The Year I Told You So

Why are we making resolutions?
A recent study by the American Institute of Studies & Results resulted in a study that showed Resolutions aren't as valuable as PRINCIPLES. My principles can't be broken. I have exhibited a certain "Principle Flexibility" from time to time, but NEVER have I gone so far as to call the police when it was something I could handle myself. Which is why I invested time and money into learning non-lethal trapping techniques.

But there are goals I do have for the year. Broken down to a smaller basis, it's more of a week-to-week thing for me. Listing them here would be silly, narcissistic, and dissipating of their energy. But when you see my new hairstyle, oh... you'll know we're on the Path, friends.

I see a change happening, however. It may be that I'm entrenched in my mid-30s with a warehouse of possibilities in front of me. But I do see more people extending small courtesies to each other. After a year in Los Angeles the opening of a door for a stranger there was met with a moment of pause as if their exit was to be met with a "LOOK AT MY SCRIPT!" Nothing seemed Free. Everybody expected somebody to want something from them. And guess what? KINDNESS IS FREE. Merging without a blinker, however, is for animal abusers.

2010 is going to be whatever you want it to be. Stop listening to reports of Economic Anemia, Stolen Organs, and Terror, Terror!, TERROR! Be the kind of Person you'd want to hang out with. Show Compassion. Let the Poo River flow under your Serenity Bridge. And stop reading "The Secret."



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Why're You Sweatin' It?

Hey folks, here's the deal... You gotta try this plan. GOTTA! And it helps me get a little coin in my pocket, I won't kid ya.

I firmly believe in the Turbulence Training plans. They've helped me drop about 15lbs since the start of the year, all of it fat. It'd prob'ly be more but I'll admit my diet isn't always the cleanest. And lately I'm cleaning it up, and dropped another 2lbs the past two weeks, while getting leaner and smaller where it counts.

After all, you can't out-train a bad diet. It's impossible.

We need something better. And here are the 3 secrets to fat loss.

1) You need to forget about the weekend and get back on your diet of
whole, natural foods. One of America's top nutritionists, Dr. Chris
Mohr, gives you the exact plan to follow along with the Turbulence
Training workouts.

Get the best fat burning plan here:

TURBULENCE TRAINING!

2) You also need social support. That means going online, and
spending time in the Turbulence Training member's forum where you
can ask expert Craig Ballantyne any fat loss question you want.

Plus, you'll get positive support and encouragement from other folks
just like you all over the world who want to lose fat and change
their bodies too.

3) You need short, burst fat burning workouts that get you more 
results in less time...and that you actually enjoy doing.

That's why Craig Ballantyne is giving you FIVE free workouts this
week when you grab your copy of the NEW and improved Turbulence
Training for Fat Loss workout routine.

Find out more here:

FAT-LOSS MUSCLE BUILDING IS A CLICK AWAY


HOWEVER...


So grab your copy of Turbulence Training and start losing belly fat
(and maybe even winning money!) today.

Click here for Turbulence Training and 5 free workouts:

CHECK THIS OUT, YOU DESERVE IT.

Don't wait another day to start transforming your body.

So go here and get started with Turbulence Training today!


Oh, and Craig Ballantyne follows his own advice, and looks like THIS...

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Do You Have 21 Days To Get Fit... -ter?

Yes, I'm gonna push this on you. For your own good, though, because I loves ya.

There's a 21 Day Trial-Offer, too, in case you need to try it out for a bit before you commit. You know, like all of your relationships. (awkwaaard)

Gang, I gotta tell you the truth. Last year I combined Turbulence Training with a clean-ish diet, and got great results. My weight tipped about 230lbs, and I was sick of it. I didn't look bad, just schlubby. Soft in the middle. I wanted to move faster and have more stamina, just for life. I wanted to look better on stage. I wanted my wife to say, "Yes, that's a hunk of man right there," and be pointing at ME.

And I didn't want to do 45min of empty-gut cardio in the morning, and an hour of weight-tossing antics with meatloads in the afternoon before eating a pound of steak and 3 yards of broccoli for dinner.

I found Turbulence Training, a plan incorporating Interval Training with Weight Lifting.

So I bought the package. And in 2 weeks, I had lost 5lbs. Of fat. That's 87,500 calories burned in 14 days. My bodyweight dropped 11lbs, and the bodyfat % dropped nicely.

After my dad passed away, hey, guess who did some stress eating? Then guess who was in Vegas for 10 days? And guess who put on 11lbs in 8 weeks?

AND GUESS WHO returned to Turbulence Training in February and just dropped his 12th LardBrick since then? Even though I did slip here and there, it's working. It works. It does.

Go. Go. Go. It's almost shirt-removal weather. You can look better, sleep better, feel betterin your clothes (or out!), and you can do it in under an hour, 3-4 days a week.

