No matter how thin you slice it, that is still baloney.
Even a blind squirrel gets a nut eventually, if he doesn't die of starvation first.
Love conquers all things, but cannot be trusted with a long-sword.
The best job in the world is not job, but instead, a pastime that brings you money.
The Holiday Season is the only time of year you're not weird for wearing a Santa Hat to an orgy.
The Holiday Season is the only time of year you're not weird for looking like Santa Claus, Mr. FattyBeardy.
Drugs can simulate the feeling of love, but not the special moment of the first fart in front of each other.
Farts can simulate the feeling of relief, but not the special moment of gambling, losing, and "touching cotton."
The Toyota Camry is how you tell traffic "I stopped caring about progress long ago."
The elderly are bad drivers because they appear to not actually know they are driving.
I don't talk about politics for the same reason I broke up with Kelly Jo Hanratty in 2002: They both screwed my Cousin Richie.
Even if Richie and I look alike in a drunken haze in a dark room, you think she'd have noticed his wheelchair.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. I'm not sure if that's a double-negative or a call to arms. I'm afraid I'm confused again.
I wish I had the blind drive of confidence found only in the cognitively delayed and in bad comics.
The Backwards baseball cap is how you tell the party "First to pass out gets touched."
You can't choose the branches of your family tree, and you can't set one on fire without the whole thing going up. A little sun, a little water, and hopefully it'll break off under it's own alcoholism. Um, LACK OF DESIRE TO GROW, I mean.
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
Geoff Lott: Comedian, Writer, Philosoteur. I am here to amuse you, not entertain you. If not now, later. If not you, somebody else. If you can't laugh at yourself, that's just fine, too. I will do it for you.
