Open Mic Monday, Other Lifetime Stories
Sometimes you hope for the best, and you get a lot of good things. Last night at the Comedy Underpants we got a lot of good things. There were 23 comics, including myself, and of that group were 5 professionals, guys who are paid regularly to go into clubs and rooms and rock them right to their feet.
These 5 had the task of reading over a section of newspaper and finding something to riff comedic from. 3 did a great job. One guy went off and was really angry about the President, it kept coming back to Pres. Bush so I guess he's likely voting today (riiiiight). Then the last of the 5 went up with his paper, the Sports section which is his forté, and has NOTHING. Zero. He started working (unfunny) bits from 2 months ago, and one from 8 years ago! Holy lord, that was shameful.
Afterwards, and this is the kicker, he was sitting at a table with the host for the night, a kid named Joe who will be great, and Joe mentioned how impressed he was with the performances of the guys who were riffing out of the paper, Sportsman says "Well, we're pros, kid. That's what we do." Lumped himself in with guys who actually brought something to the table, nice. I thrive on originality and creative thoughts, so when I saw that and heard the comment, I realized that comedy has passed him by. I will never be like that. Grow. Evolve. Be. Believe. And Write Some New Jokes, would ya?
And to prove I'm not just slamming him, I'd like to say the following.
The Safecracker, The Enforcer, and The Accountant all killed last night. These are some of the finest new performers and writers in the area. I love all these kids, and yes, even Mastermind, you sateen shirt-wearing monkey.
==========
This is my new shirt.
I love this shirt. I was wearing the other night when the Seattle Comedy Mafia’s “Mastermind” saw me.
He thinks it too flamboyant. The woman I was with said she really liked it. I had no idea he was so interested in fashion. Then again, he’s a minimalist when it comes to some things, and I respect that. Especially his blue sateen shirt. I am quite happy with my fashion sense, thank you. But I'm willing to listen. Tell me, should I take the advice of a beautiful woman, or a 35 year-old punk fan who talks to sock puppets? E-mail me your opinions at MasterMindsFashionSense@eltonjohnspajamas.com !!!
Confidence is very sexy.
Geoff Lott: Comedian, Writer, Philosoteur. I am here to amuse you, not entertain you. If not now, later. If not you, somebody else. If you can't laugh at yourself, that's just fine, too. I will do it for you.
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Monday, February 02, 2004
Anything BUT a “Weak”end
Currently Listening To: Cube neighbor’s annoying laugh/cough/laugh combo, as well as a guy with upper respiratory issues huffin’ through a phone call.
Funny Business
I was appearing at Giggles this weekend in support of the very, very funny Rodney Sherwood, who says “Yummay.” The Friday shows were really good. Moderate-sized crowds, but good energy. Rodney really had me rolling that night, go check him out! Both sets on Saturday night were as good as I’ve had in a long time, so I’m hitting a stride now, where it’s automatic and I’m ad-libbing a lot of tags. Things are good in the Kingdom of Sir GeoffsALott.
I got to see the parents of my best friend on Saturday night at the show, too. They snuck in with their daughter and her husband. They are two of the greatest folks in the world. I’ve been best friends with their son since we were 8. It was great to see the Dahmers again.
This one performer (I won’t call him a comedian) said that he killed over at another club, but he lied, as nobody can corraborate that. It was consensus that he DID go over his time limit and silenced the room, but no killie for “Broadway Eyes.” Definitions of “killing” and “destroying” and “bombing” are forthcoming, but only bombing includes closing your set to silence. They applaud because it’s over, not that it was good.
Super Bowl of Jello, and Better Times Elsewhere
So the big sporting event this weekend was of course the Lingerie Bowl, played at halftime of the Super Bowl. The Halftime game of the Lingerie Bowl was a water polo match between the guys from Average Joe-Hawaii and two Rosie O’Donnells (thanks Chad).
Super Bowl, Patriots won, read about it elsewhere. I spent the afternoon at the home of some folks I met at a show a couple weeks ago, invited by the ever-hilarious Geek Dancer herself, “M,” who is beguiling if not downright charming. Saturday night I rescued her from the new nightclub/money hole “Cowgirls, Inc.” for an hour to chat it up. That bar was like Hooters without the PG-13 rating. It was bordering on Soft-Core, but basically is a way to dupe dopes out of dough. Luckily, M came out to meet me. The only thing really fun to watch would be the drunks on the mechanical bull. Scotch-gard that RIGHT NOW, it’s got more cheese than Cracker Barrell.
No Apology Necessary
So Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson put on a little exposé at halftime of the SuperBowl. Was it an accident? I doubt it. Frankly, I think we’ve redefined “HalfTime Show,” and I think Michael paid Justin to do a little grip & rip, knowing it would put some other fake-faced Jackson on the cover story for a while. Now if only Kobe could talk Shaq into going “over the back” on someone from Housekeeping… What’d I say?
This was just a ploy to keep people watching, as opposed to surfing over to the Lingerie Bowl, perhaps. Cripes, people. The Skank Bowl was on PAY-PER-VIEW, Janet was FREE! Bad marketing on her part.