Q&A

1. Do I need a gym membership? NO, you can do this with your own bodyweight, like a gladiator.
2. I'm a woman, a hot one, so will this work for me? YES, with the Female Specific workouts. You're not going to look like a linebacker, unless you're on a ton of 'Roids again. You're gonna be a leaner version of YOU. Sexy.
3. I wanna pack on muscle. OKAY, not a question, but you can do this, too, with TT.
4. So Now what? GO HERE, CLICK HERE, DO THIS! You have nothing to lose but, well... you know.
   

CLICK HERE
Help you, help me. Help me help you. Help us both! You can do this. Give it a shot.

Wuss.


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A GREAT PACKAGE - FITNESS WISE!

I have bad news. I rarely do that here, but this is a program I believe in for fitness and strength unlike any other. Turbulence Training!

At Noon (EST) on Thursday, January 8th, all of the free bonuses in the Ultimate Turbulence Training for Fat Loss Solution are going to be removed. There are like 10 extras here, for less than a yearly membership to a meathead local franchise gym!

• The Turbulence Training 6-Month Bodyweight Manual (no equipment needed)
  
• The TT Bodyweight 500 Workout Challenge (this will torch you)
  
• The TT for Athletes 8-Week Training Program (prevent injury, amp performance)
  
• The TT Ultimate Advanced Bodyweight Workout (wanna look like a Spartan?)
  
• The TT Bodyweight 1000 Fat Burning Challenge (only for those who can push themselves)
  

I don’t even want to think about how much you’d have to pay to get them separately. So don’t miss your chance to get them for free. I use Turbulence Training for Fat Loss and I love it. I can’t recommend the program enough. Seriously, I have gotten quickly back down, losing the 7lbs I gained after the stressful holidays.

And I promise you that you’ll love it, or Craig Ballantyne, the creator of Turbulence Training, will give you your money back. You have nothing to lose (except belly fat).

But all of the extra bonus goodie workouts will be removed from this incredible offer at Noon (EST) on Thursday, January 8th.

So don’t waste any more time. Visit this site to grab the Ultimate Turbulence Training Fat Loss Solution and all of your fast action bonuses:
CLICK HERE NOW!
CLICK HERE NOW!
CLICK HERE NOW!
CLICK HERE NOW!
CLICK HERE NOW!
CLICK HERE NOW!

GO GO GO!

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Fit In Where You Get In - TURBULENCE TRAINING RULES

When I first started lifting weights at the age of 13, I had no clue what I was doing. I would hoist anything heavy until I couldn't lift it anymore, then rest for about 3 minutes, then try it again. Push-ups and whatever we did in Jr. High PE classes, which I hated, because I was a chubbo.

As I got older, I realized that I really don't NEEEEED to bench 350lbs. It so rarely comes up that a gig requires me to close with the 800lb deadlift. So I searched, researched, and re-researched something that would help me
1) Burn and lose fat
2) Build and keep muscle without sacrificing cardio quality
3) Be portable, so I don't have to be in a gym/meatmarket to keep progressing
4) Constantly challenging

I found TURBULENCE TRAINING. Started up by Craig Ballantyne, this guy puts together seriously challenging workouts you can do with your own bodyweight. No 45minutes of treadmill walking. You're done with the entire workout in about 40min. If you have 40min laying around, 3 times a week, get this. You deserve it. I did these workouts prior to my triathlon in 2006 and it got me in shape like nothing else, even while I "rested" my shinsplints.

Here's a pic of Craig, if you want some proof. I am nowhere near this ripped, but if necessary, I could single-handedly grapple a puma.

It turns out that just about 15 years ago, Craig was heading down
the wrong path...eating and drinking too much and not working out.

But one day just after Christmas in 1994, Craig stumbled upon a
bodyweight workout that changed his life.

I want you to read the rest of Craig's embarrassing story here:

Check it out!

To mark the anniversary of the turning point in his life, Craig is
launching the Turbulence Training Bodyweight Fat Burning Solution,
full of all of his best bodyweight workouts...

PLUS, his NEWEST workout - the TT Hotel Room Workouts that even
include FOLLOW-ALONG workouts for the beginner and intermediate.

It's like having Craig Ballantyne as your personal trainer in the
comfort of your own home!

You'll get instant access to these NEW workouts, but MORE
importantly, he's also going to ship you FREE DVD's of the Hotel
Room Workouts and his most popular bodyweight workouts.

In fact, he's holding a PRE-launch sale for the first 50 copies and
cutting the price by 50 bucks.

This new Turbulence Training Bodyweight Fat Burning Solution package
includes...

