Circus Freak of the Week
The highlight of my week has been receiving my "AquaTeen Hunger Force" DVD Box-set. I haven't had a decent set of comedy all week, but that's okay. I'm cool with that. In the meantime I have some friends, The Seattle Comedy Mafia (self-christened... I call them the Seattle Clown Mafia, they're freaks who pack in 5 to a car, all with red noses) who are blowing the stages up around here. This is good, because they are funny, cool, and truly care about the comedy scene here in Seattle. Check them out!
Like anybody's actually reading this dang thing...
So yeah, the AquaTeens happen to be making me LOL, which I don't do very often. The funniest people on TV aren't even people, that can't be good for America. Of course, what's funny is subjective, but I do love this show. Yes, I'll be 30 on Feb. 4th, so what? If American TV had anything close to BBC's "The Office" then maybe I'd be entertained. America's arts movement sucks, for the most part. Did I just call TV an "art?" Save me now. I need to be laid 'ponst a PotteryBarn sleigh bed while wearing Old Navy fleece and doused with Hamm's the Beer Refreshing... Regardless, The AquaTeens RULE.
Hey, this episode has a Mummy in the basement! HA HA HA HA HA! You must NEVER hug a mummy! He's using the basement as his tomb, looks like the floorboards are cursed. If you don't follow, maybe THIS is more your speed.
Lord almighty, Wednesday (check this out) was a weird night for comedy. The comedy was great, but the after-show stuff really stunk. I realize now how much of a pain in the pipes some dudes can be when they have no ability to talk to women. They're parasites. They are the smarmy used car salesmen of the Single's Scene. A guy like me finds wants to talk about driving, and these idiots are pushing a great deal on a 1983 Honda Civic Hatchback. Not that I'm in a position to sell a car, but sometimes it's not about the sale, it's about the shopping. I can't have people with bad credit trying to buy on my account.
Further adventures in apprehending these idiots will be blogged. THis was boring.
Geoff Lott: Comedian, Writer, Philosoteur. I am here to amuse you, not entertain you. If not now, later. If not you, somebody else. If you can't laugh at yourself, that's just fine, too. I will do it for you.
Friday, January 30, 2004
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
The Open Mic Review,01-26-04
Wow. That’s all I can say after sitting through Monday night’s open mic show at the Comedy Underground. I don’t mean “wow” as in “Now that’s a big raise!” or as in “She not only dumped me, she stole my dog’s food and pair of my underwear. I didn’t know she even knew voodoo.”
When I say “wow” I mean it as though I were a master mechanic watching someone try to change the oil in a car by pounding on it with a mallet and holding a blow-torch to the battery. They get tired, so someone else comes up, same mallet, this time firing bullets into the battery. It started slow, got slower, and ended up being so terrible I could really only comment on people’s clothes. Is this what comedy has come to? Making fun of a performer’s clothes? It was 10 times more fun than listening to their jokes.
The following is an opinon and review of the night:
RM: Witch Hazel meets die-hard Heart fan. Lounging on a prozac blanket.
JC: Had me fooled. I picked this one for meth-addicted logger with eagle tattoo. I was way off. He’s a baggage handler for an airline. From now on, only carry-ons.
TB: San Diego idiot, they all seem to be. He said he’s from “the San Diego Comedy Works.” Cool, now I know who to blame. I figured the low ball-cap and non-descript moderately clean long-sleeve T shouted “convenience store clerk” or, if he’s motivated, “2nd Assistant to the Head Car Detailer” at Nu-Weelz, Inc. Went over time, had nothing to say, then his group left 2 comics later. Bad jokes, bad act, bad skin. Hope I never see him again. (I’m a poet and…)
KH: Funny, smart, kind of that “emo kid” look. New guy, he’ll be fine, as long as he lays off the doppios and finds a brush soon. I kid because I love.
LD: This is like a one-sided domestic dispute. Never starts out funny, then gets worse and more abusive towards men as the rambling mixes with prescriptives, gin, and issues with dad. At least this one won’t be up next week. Pat Benetar starring in Boogie Nights.
Best comment of the night from the MC: “She did pretty well, normally you can hear people smoking.”
