NiceHoles

I created this term, "NiceHole," about a year ago in a conversation with my wife. We were talking about somebody I had worked with who, though very, very sweet in their intention, was also a full-grown minotaur-sized pain near, if not in, my ass.

NiceHoles are people who annoy you, but do it in a way that they will always be able to hide behind. This particular NiceHole would hear a conversation, hover near it, then impart their similar tale of woe... that's it. Nothing in the way of helpful advice, cheerful outlook, or even a decent recipe for a pot brownie. "Oh yeah, my sister had a problem like that. The doctor had to remove about 60% of her (I blocked this part out, trying to numb my psyche to that family's "parts") and she lived, but yeah... that can be tough."

Fuck.
Off.

NiceHoles hole it out in soooo many ways. SO many 'Hole variations.
* Volunteering to pass around a sign-up for the office "pot luck," then they bring plates. HOLE
* Standing and starting a conversation near a restroom, when you are obviously going TO that restroom so that you don't, you know, talk to somebody for too long outside of it and self-shit the inside of your skinny jeans. (your jeans are shit, BEE TEE DUB)
* Stopping you to converse while you are holding something heavy. They'll talk with their dumb mouth hole while their eyes go blandering off into the ether as if THIS is the conversation they know will change both of your lives.
* Not getting to the fucking point of a story. Hello? Here's a quote from a convo I had with a NiceHole a few months ago.
NH: "So you're a comedian, huh?"
GL: "I am, yes."
NH: "What kind of, uh, what's you're uh... like, what kind of uh... what's your routine?"
GL: "As in, what kind of material do I work with, or ?"
NH: "I used to really like that guy, oh gosh, he was, ah... uh... white guy... really, you know, uh... He would talk about the airplane and how it was unsafe and, what was his name? I'm so bad with names." (to nobody in particular)

Now, he's just trying to make conversation. But this isn't a Supreme Court vetting, we're talking about a stand-up comic. I'm thinking it's probably George Carlin, judging from this guy's age, but when I said "George Carlin?" He replied with...
"Who? George? No... not... what was the last name?"

REMEMBER???? THAT GUY YOU REALLY LIKED?

See, here's a perfectly nice guy who cannot hold a neural connection long enough to converse, to draw names out of his self-admittedly shallow namebank.

Here's another way to NiceHole into the Hole Of Fame.
Keep talking,
TALK TALK TALK TALK, comment on everything you see, just mindlessly make as much noise at a normal volume as possible...

Fill the gaps with a blathering boatload of blithering blabber. Butt hole.

The thing about the NiceHole is this...
They never do anything that you can point out as Mean or Rude. Just annoying. And if you say anything, the Hole will or can quickly retort with "Well, I was only (insert annoying behavior)."

Yeah, but during the entire first act of "X-Men: The Final Stand"? SHIT-CAN YOUR CAKEHOLE AND go silent...

We have to stop this... this horrible Adult Onset Self-Ignorant Idiocy.

NiceHoles... your time has come. You will now be made fun of, chastised, and called out for your behavior.
If we can sue and imprison snooty white guys for raiding pension funds, I can sure-as-our-national-debt-is-a-nightmare tell somebody to SHUT
THE.
FUCK.
UP.

Video to follow, when possible.


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