1) DVD's and hardcopy manual of the 6-Month TT Bodyweight Program

2) A DVD and hardcopy manual of my NEW, Never-Seen-Before TT Hotel
Room Workouts (featuring the first ever "follow-along" beginner and
intermediate TT workouts)

3) A DVD and hardcopy manual of the TT Bodyweight 500

4) A DVD and hardcopy manual of the TT Bodyweight 1000

5) Free shipping on all of the above

6) And a Free 1-Year Platinum Turbulence Training Membership

The value of the entire Turbulence Training Bodyweight Fat Burning
Solution is over $1662.89, but the first 50 copies are available in
this Pre-Launch Sale for only $247.

(NOTE: These copies are going so fast since the website went "live"
yesterday that there are only 21 copies remaining at the PRE-release
price!.)

Grab yours here: (or up at the "CLICK HERE" link in my links on the upper Right)

=> http://www.BodyweightCardio.com

(But the low price and free shipping won't be around for long.)

Turn your life around today,

Geoffers
CLICK HERE NOW, You deserve this!

PS - Don't forget, you'll receive...

1) DVD's and hardcopy manual of the 6-Month TT Bodyweight Program

2) A DVD and hardcopy manual of my NEW, Never-Seen-Before TT Hotel
Room Workouts (featuring the first ever "follow-along" beginner and
intermediate TT workouts)

3) A DVD and hardcopy manual of the TT Bodyweight 500

4) A DVD and hardcopy manual of the TT Bodyweight 1000

5) Free shipping on all of the above

6) And a Free 1-Year Platinum Turbulence Training Membership

This package is worth over $1662.89, but it's yours for only $247...

BUT only 21 copies remain at the PRE-release price of $247!

Get started here:

=> GET GOING NOW!

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"BABY MAMA" is A Crowning Achievement

Last night I got home to find my wife having ordered a movie OnDemand, as it was a relatively slow evening in the later hours. I had gone out to a show to see a buddy of mine here, and met with other Seattle-ite comics, whom I think are more than ready to make funny here in LA. That's for another time.

So, Wife ordered "Baby Mama," starring the foolproof duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler (Pee-oh-el-ee-r, I think. No, "Peeler," okay). Synopsis of the movie is that Kate Holbrook (Tina's character) is ready to have a baby, but can't, because she's got a problem with having a baby. I don't want to give too much away here. (She may have been born a dude, they don't really explore that much in the film, but it would have made Tina Fey even hotter). So she enlists Angie Ostrowski (Amy Poehler's character) to carry the baby inside her (Angie's) uterine walls, played by Utris Jackson (former all-conference forward at North Texas A&M, 1993). In some circles this is called "Surrogate Mothering" or "The Rosie O'Donnell Method."

I, frankly, barf OnDemand when I smell a romantic comedy. Or anything "precious" in a movie, where it's obvious they're pulling at your heartstrings instead of being able to close a scene properly. This is not a romantic comedy, if that's what you're looking for. There's a romantic element to it, where Greg Kinnear is totally puttin' it to Kate in the movie (Kinnear is great in everything, btw). But really, the movie steers more towards COMEDY. And I know comedy.

So what did I think?

This movie is awesome. I laughed really heartily, out-loud, gut-busting at a LOT of stuff. Angie Ostrowski is a manic, immature, goofball with no business carrying a flu virus let alone a fetus. Kate Holbrook is a manic, anal retentive, do-gooder with a heart of organic tofu that demands a lot more out of Angie as the host-ut'ris. It's like "The Odd Couple," with spotting! The movie tells the story of these women with hopes and dreams, their polar-opposite personalities and common goals dancing around each other like a Polka in a Mosh Pit. HILARIOUS movie. Seriously. Amy Poehler's great, Steve Martin is again a subtle master, and you just get way more than you deposited. Like getting triplets when all you expected was dinner!

Truly, "Baby Mama" is now OnDemand. On DVD soon, if not already. Totally worth it.
I'm not lying or being snarky, I swear. SEE THIS MOVIE.

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Feels Like I'm Losing It Sometimes

Lately, without a dayjob and getting every other thing in order in life...

such as registering a car in a new state, getting smog-checked, taking a driver's test, handling insurance, handling renter's insurance, calling after jobs, handling investments, etc...

I have to spend a lot of time on the phone. Supposedly that is to make life more convenient. But I have a network or a phone or a connection or a bunch of people on the other end that are seriously malfunctioning. And that lack of ability to communicate with one's mouth and brain in full connection is incredibly widespread, and causing me to understand how our economy could very well be undermined by people who finance their clothing.

When I think of having to call an institution about an account change or anything that will cause me to change anything at all... which means i have to talk to a person!!!!!!!... I cringe. I don't want to hunch up, but I do. It's a gut reaction, as my gut churns while I think of the menu I have to negotiate (these will soon be a thing of the past, BTW, if we really want to stimulate the economy), leading me to a complete stranger. So every call is another communication style to learn and adapt to. And if the person on the other end of the phone is pissed off or underpaid or self-righteous, I'm in for an overly long call. Just read my previous entry on Lingo.com. That company can suck it with their eyes open.