JJ: Ceramics and pottery enthusiast, been known to take a Bic to a Bra. Did a Lily Tomlin joke she prefaced by saying “I saw Lily Tomlin this weekend, and in one thing she said…” Uh… Did you tell us you are stealing? Politically charged, without the mucky-muck of humor.
BJ: Jerry Lewis Farrkhan. At least TRY to not do a street joke everytime on-stage, let alone 2, let alone sandwich one of your own in the middle and listen to it hit the ground like the waste it is. If you can’t write, stay away from the stage. If you want to act out a someone else’s, ACT is just up the street.
JA: An entire act built around how much women drive men crazy. Gasp. Brilliant. Ground-breaking. I’ve never seen any(YAAAAAWN)thing like zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… Nice 501’s, too. Get pants that fit, I don’t need to know your religion. (oops, dick joke)
Overall it was a terrible show, but a decent night. I’m sure some people will say they “destroyed” and “killed,” but they didn’t. 22 people, 2 really good ones, 1 pretty good one, 1 really entertaining one wearing a ski mask and bloody pants (let it go), and then 18 piles of piles of mung.
The secret? When there’s crap everywhere, someone’s gotta be the shovel. Dig it.
Wow. That’s all I can say after sitting through Monday night’s open mic show at the Comedy Underground. I don’t mean “wow” as in “Now that’s a big raise!” or as in “She not only dumped me, she stole my dog’s food and pair of my underwear. I didn’t know she even knew voodoo.”
When I say “wow” I mean it as though I were a master mechanic watching someone try to change the oil in a car by pounding on it with a mallet and holding a blow-torch to the battery. They get tired, so someone else comes up, same mallet, this time firing bullets into the battery. It started slow, got slower, and ended up being so terrible I could really only comment on people’s clothes. Is this what comedy has come to? Making fun of a performer’s clothes? It was 10 times more fun than listening to their jokes.
The following is an opinon and review of the night:
RM: Witch Hazel meets die-hard Heart fan. Lounging on a prozac blanket.
JC: Had me fooled. I picked this one for meth-addicted logger with eagle tattoo. I was way off. He’s a baggage handler for an airline. From now on, only carry-ons.
TB: San Diego idiot, they all seem to be. He said he’s from “the San Diego Comedy Works.” Cool, now I know who to blame. I figured the low ball-cap and non-descript moderately clean long-sleeve T shouted “convenience store clerk” or, if he’s motivated, “2nd Assistant to the Head Car Detailer” at Nu-Weelz, Inc. Went over time, had nothing to say, then his group left 2 comics later. Bad jokes, bad act, bad skin. Hope I never see him again. (I’m a poet and…)
KH: Funny, smart, kind of that “emo kid” look. New guy, he’ll be fine, as long as he lays off the doppios and finds a brush soon. I kid because I love.
LD: This is like a one-sided domestic dispute. Never starts out funny, then gets worse and more abusive towards men as the rambling mixes with prescriptives, gin, and issues with dad. At least this one won’t be up next week. Pat Benetar starring in Boogie Nights.
Best comment of the night from the MC: “She did pretty well, normally you can hear people smoking.”
JJ: Ceramics and pottery enthusiast, been known to take a Bic to a Bra. Did a Lily Tomlin joke she prefaced by saying “I saw Lily Tomlin this weekend, and in one thing she said…” Uh… Did you tell us you are stealing? Politically charged, without the mucky-muck of humor.
BJ: Jerry Lewis Farrkhan. At least TRY to not do a street joke everytime on-stage, let alone 2, let alone sandwich one of your own in the middle and listen to it hit the ground like the waste it is. If you can’t write, stay away from the stage. If you want to act out a someone else’s, ACT is just up the street.
JA: An entire act built around how much women drive men crazy. Gasp. Brilliant. Ground-breaking. I’ve never seen any(YAAAAAWN)thing like zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… Nice 501’s, too. Get pants that fit, I don’t need to know your religion. (oops, dick joke)
Overall it was a terrible show, but a decent night. I’m sure some people will say they “destroyed” and “killed,” but they didn’t. 22 people, 2 really good ones, 1 pretty good one, 1 really entertaining one wearing a ski mask and bloody pants (let it go), and then 18 piles of piles of mung.
The secret? When there’s crap everywhere, someone’s gotta be the shovel. Dig it.
