Terrell Owens, a freakishly talented wide receiver, multi-millionaire, and titanically self-impressed ass-clown said this in November, and I'm paraphrasing but the jist is correct:
"The Philadelphia Eagles would be better off at the moment if former Super Bowl MVP Brett Favre were playing quarterback, instead of Donovan McNabb, who has, like, only one leg and frequently cries when he has hard bowel movements after eating mass-produced soups."
Full Story below...
http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ap-eagles-mcnabbowensfeud&prov=ap&type=lgns
Donovan McNabb, a strong-armed quarterback, multi-millionaire, and titanically bad Chunky Soup commercializer, was on the cover of EA Sports' "Madden NFL 2006," and quickly fell to the Madden Curse. "The Madden Curse" refers to the past few seasons wherein whichever NFL Star… nay.. SUPER-Star is chosen for the cover usually has an injury befall him within the first 2 games of the season. 2004, it was Michael Vick, who broke his leg in Week One. 2005 was Ray Lewis, who had a torn hamstring or may have even stabbed someone. This year, McNabb got the spot and in the first game, against the Falcons, had a bruised sternum and soon after was felled by a sports hernia.
A Sports Hernia is a tear in the muscles and ligature between the abdomen and the pelvis. You know that "V" shape of the obliques that fitness models get as it disappears down their shorts into musky town? Yeah, McNabb TORE that. And he played through it for a couple weeks until he had too much trouble running around with his giant balls not being fully supported by his rock-hard abalones. He's a tough S.O.B. (Soup-lOving Baller)
So, Owens, the WR, says Favre (pronounced "Freebird") would have been able to lead the Eagles better than McNabb had been leading them. Hey, Owens, a lot of people could have led that team better simply by not having blown out their undercarriage. So why pick Favereer?
Favre, a 15-year vet of the NFL, MVP of the League and the Super Bowl, is a great QB. Any team would be happy to have him under center in a big game. He'll one day be in the Hall of Fame. And Brett Farevere is white. McNabb and Owens are both black. McNabb's response to Owens' comments?
"It was like, it's unreal," McNabb said. "That's like me going out and saying, `Hey, if we had Steve Largent. If we had Joe Jurevicius. It was definitely a slap in the face to me. It was a slap in the face because, as deep as people want to go into it, it was black-on-black crime."
He immediately received a call from multi-millionaire rapper Curtis Jackson, better known as the one-tempo lyricist "Silva Dolla," wherein Jackson told McNabb, "I feel you. This is like that time I got shot 9 times in the F*CKING FACE. How you holdin' up?"
Or the other gang beatings and killings that are commited in predominantly black neighborhoods, the ones that multi-millionaire athletes do not live in. Or it hurt like the many times Donovan was passed over for job interviews as a professional Quarterback, only to have a white QB step in and… what? That never happened? Oh…
I can understand Donovan's mindset, feeling that T.O. just MIGHT have mentioned Favrenugen's name because saying a White QB would be better than a Black QB would then speak down to ALL black QBs. That would be a really, really great move on Owens part. Owens has been nothing but a problem since he arrived in Philadelphia. The city, contrary to that angle, LOVES McNabb. He's up there with Rocky Balboa (a fictional character) and cream cheese (a delicious character). But a CRIME? Not to mention, a RACE-RELATED Crime!
While I appreciate that Donovan mentioned two Seahawks receivers as replacements for T.O., the comments Owens made were in NOVEMBER. McNabb is way overdue to respond to a loutish comment by a loutish receiver who is widely disliked. I can't speak to the sentiment of black culture, saying that a white person could have done something better than a black person. But that's a truly evil, racist, facist notion to put forth. I can see where it would hurt, deeply, because it cuts through the ability, humanity, and dedication of McNabb, saying those traits don't matter as much as the color of the skin of the person playing QB. Something about this issue really made me sick, as I've come closer to understanding how race is still an issue, as much as people being half-tard-assholes is still an issue... but it's not a crime.
Before you call Jesse Jackson, ask yourself THIS:
Is Terrell Owens SMART enough to put that much forethought into a slam on McNabb? It's not like Owens said "We'd be better off with Ryan Leaf." In my mind, it was a comment about ability, a shot at McNabb, and another low-class move by a nearly no-class athlete. By responding the way he did, nobody came out of this looking worse than McNabb.
==============
And before I go… Joey Porter can eat a bowl of Ass-Flakes with 1% Piss Milk. Talk all you wanna talk, you're gonna get cracked by Mack Strong in between cracks by Steve Hutchinson when you're not getting shit-canned by Walt. I can't wait to see Porter opening for Al Foxx on a speaking tour next year.
GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS GO SEAHAWKS
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Geoff Lott: Comedian, Writer, Philosoteur. I am here to amuse you, not entertain you. If not now, later. If not you, somebody else. If you can't laugh at yourself, that's just fine, too. I will do it for you.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
The Vicious Circle
Only comics can judge other comics.
But if an audience loves a comic, that’s all that matters.
But if the audience isn’t particularly a “hip” or “smart” group, they shouldn’t be judging comics.
But the audience is who PAYS THE BILLS, and that matters more than anything else.
But you shouldn’t do it for the money.
But have we defined “judging” yet?
Okay, so only audiences can judge comics.
But audiences may not understand that "funny" comes from being able to interweave subtle nuances into a joke instead of having it spoonfed to them.
But it takes more talent and hard work to purposely write a joke that works on multiple levels. But it takes even more work to condense that joke from a big web with intricate details into a more recognizable form of hilarity.
But you should always and only write what's funny to you.
But the audience has to be laughing in order for the “funny” bar to be set.
But the audience doesn’t know what “funny” is the way that comics do.
It's settled then...
Only comics can judge audiences.
What's the point?