I am who I am, a good guy who is doing the best he can to get in and get moving in his career, meet people, and be the kind of guy I would want to hang out with. There's no horn-tooting there, I have had to TRY very hard to make that happen every friggin' time I leave the house. It gets easier and easier each time because I have a clean slate of interaction where ever I go now. Nobody knows me. So I can joke around and chat it up and be as cordial as I want to be. Maybe I'm the only person in that person's day who didn't tell them they should go back to furrier school. I am who I am. And if you hung out with me for a while and had some beer, I think you, too, would like me. If you replenished the beer, that, too, would be nice of you, but no pressure.

LA is bigger than Seattle. It sprawls. It's got more of everybody, every color, every background. So by sheer numbers of people, there are more people doing dumb things and rude things and dipshit things, and those always stand out. Example... Stopping at a red light doesn't make nearly the impact as running a red light and T-boning a car ALSO running that red and making a left in front of the hitter. It's rampant here. I don't even chance that water. And these people aren't ever going anywhere. If it were that important, they'd have left their shit-tents much earlier.

So today, I'll chalk it up to heat and frustration and get it out of my system. Writing and a good hard workout later. I am going to a church service tonight, also, overdue for us. I knew it was bad a few weeks ago when we attended a church service and all I could think was "this pastor can't preach for shit. This guy's awful. I've heard more passion in a Little League dugout." Then his pushy wife went up and had the full-pew press about getting people to attend, you BETTER attend, DON'T THINK ABOUT NOT ATTENDING, YOU SINNERS, for some Halloween thing she wanted to do. And I sat there and judged them like they were dancing their way across the floor for my amusement. So I need something bigger than Me right now to focus on.

Today I walked by 17 people. I counted them, because I wanted to do an experiment on how people react to strangers on the street. Of the 17, 14 were wearing sunglasses. Of those 17, 2 were on bikes. Of the 17, 4 of them and I traded "Hello"s or "good morning"s. All 4 of them were white. The other 13 were all non-white. No eye contact, no recognition. Just a fact, that's how it went for me this morning. But, hey, I'm not shutting off or down. Next time, however, maybe I shouldn't dress as a cop.

On the bright side, it's nearly 80 degrees already, no clouds in the sky. I got calls to make.

Hello, Xanax?

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Shooting The Shots

Fantastic. I was invited to take on a role in a movie called "The Consultants," a feature film being produced by 21st Street Films. No word yet on release dates. BUT, I was excited to try this out because
A) Trying new things leads to growth of the persona, personality, wessonality, and sometimes, crippling embarrassment. Trying new things also has led to many a disease, explosion, and sometimes a dis-ease where one experiences a cripplingly embarrassing explosion (hello street-vendor sushi!).
AND...
B) I'm here to do that Show Business stuff.

It's great to be among highly creative, motivated people. It puts a little extra ZIP in the step, realizing that this flowing river isn't slowing for anybody. Get in your tube, drop in, and enjoy it. I'll make sure everyone who reads this blog on the regular knows when "The Consultants," also starring Geoff Lott as "Tommy," will be released. I am NOT in the trailer, my friend Tony Moser is, however. And he's pretty good.

The real lesson here is about sacrifice. I sacrificed a full day of watching Football, including the 3rd team from Washington State to get their asses handed to them on the grid-iron this weekend. But I got to spend 8 hours around a top-notch independent-style filming movie crew, meet great folks, and build my experiences up.

So when you come home and there's a cleaned-up house, a ready dinner, and tired loved one waiting for you, guess what ya do?
YOU SCOOP THE CAT'S BOX-LEAVINGS WITHOUT QUESTION, AND A HEAPIN' HOT MOUND OF GLEE, that's what you do. Because Acting is Real Reacting to Imaginary Situations. But chores, and cat's doo, are very, very real.

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The Work Is Out

Interval training.
Tha SHIZZ.

Do you have 90minutes to work out?
NO.
If you do, you have an incredible body, and seriously flabby personality.

You know how that Stop & Go driving burns gas outta yer car, so you don't wanna do that?
That same principle holds true for Interval Training.

High-Intensity Interval Training, or HIIT, or sHIIT, is what you're gonna wanna be doing from now on for your work-'em-out regimen.

What happens is you max out your effort for a short period of time, say for 20 seconds. Then rest for a minute, let your body recover, and then you blast it again. You're shocking your body into action, and it responds by releasing a lot of growth hormone and other stuff I can't spell, all of which lead to your body looking for every available energy source not strapped to a tendon and to a bone. Such as adipose tissue, or "body fat," or "the place where feelings go and people don't." Not saying you have any, just sayin' that IF YOU DID... you're gonna wanna HIIT it.

Again, who would you rather look like?
Wrong picture. Sorry.
ANYwho...