Sunday, January 25, 2004
Weekend Wrap Up,
I'm enjoying honesty today. For example, I haven't worked out in 4 days, that's the longest I've gone in about 5 years. More honesty? Here ya go. I think kids should be banned from Coffeehouses. Sugar and Caffeine. Perfect for a 3 year-old! Hey parents, take that crap to your living rooms. You get a tax break from the government for the snot alarms as it is, take that money and get yourselves a babysitter.
The hair on my neck stood up on that one.
Giada Di Laurentiis... wow.
The raddest of rad nights for comedy last night. One-half of the self-christened Seattle Comedy Mafia was in the house. Mastermind as MC, who worked on, warmed-up, and corraled an otherwise unruly group in the first show on Saturday. Masterful job as the Master of Ceremonies, he's not going up to be cute, he's gonna get the crowd involved, give them a sample of his funnies, then call on the other talented folks to keep it moving. Right-on, brudda. "Oh, there's no water in there..." Awesome joke, come see him sometime.
In the oven in my home right the heck now, a ground chicken-ground turkey meatloaf. Smells like I'm cooking two pounds meat in the form of a loaf pan. Mmmmmmmmmeat. I love being at the top of this foodchain. Unapologetically Omnivorous.
The Safecracker did a great job in both shows, and I'm very excited to see where her next steps go. Once you tap your dark side, embracing it so it knows it is loved and coddled, it will give you love that only an adopted Chinese girl who wants to murder her birth parents can give. You'll be safe, but the real culprit best be lookin' over their shoulder. And The Safecracker (no racial overtones, mind you) is tapping the good stuff right now. We'll see a happy marriage of her delivery and material soon, and it's off to the races. "The Races", of course, refer to Pat Wilson gigs!
Dat Phan's special is on Comedy Central this coming Friday. I'll be free-wheeling it in Tacoma. He calls himself a "Professional Stand-Up Comedian," which means I am now a Spoken-Word Humorist. I wouldn't want to belong to any group that would have Dat Phan as a member. I just made that up, please share it.
And last night I destroyed at the Comedy Underground. This may just work out after all.
MEAT IS DONE!
I'm enjoying honesty today. For example, I haven't worked out in 4 days, that's the longest I've gone in about 5 years. More honesty? Here ya go. I think kids should be banned from Coffeehouses. Sugar and Caffeine. Perfect for a 3 year-old! Hey parents, take that crap to your living rooms. You get a tax break from the government for the snot alarms as it is, take that money and get yourselves a babysitter.
The hair on my neck stood up on that one.
Giada Di Laurentiis... wow.
The raddest of rad nights for comedy last night. One-half of the self-christened Seattle Comedy Mafia was in the house. Mastermind as MC, who worked on, warmed-up, and corraled an otherwise unruly group in the first show on Saturday. Masterful job as the Master of Ceremonies, he's not going up to be cute, he's gonna get the crowd involved, give them a sample of his funnies, then call on the other talented folks to keep it moving. Right-on, brudda. "Oh, there's no water in there..." Awesome joke, come see him sometime.
In the oven in my home right the heck now, a ground chicken-ground turkey meatloaf. Smells like I'm cooking two pounds meat in the form of a loaf pan. Mmmmmmmmmeat. I love being at the top of this foodchain. Unapologetically Omnivorous.
The Safecracker did a great job in both shows, and I'm very excited to see where her next steps go. Once you tap your dark side, embracing it so it knows it is loved and coddled, it will give you love that only an adopted Chinese girl who wants to murder her birth parents can give. You'll be safe, but the real culprit best be lookin' over their shoulder. And The Safecracker (no racial overtones, mind you) is tapping the good stuff right now. We'll see a happy marriage of her delivery and material soon, and it's off to the races. "The Races", of course, refer to Pat Wilson gigs!
Dat Phan's special is on Comedy Central this coming Friday. I'll be free-wheeling it in Tacoma. He calls himself a "Professional Stand-Up Comedian," which means I am now a Spoken-Word Humorist. I wouldn't want to belong to any group that would have Dat Phan as a member. I just made that up, please share it.
And last night I destroyed at the Comedy Underground. This may just work out after all.
MEAT IS DONE!