Super Bowl Aftermath
Rioting fans in Boston caused tons of damage to the city after their beloved Patriots wone the game two-thousand miles away. Even more sad, a person was killed in the celebration when a drunken loser backed his SUV into a crowd then sped off, a la Britney’s publicist from a few years back. It’s that kind of behavior that gives drunken, rioting mobs and drivers a bad name, I’ll have you know. Now he’s ruined it for every unruly mob of drunken revelers. What a jerk-face.
A study showed that employers lose $815 million in worker productivity the day after the Super Bowl, as people spend time talking about it. How much does a productivity study cost? And so far, nobody talkin’ ‘bout no game, they talkin’ ‘bout them co-mmercials! I’m happy there was no “Waaassssuuuup?” commercial this year.
The worst of any Super Bowl aftermath is at work the next morning. Long story-short, the men’s room was positively DEMONIC this morning, having been decimated by two amateurs in the football-watching world. Beers and chips and pizza and something else that was high-octane krunk… good lord, I’d rather have apes for co-workers, at least we’d have a tire swing in here.
Currently Listening To: Three different, at-work, non-work-related conversations on Prussian history/Cartoon Network, creepy dude hittin’ on HR cuties, and something about a sandwich or a pair of sandals, she’s from Jersey, accent’s messin’ with me.
Currently Listening To: Cube neighbor’s annoying laugh/cough/laugh combo, as well as a guy with upper respiratory issues huffin’ through a phone call.
Funny Business
I was appearing at Giggles this weekend in support of the very, very funny Rodney Sherwood, who says “Yummay.” The Friday shows were really good. Moderate-sized crowds, but good energy. Rodney really had me rolling that night, go check him out! Both sets on Saturday night were as good as I’ve had in a long time, so I’m hitting a stride now, where it’s automatic and I’m ad-libbing a lot of tags. Things are good in the Kingdom of Sir GeoffsALott.
I got to see the parents of my best friend on Saturday night at the show, too. They snuck in with their daughter and her husband. They are two of the greatest folks in the world. I’ve been best friends with their son since we were 8. It was great to see the Dahmers again.
This one performer (I won’t call him a comedian) said that he killed over at another club, but he lied, as nobody can corraborate that. It was consensus that he DID go over his time limit and silenced the room, but no killie for “Broadway Eyes.” Definitions of “killing” and “destroying” and “bombing” are forthcoming, but only bombing includes closing your set to silence. They applaud because it’s over, not that it was good.
Super Bowl of Jello, and Better Times Elsewhere
So the big sporting event this weekend was of course the Lingerie Bowl, played at halftime of the Super Bowl. The Halftime game of the Lingerie Bowl was a water polo match between the guys from Average Joe-Hawaii and two Rosie O’Donnells (thanks Chad).
Super Bowl, Patriots won, read about it elsewhere. I spent the afternoon at the home of some folks I met at a show a couple weeks ago, invited by the ever-hilarious Geek Dancer herself, “M,” who is beguiling if not downright charming. Saturday night I rescued her from the new nightclub/money hole “Cowgirls, Inc.” for an hour to chat it up. That bar was like Hooters without the PG-13 rating. It was bordering on Soft-Core, but basically is a way to dupe dopes out of dough. Luckily, M came out to meet me. The only thing really fun to watch would be the drunks on the mechanical bull. Scotch-gard that RIGHT NOW, it’s got more cheese than Cracker Barrell.
No Apology Necessary
So Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson put on a little exposé at halftime of the SuperBowl. Was it an accident? I doubt it. Frankly, I think we’ve redefined “HalfTime Show,” and I think Michael paid Justin to do a little grip & rip, knowing it would put some other fake-faced Jackson on the cover story for a while. Now if only Kobe could talk Shaq into going “over the back” on someone from Housekeeping… What’d I say?
This was just a ploy to keep people watching, as opposed to surfing over to the Lingerie Bowl, perhaps. Cripes, people. The Skank Bowl was on PAY-PER-VIEW, Janet was FREE! Bad marketing on her part.
Super Bowl Aftermath
Rioting fans in Boston caused tons of damage to the city after their beloved Patriots wone the game two-thousand miles away. Even more sad, a person was killed in the celebration when a drunken loser backed his SUV into a crowd then sped off, a la Britney’s publicist from a few years back. It’s that kind of behavior that gives drunken, rioting mobs and drivers a bad name, I’ll have you know. Now he’s ruined it for every unruly mob of drunken revelers. What a jerk-face.
A study showed that employers lose $815 million in worker productivity the day after the Super Bowl, as people spend time talking about it. How much does a productivity study cost? And so far, nobody talkin’ ‘bout no game, they talkin’ ‘bout them co-mmercials! I’m happy there was no “Waaassssuuuup?” commercial this year.
The worst of any Super Bowl aftermath is at work the next morning. Long story-short, the men’s room was positively DEMONIC this morning, having been decimated by two amateurs in the football-watching world. Beers and chips and pizza and something else that was high-octane krunk… good lord, I’d rather have apes for co-workers, at least we’d have a tire swing in here.
Currently Listening To: Three different, at-work, non-work-related conversations on Prussian history/Cartoon Network, creepy dude hittin’ on HR cuties, and something about a sandwich or a pair of sandals, she’s from Jersey, accent’s messin’ with me.
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