I subscribe to TurbulenceTraining. I bought the program earlier this year, and here's what it's done for me...
1) I'm leaner than I have ever been, dropped about 4% bodyfat in 3 months. Could have done better, but that's my fault with my diet and thinking I could eat cheese without any adverse affects. There's a great nutrition plan included, which I followed for the past 2 weeks and ripped another 3lbs off.
2) My cardiovascular shape is better than ever. I did 7 full-bore hill sprints this morning (12% grade) and jogged the mile home. Sweating? You bet. Dying? Nope.
3) Strong? Uh... MAJORLY. This is both a cardio and anaerobic (muscle-building) program, so you will be getting a full body workout in under an hour. The longest I've spent on a workout here is about 55min. I was screwing around for a good 15 of that, so again, you will do better than I.

So yes, I promote Craig Ballantyne's "TurbulenceTraining" program whole-heartedly. If you want to work out 2 hours a day, 5 days a week, you go ahead. If you have any energy left when you're done, me and the rest of the HIIT'ers will be hanging out with the sexy crew.

By the way, Craig is a devotee of his own program. He looks like this...

I don't.
Yet.


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A Traffic, Oil, And Giant Solution To Problems

My solution to traffic, fender-benders, the insurance industry, road rage, fat-cat oil company profiteers who can't drill in the Mexican Sea Gulf, drunk driving, that dipshit with the loud rap music stereo blasty-boom, people who demand you get out of their way because they are late for a latté, your impending short-comings due to underestimating the intense influence of a red-head, lowered Acuras driven by shit-head kids with no insurance crossing 4 lanes in 1/8 of a mile after merging, and Calvin peeing on a rival car makers.

(ahem)

Oh, and Nick Hogan.

Everybody would be in pods that have giant magnets in the front and back. Front magnets and rear magnets have opposite polarities, but all fronts have the same and and all rears have the same. See, that means you get close to, but not crash into, the other cars.




Then, the entire system runs on tracks that are magnetized, like those tracks that the bullet trains run on in Japan, Germany, and every other country we've kicked the S out of in a war. Losers better their positions, and the winners walk around making movies about our triumphs, that we have to drive to at $4.37 a gallon. Assclowns. And you zip right along, ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP. The track has magnets that switch polarities and zip you along quietly, with the only exhaust coming from Michael Savage.

THEN, you get in your pod, which would be like a comfortable little office or customized bathroom with a TV and WiFi connection and a place to "do business" and a boss-ass system. You punch in where you wanna go, hit the GO button, and you zip into the flow of traffic that is on the rail.

The rail system senses you coming in, and slows a car down a half-mile back, so you get right into where you fit best. NO MERGING. NO ASSFACE DISSING YOU FOR TRYING GET AHEAD OF THEM, HOW DARE YOU, SeatSniffer. And bingo, you're in the flow in a Merge/Purge lane.

Merge/Purge? That's the lane on the far right that goes about 15 M'sPH slower than the rest of traffic. You go there FIRST, then you get into traffic, and the lanes go faster depending on how far you have to go. If you're in it for the long haul, you get way to the left and zoom along at about 70-80 M'sPH. If you're heading to Trader Joe's, you get about 45 M'sPH, while finalizing your shopping list and talking to your therapist.

HANDS FREE, of course.
And I will still miss meetings because I'll leave the house 3/10ths of a second later than I ought to.

NO, this won't work, I know that.
Because we love our cars.
They give us the personality where our Personality should be.

And because people love being Tail-Gated by the... BITCH... who can't drive and talk at the same time and then acts like it's MY fault that she's gonna be late to work at the tanning salon. And it's not. It's her fault she can't keep her GPA up at a Vo-Tech.

And because the guy in the BMW M3 I see every day passing in school zones would have to develop a NEW skill to compensate for a flaccid personality. I wanna gutterball that doosh.

And because we love pulling to a red light, in the right-hand lane, and sitting behind the bootch who ain't seen that it's a RightTurnOnly lane, and there's no cross-traffic, so GO... GO AHEAD... go go go go go go GO GO GO GO GO GO GO... go. Please. Oh CheezIts Crepes, I'm going to push you into traffic. (yes, this happened today).

So anywho, that's just my suggestion. I think we're close to accepting the notions I proposed. However, until we find a way for people to be employed on the magnetic roads thing... I'll be cruising around town in a car not unlike the one seen below.

You know... for personality.

The great minds are all off-center, off-kilter, and need to be that way.

I'm changing the world. YOU change the lightbulbs.

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Working It Out #7

My wife and I, on Monday's night, work out in a group at our church. It's an offshoot of a popular subculture of fitness focused on intense, short workouts that are designed NOT for you to plod along, but to burn you out so you can get on with your frosting.