Geoffrey Lott - The MicroTouch Trimmer Of Your Unsightly Unhappiness
I'm witnessing the funniest TV show of the past 10 Years, BBC's "The Office." Get this, get it now, buy it or rent it and sit back with a bucket into which you will be spitting, snotting, and crappin' yerself with laughter. Imagine the bastard children of Nigel Tufnel running a successful paper-sales company. Into the ground. Through sheer negligence and ignorance. I'll likely order my coffee in a Cockney accent. Watch THE OFFICE today! Skip work to watch this! Your job SUCKS, you have earned a day off, and you'll never look at your co-workers the same again, which is bad, because you can't look them in the eye since your "performance" last Mardi Gras. And you may throw a straight right to the next mid-level manager you see jauntily walking 'round the cubes espousing "creative synergy through leveraging cross-market disciplines." (i.e. teamwork)
What are you waiting for?
Okay, here. I featured at The Seattle Comedy Underground and pretty much rocked that baby to sleep. First show Friday was great, second show was worrrrk. Some uptight peeps trying to affect "entertained" when they should have been affecting "should've been home asleep an hour ago, but it's payday and I'll be a loser another night." Oh well, I did my job, the Headliner Tere Joyce, who rocks, right-on cha-cha-cha...
Saturday shows, unreal. First crowd was SOLD OUT, 193 people, and everyone wanted to laugh. Not good enough, I wanted them SCREAMING and HOOTING and CLAPPING and BARING THEMSELVES. Even with a microphone snafu resulting from the world's unfunniest Jewish Comedian dorkin' off on-stage, I ad-libbed until I got a microphone that worked properly, and kept on sailin'. 200 people paid to see a performance, ya can't just stop and say "Sorry, mic's broken, come back tomorrow." Either you got it or you don't, in situations like that, and last night, Baby, I had it, both shows, and I have it on tape to prove it, so why don't you get me a beer?
After that I was up until 4:30 at a dance club, having a wicked good time with some really great gals we met after the show. Another story, another time. Remind to tell you about Geek Dancing by "M." It may have been love at first spazz.
You've been excellent, I love you, I thank you, I spank you very much GOOD NIGHT!
I'm witnessing the funniest TV show of the past 10 Years, BBC's "The Office." Get this, get it now, buy it or rent it and sit back with a bucket into which you will be spitting, snotting, and crappin' yerself with laughter. Imagine the bastard children of Nigel Tufnel running a successful paper-sales company. Into the ground. Through sheer negligence and ignorance. I'll likely order my coffee in a Cockney accent. Watch THE OFFICE today! Skip work to watch this! Your job SUCKS, you have earned a day off, and you'll never look at your co-workers the same again, which is bad, because you can't look them in the eye since your "performance" last Mardi Gras. And you may throw a straight right to the next mid-level manager you see jauntily walking 'round the cubes espousing "creative synergy through leveraging cross-market disciplines." (i.e. teamwork)
What are you waiting for?
Okay, here. I featured at The Seattle Comedy Underground and pretty much rocked that baby to sleep. First show Friday was great, second show was worrrrk. Some uptight peeps trying to affect "entertained" when they should have been affecting "should've been home asleep an hour ago, but it's payday and I'll be a loser another night." Oh well, I did my job, the Headliner Tere Joyce, who rocks, right-on cha-cha-cha...
Saturday shows, unreal. First crowd was SOLD OUT, 193 people, and everyone wanted to laugh. Not good enough, I wanted them SCREAMING and HOOTING and CLAPPING and BARING THEMSELVES. Even with a microphone snafu resulting from the world's unfunniest Jewish Comedian dorkin' off on-stage, I ad-libbed until I got a microphone that worked properly, and kept on sailin'. 200 people paid to see a performance, ya can't just stop and say "Sorry, mic's broken, come back tomorrow." Either you got it or you don't, in situations like that, and last night, Baby, I had it, both shows, and I have it on tape to prove it, so why don't you get me a beer?
After that I was up until 4:30 at a dance club, having a wicked good time with some really great gals we met after the show. Another story, another time. Remind to tell you about Geek Dancing by "M." It may have been love at first spazz.
You've been excellent, I love you, I thank you, I spank you very much GOOD NIGHT!
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