Because it's all subjective, and it's all from one's own perspective, comedy is nothing but laughter. Who am I to say what and how an audience "gets" a joke? Suddenly I, Geoff Lott, can read all of those minds at once, and visualize who got what and how? No, and I'd be a pompous ass to say I could.
It turns out a good friend of mine loves Larry the Cable Guy, whom many people cannot stand the sound nor existence of. She likes his "gimmick." She "gets the marketing." She knows he's not "real" and she's okay with that. She sees him as "if a redneck with almost no command of the English language were doing jokes, THAT is what he'd do." It's not serious. And that opened my eyes to all of it.
Comics work from their perspective as children, adults, jilted lovers, ex-spouses, specific ethnicities, ex-convicts, drug users, abstainers, happily married, happily divorced, parents, and - but not limited to - people who see the world differently than most of the people around them. All we want to do is get on stage, do our jokes, have integrity, and get big laughs. It doesn't always work that way.
The rest of it can, frankly, judge my f-hole.
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My Blog About My Dad
But if an audience loves a comic, that’s all that matters.
But if the audience isn’t particularly a “hip” or “smart” group, they shouldn’t be judging comics.
But the audience is who PAYS THE BILLS, and that matters more than anything else.
But you shouldn’t do it for the money.
But have we defined “judging” yet?
Okay, so only audiences can judge comics.
But audiences may not understand that "funny" comes from being able to interweave subtle nuances into a joke instead of having it spoonfed to them.
But it takes more talent and hard work to purposely write a joke that works on multiple levels. But it takes even more work to condense that joke from a big web with intricate details into a more recognizable form of hilarity.
But you should always and only write what's funny to you.
But the audience has to be laughing in order for the “funny” bar to be set.
But the audience doesn’t know what “funny” is the way that comics do.
It's settled then...
Only comics can judge audiences.
What's the point?
Because it's all subjective, and it's all from one's own perspective, comedy is nothing but laughter. Who am I to say what and how an audience "gets" a joke? Suddenly I, Geoff Lott, can read all of those minds at once, and visualize who got what and how? No, and I'd be a pompous ass to say I could.
It turns out a good friend of mine loves Larry the Cable Guy, whom many people cannot stand the sound nor existence of. She likes his "gimmick." She "gets the marketing." She knows he's not "real" and she's okay with that. She sees him as "if a redneck with almost no command of the English language were doing jokes, THAT is what he'd do." It's not serious. And that opened my eyes to all of it.
Comics work from their perspective as children, adults, jilted lovers, ex-spouses, specific ethnicities, ex-convicts, drug users, abstainers, happily married, happily divorced, parents, and - but not limited to - people who see the world differently than most of the people around them. All we want to do is get on stage, do our jokes, have integrity, and get big laughs. It doesn't always work that way.
The rest of it can, frankly, judge my f-hole.
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Super Bowl XL... Holy Crap, The Seahawks Are In It!
I don't have a lot to say about the Seahawks being in the Super Bowl that hasn't already been drunkenly screamed into a women's bathroom from here to Steilacoom.
But I will say this. For his entire career, I have been a fan of Jerome Bettis, shown here leaving Cortez Kennedy in the gravy. Jerome will someday be in the Hall of Fame, I think, as one of the best running backs and men to ever work his way up the charts in the NFL. He was born and raised in Detroit. The Super Bowl is in Detroit. He may retire after the Super Bowl.
Mid-American, Hallmark-loving sentiment reeeeeeeeeeeeeally wants to see Jerome Bettis, RB for the Pittsburgh Steelers, go out with the biggest win of his career in his hometown in his last game. It's a good story line. And the Steelers, how much more American can you get than that gritty, intense, old-school persona in one team?
With all due respect, and for just this one game out of the hundreds he has played...
F*ck Jerome Bettis.
F*ck Sentiment.
F*ck the story lines.
F*ck the Steelers.
Ideally, Jerome Bettis will be tasked with winning the game on a 2-yard grind into the endzone, and will not only fumble, but Biblically shit-flood his pants as Lofa Tatupu falls on the ball with 3 seconds left in the game. That would be about 1,000,000 times more memorable than the "perfect ending" to the guy's career. Walter Payton never even scored a TD in a Super Bowl, and now...
Forget it. The right thing to do is to quit getting dewy-pantsed over the Disney-esque possibilities of the end of Jerome's career. No chance.
GO SEAHAWKS!!!
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
But I will say this. For his entire career, I have been a fan of Jerome Bettis, shown here leaving Cortez Kennedy in the gravy. Jerome will someday be in the Hall of Fame, I think, as one of the best running backs and men to ever work his way up the charts in the NFL. He was born and raised in Detroit. The Super Bowl is in Detroit. He may retire after the Super Bowl.
Mid-American, Hallmark-loving sentiment reeeeeeeeeeeeeally wants to see Jerome Bettis, RB for the Pittsburgh Steelers, go out with the biggest win of his career in his hometown in his last game. It's a good story line. And the Steelers, how much more American can you get than that gritty, intense, old-school persona in one team?
With all due respect, and for just this one game out of the hundreds he has played...
F*ck Jerome Bettis.
F*ck Sentiment.
F*ck the story lines.
F*ck the Steelers.
Ideally, Jerome Bettis will be tasked with winning the game on a 2-yard grind into the endzone, and will not only fumble, but Biblically shit-flood his pants as Lofa Tatupu falls on the ball with 3 seconds left in the game. That would be about 1,000,000 times more memorable than the "perfect ending" to the guy's career. Walter Payton never even scored a TD in a Super Bowl, and now...
Forget it. The right thing to do is to quit getting dewy-pantsed over the Disney-esque possibilities of the end of Jerome's career. No chance.
GO SEAHAWKS!!!
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
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