Tonight, the circuit was this:

1. Row 500M on the rowing machine
2. Jump Rope and do "Double-Unders," where you jump & get the rope around twice
3. KettleBell swings (a kettlebell is a cannonball with a C-shaped handle on top, weights of anywhere from 12 to 44lbs)
4. Thrusters (Holding a 45-lb barbell, squat down, stand up, push the bar up)
5. Box-jumps
6. Sit-ups

The time of each station depended on how fast the person rowing could get to 500m. You start at the station when they start rowing. If they get there in 3min, you do 3min of the station. If it takes them, oh, 4min30sec, you curse their existence and scream for Gatorade Cool-Icing Flavor, now with peanuts.

My scores were, in order that I went
Kettlebell swings = 62
Thrusters = 49
Box Jumps = 42
Sit-ups = 56
Row = 2:02
Jump = 3 doubles, 109 jumps total
Calories = A butt-ton

These scores are a bit elevated, mind you.
There were 2 groups, and my group had 3 kids in it.
Kids have a lot of energy. Kids have a lot of pep. Kids have a lot of gas. Kids do NOT have a lot of muscle tone or strength or attention span. When a 12 year old "late bloomer" stops because he's tired on the rower, and his younger brother is 6 feet away farting through sit-ups, and you're just cresting on a 44lb kettlebell swing (#35 of 52), you kind of lose your faith in AMerica's youth. It is replaced by the burning between your shoulderblades that starts in yer butt's crack.

I swear by "Turbulence Training," btw. It's like this kind of thing, but you can do it on a smaller scale, minus the kid-toots. See that link over and up on the right that starts with "CLICK HERE"? Click there, learn more. That thing rules.

I will help anybody get into that routine at any time. I love it. It's upped my cardio and strength like crazy.

More on that when my fingers stop Charlie-horsing.

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Drugs On The Street

I've been at my new job since February, and a full-time employee here - as opposed to a contracted employee - since May 19th. After 30 days my "insurance" plan kicked in for coverage. Coverage here is a very loosely-applied term.

The Coverage I receive is, frankly, disgustingly small. For a tax-paying, full time, relatively handsome employee at a multi-billion dollar corporation (which does NOT provide creamer, sugar, or recyclable!!! cups for their employees keggers), I have squat to work with. I have a high deductible to pay BEFORE my insurance kicks in. The deductible would be paid on things other than Preventive care, such as physicals, inocculations, and shock therapy. Perhaps it's some sort of vetting, to prove I'm financially stable enough to pay for my own medical treatments prior to the company footing one cent of the bill.

The deductible is over $1,000. It's not an insurmountable sum. But where is the Benefit? As a contracted (read "SQUEEZED") employee, I had a similarly craptastic plan, wherein my prescriptions were covered up to $75 a month. Not a big deal there. Unless ya need a specialty med, which I do. Not as in "it helps me sleep from time to time." It's a medication that keeps me from having arthritis flare-ups and horrible psoriasis. Since it's the only drug of its kind, and the most-effective, it runs its own show, price-wise.

For a month's-worth of the med, off the shelf, yer lookin' at $1,500. My alternative is heroin. Or a detoxification program that would cost nearly that much, but wouldn't work at the cellular level that the drug does. And after all I've been through with it, the only thing that may, MAY work as well is a full month-long detox, liver-wringing, and being dipped in organic coconut oil by Salma Hayek. (these statements have not been disproven by the FDA, AMA, or my wife)

Well, my co-worker's grossing me out with a wet, hacking chest cough that is lingering since the 2nd day we worked here... and yet she remains adamant that she's NOT sick. 4 lineal feet of lung oyster begs to differ, sister.

Situations like this make me scream for "Universal Healthcare!!!" But I'll get past this, and write some funnier jokes about it, and do my best to bring it down from the inside. Like a virus. A handsome virus.

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Blinded by the Right

The other day at work I heard an idiot talking about how we ought to stop complaining about high gas prices. Echoing what many hacky comics have said in between bong rips (I'm not down on bong rips, just hacky comics), th'Idiot piped up with...

"Well, I mean, GAWSH, it seems like gas prices are probably so high because, I don't know, um... maybe it's all the way deep under ground and you have to dig for it? And then, um, like, you have to make it into GAS?"

First off, it took them a LONG time to say that. Brevity is the soul of wit, and can be a violent wolverine-like animal when stretched over an imbecile's rack of torture known as their "attempt at humor and/or social commentary."

Secondarily, but most importantly, is that this approach to the issue of gas prices either denies or is ignorant to the fact that oil companies, in the past year, have posted ANOTHER year of record-breaking profits. Revenue topped $377,000,000,000 (BILLion) at Exxon in 2006. Profit was around $36BILLION. All this in the face of Hybrid cars, solar energy, global warming, a deteriorating economy, ugly people, and the end of "Arrested Development."

