What You Are Laughing At

The Open Mic Review,01-26-04

Wow. That’s all I can say after sitting through Monday night’s open mic show at the Comedy Underground. I don’t mean “wow” as in “Now that’s a big raise!” or as in “She not only dumped me, she stole my dog’s food and pair of my underwear. I didn’t know she even knew voodoo.”

When I say “wow” I mean it as though I were a master mechanic watching someone try to change the oil in a car by pounding on it with a mallet and holding a blow-torch to the battery. They get tired, so someone else comes up, same mallet, this time firing bullets into the battery. It started slow, got slower, and ended up being so terrible I could really only comment on people’s clothes. Is this what comedy has come to? Making fun of a performer’s clothes? It was 10 times more fun than listening to their jokes.


The following is an opinon and review of the night:
RM: Witch Hazel meets die-hard Heart fan. Lounging on a prozac blanket.
JC: Had me fooled. I picked this one for meth-addicted logger with eagle tattoo. I was way off. He’s a baggage handler for an airline. From now on, only carry-ons.
TB: San Diego idiot, they all seem to be. He said he’s from “the San Diego Comedy Works.” Cool, now I know who to blame. I figured the low ball-cap and non-descript moderately clean long-sleeve T shouted “convenience store clerk” or, if he’s motivated, “2nd Assistant to the Head Car Detailer” at Nu-Weelz, Inc. Went over time, had nothing to say, then his group left 2 comics later. Bad jokes, bad act, bad skin. Hope I never see him again. (I’m a poet and…)
KH: Funny, smart, kind of that “emo kid” look. New guy, he’ll be fine, as long as he lays off the doppios and finds a brush soon. I kid because I love.
LD: This is like a one-sided domestic dispute. Never starts out funny, then gets worse and more abusive towards men as the rambling mixes with prescriptives, gin, and issues with dad. At least this one won’t be up next week. Pat Benetar starring in Boogie Nights.
Best comment of the night from the MC: “She did pretty well, normally you can hear people smoking.”

JJ: Ceramics and pottery enthusiast, been known to take a Bic to a Bra. Did a Lily Tomlin joke she prefaced by saying “I saw Lily Tomlin this weekend, and in one thing she said…” Uh… Did you tell us you are stealing? Politically charged, without the mucky-muck of humor.
BJ: Jerry Lewis Farrkhan. At least TRY to not do a street joke everytime on-stage, let alone 2, let alone sandwich one of your own in the middle and listen to it hit the ground like the waste it is. If you can’t write, stay away from the stage. If you want to act out a someone else’s, ACT is just up the street.

JA: An entire act built around how much women drive men crazy. Gasp. Brilliant. Ground-breaking. I’ve never seen any(YAAAAAWN)thing like zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… Nice 501’s, too. Get pants that fit, I don’t need to know your religion. (oops, dick joke)



Overall it was a terrible show, but a decent night. I’m sure some people will say they “destroyed” and “killed,” but they didn’t. 22 people, 2 really good ones, 1 pretty good one, 1 really entertaining one wearing a ski mask and bloody pants (let it go), and then 18 piles of piles of mung.
The secret? When there’s crap everywhere, someone’s gotta be the shovel. Dig it.