So, if somebody says "Hey, gas is expensive because a lot of dinosaurs had to die for it," remember that many dinosaurs (including that Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, and Steve in accounting who never brings donuts in) are still living in the glow of gasoline. All while making a gigantic, steamy, ozone-eating profit.

I gotta get oil stock.


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Lee or Ray, Part 2

Adding to this earlier post, now a re-post, about men with the names of Lee or Ray in their names being somehow more prone to violence. Check it ooot...
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This is going to be the first in a series of how men, and perhaps women, with the middle names of Lee or Ray are most-famous for committing crimes.
Jerry LEE Lewis, for example. Crime? Married a 13 year old. Stopped recording music.

Dixy LEE Ray!, double-name score, former Governor of the state of Washington. Was in office when Mt. St. Helens erupted. Just sayin'...

David LEE Roth. Ego savant. High kicks. Lost his mind.

Billy RAY Cyrus. Not enough?

Charles RAY Fuller. from the AP story: The 21-year-old North Texas man was arrested last week for trying to cash a $360 billion check, saying he wanted to start a record business, authorities said. Tellers at the Fort Worth bank were immediately suspicious — perhaps the 10 zeros on a personal check tipped them off, according to investigators.

AND LET'S NOW ADD... from the AP Story...
A grieving mother is angry and a suspect is now free after King County prosecutors dismissed a murder charge, saying they simply can't prove who killed a young man almost two years ago.

Lonnie Lee Johnson was freed Monday after spending more than 1 1/2 years behind bars. He was accused of stabbing to death Jessie Drungo, 23, in a Kent parking lot during a scuffle that may have had racial overtones.

This list will indeed grow. Something about those middle names of Ray or Lee just drive a person to madness. Madness, I say.

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The Refinance Dance

Last year, Alicia and I looked at refinancing our home to take advantage of better interest rates than the one we're in now. My rate of interest was high in a lower interest rate... GET IT???

COMEDIAN over here. My co-workers have no idea.
ANYWAY, there was a lot of running around because I worked as an independent contractor for a few months, but always made payments on time and all that stuff a RESPONSIBLE person does. It took a long time to get all this crap handled. But we did it.

Then it came time to sign, and hmm... lots of random fees show up on our paperwork, so we said "No," and we walked out. We don't take on debt to allay debt. You may as well fart into the hose of your gas-mask, like some of my old bosses do.

So here's what happened. The guy we worked with hounded me for a few months because they "paid" to have our home appraised, but we didn't go through with the re-fi, and the $ for the appraisal got yanked outta his paycheck. Here's what happened after that.
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Here's where it Started
Subject: Appraisal
Date: Thu, 15 Nov 2007 15:16:06 -0800
From:
To: Geoff Lott

Hi Jeff;

I just had $400 taken out of my paycheck in order to pay for the appraisal that was conducted on your home.
I would appreciate receiving the payment that you agreed to make.

Please call me with any questions.

Kind regards,
{Turdlet}

"Committed To Saving Our Neighbors Money"

MY RESPONSE
From: Geoffrey Lott
Sent: Friday, November 16, 2007 10:34 AM
To: {Turdlet}
Subject: RE: Appraisal

Hello {Turdlet},

I'm sorry about the money. However, my wife and I did everything that was asked of us to go through with the refinance process, from numerous faxes and emails and forms, to phone calls while on business trips. With as much work as we put in, we weren't trying just to get a free appraisal.
In every commercial I have heard for {TURD COMPANY} it is states that {TURD COMPANY} will "pay to have your house appraised." There’s no contingency attached.

We acted in every step with the full intent of going through with the refinancing via {TURD COMPANY}. Our decision to halt the transaction was due to over $7,000 in fees, which counteracted the entire reason we wanted to refinance. We would actually be incurring more debt, which isn’t in our best interest. We won’t be paying the $400 appraisal fee, as {TURD COMPANY}’s commercial says {TURD COMPANY} will pay for it, we don't feel we owe {TURD COMPANY} any money, and I don't remember signing any legal agreement saying I would pay for an appraisal if the deal didn't go through. And you misspelled my name,which in most circles I work in is a respect issue.

I apologize that it may have taken much of your time, but it took ours, too, and ultimately, we decided against buying the {TURD COMPANY} product.

Nothing personal, it just wasn't going to work for us.
I'm sorry, again, that any more time and money was lost here. We did all we could with the hope of a good deal. But that wasn't going to happen, so we couldn't go through with it, regardless of everyone's efforts, ours and yours.

Sincerely,
Geoff Lott
"Committed To Not Getting Plowed"

HIS RESPONSE
Subject: RE: Appraisal
Date: Fri, 16 Nov 2007 10:52:40 -0800
From: Plop
To: Geoff Lott

Hi Geoff;

Sorry about the misspelled name. I believe that was the first time it ever happened in this transaction, but still, no excuse. Again, my apologies. Let’s both chalk this one up to experience and move on.

Kind regards,
{Turdlet}
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So there ya go. I'm starting to embrace the necessity of calling people out. Public embarrassment needs to come roaring back to the forefront, until people realize that those around us are more worthy of our courtesy than those on a phone on their couch and in their own stink.

We matter. Most of us.

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Comedy For Reals

This past weekend I performed 4 times at Laughs Comedy Spot in Kirkland. Every show was good, if not great. Grrrooood. Twice we had some chatsters off to stage left, including one group who, when admonished, responded with "Is that us?"

Yes.

The voices you hear coming out of the mouths of your friends whose mouths are moving 2 feet from you is ALL Y'ALL.

Working with Phil Palisoul, I learned a lot this weekend. This guy gets going and never lets up the entire hour. Joke after joke after laugh after laugh. That's hard to do as a comedian, and he was FRIGGIN' AWESOME. "Chicken Potpie..." A little reminder for those who made it.

I know, beyond a five o'clock shadow of a doubt, that Making People Laugh is my Purpose. However I can, where and when I can, it's what I Do. This is how I do.

It's how I do it, when I do it, when I'm up in tha club.

So now, here we are, back to the other side of reality.
Day job. Commute. Etc. E. t.... c... I actually do really like my day job, for one I must have, but it's surely not The Goal.

A booker recently, upon my turning down a gig in Soap Lake, WA, remarked that "it's hard to take (me) seriously as a comedian," since I wouldn't schlep out to Nowhere for $200 and a motel room for 2 nights. Soap Lake, WA, I retorted, is not a serious gig. I aim higher. Gas at $4 a gallon (remember when?) 220-mile round trip, day off of work, eating on the road, I would actually be losing $38 on the show is what it came to. The gig, came to find out, was canceled. Not enough tickets sold.
It's hard to take seriously anybody willing to sell out talent for an extra little cheddar.

That being said, some great things are in the works right now, moving forward with a serious momentum shove by myself, Lovely Wife, great Friends, Faith, and Fate. I can't make it on my own, but I'll show up and kick ass when I get the shot. Everything else is small potatoes. I want the sustained, throbbing Big Time, folks.

Ready.

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"Sex And The City," Because Women Aren't Portrayed As Confused Whores Nearly Often Enough

Yeah, I wrote the title of this blog with "Whore" in it.

As a man, I have been had SATC (short for "Sex And The City") rammed into my visual cortex as often as necessary to get laid. I have seen probably 10 episodes. I have found the writing to be pretty good. The acting, on a scale of 2-5, with 10 being "Good," ranks regularly near the 3's.

But this movie will go nuts all weekend as women get bombed at Happy Hour and plan a girl's night out to go see it. Then spend $10 to sit and laugh out loud about the glamour of women concerned only with sex, fashion, drinking, and sex fashion while drinking.

Because, really, isn't that what takes up all of our minds?

YES, frankly. When these things are in order, the rest of life is much more manageable. I recently purchased a pair of jeans that made my butt look not only sculpted, but like somebody else's. I "get it," when it comes to fashion.

Saying "I don't care" when it comes to one's looks is like saying, when it comes to running water, electricity, and Geoff Lott, you "could take it or leave it, meh." Then you'd shrug your hairy shoulders and drop your poops into a hand-dug hole before cooking your trapped marmot over a campfire. It's 2008; Look the part, Evolved Human.

Anyway, yeah, the SATC movie will undoubtedly be a waste of a man's time. LUCKILY, this weekend, all weekend, there are Hockey finals, NBA playoffs, golf, car racing, and CAGE FIGHTING!!!
www.EliteXC.com has a great card on CBS Saturday night, 9pm. Featured fights include the main event between Kimbo Slice, a YouTube phenom who was known best for beating guys up at BBQs in Florida, and James "Colossus" Thompson, a 6'4" 265-lb monstrosity who once got knocked out in 14 seconds. Also, American Gladiatress Gina Carano will take on Kaitlin Young in the first ever highly televised Women's bouth. Proving that not only can women train as hard as men, punch and kick and grapple like men, but they have to be good looking to get on TV.

www.WEC.TV has a decent card, headlined by Mixed Martial Arts' premiere Featherweights (145lb-ers) Urijah Faber (20-1, champ, 12 fight win-streak) and Jens Pulver (22-8-1, challenger, former world champ). I'm rooting for Jens, because we went to High School together and I want to see him continue his great career. Also, I hate Faber's butt-cleft-chin. So hey, there's plenty of entertainment for the fellas this weekend.

In the meantime, SATC will be raking in money from women all over the continent. The guilty pleasure of it all, sure thing, knock yerself out. But when it comes to visions of women being strong, independent, and sexy, can't we do it the old-fashioned way, in a chained prison cage match, shirts torn and all kinds of heaving?

SATC, no thanks. I'll wait for the rental to come out and ignore it then, too.
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