It's Like, You Know, Uh...

One major event prior to the Super Bowl is "Media Day," where 20 players from each team sit and take question after question from reporters. These reporters are sent to the event from around the world. I asked myself this...

How must it feel to a guy holding a recorder, pen, and notepad, not to mention his degree in Journalism or English, to have to spend a week trying to interview grown men who are fumbling their way through their native tongue?

Last season, in a 30-second span of one interview with Terrell Owens, I counted 8 "you know"s, and 23 "Uh"s.

Football - 31
Education - 0


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Assumption Of The Throne

Lately I have read a lot of words, heard a lot of words, and have yet to discount a lot of words, about me, my feelings, my future in comedy, and my own ideas on the injustices in the world. I usually don't tell people these kinds of things, but with all of the statements about my emotional state, the most important thing I can do at the moment is give thee a clearing-up of the sky in which I fly gracefully. It is here now that I tell you, dear reader, what I am talkin' about. Please pass this on to Arnold Jackson at your earliest convenience.

I normally have only 2 emotional gears; Rage, and Drunken Rage. But lately I've felt everything from disbelief to no-f*cking-way. I've also experienced "that guy is what happens when a bad idea has sex with a fart" as well as "and that lady smells it." Another emotion I got hit with was "ennui." It wasn't quite "languid," but overall I was okay with it.

Then I got a few messages from friends telling me that other people have been talking some sauce about the Geofferee, and frankly, that's just telling me that the bulls have taken their dumps. Here are some feelings and things I am not, regardless of what people are saying, blogging, or being retarded about:

Gay, nor any of its euphemisms.
Hateful, no matter how easy it can be.
Hopeful, no matter how little it's brought me.
Lazy, even though I'd like not do a damn thing for an entire 2 hours and just sleeeeeeeeeeep. Scared, even though Silent is often mistaken for Speechless.
Black.
Distraught, at least not about anything other than the Super Bowl.
Far-Right wing, even though a lot of the Left is beginning to represent poorly.
Doubtful, no matter how much crap it's delivered to me.
Bored, even though I'd rather not be at "work."
Presumptive, even though I have a good idea of what's coming.
Violent, and that's considering that a couple mouths could use a good punching.
Confined, but I could use a little more room to move.
Content, since it's more accurate that I am Happy.
Understood, since everyone's entitled to their opinion, especially when they're counter-arguing.
Argumentative, since I can see most everyone's point, until they can't admit the truth.
Pleased, since so many "bloggers" have nothing to say.
And lastly, I am not,
As Concerned as you think I am.

Drunk, now THAT I totally is.


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Larry The Cable, And Really Cool, Guy

This past weekend I had the opportunity, which later turned into the privilege, to meet Dan Whitney. You may know Dan by his stage/marketing/phenomenon-name, "Larry The Cable Guy." Larry's opening act, PJ Walsh, once stayed with another friend of mine, Dave Dennison, and layed some great tix and passes on Dave as a return favor. Cool move #1.

So we go to the show, at the Paramount Theater, a place known not only for its beautiful interior, but also for a noticeable lack of spitoons. However, the crowd filed in. More on them another time. The seats were kick-ass.

Long story - short, for the moment. Here are some highlights, for me, from the evening:

1. Seeing that a stand-up comedy act can sell out 6 shows in a major theater in a major city.
2. Seeing inside PJ's Tour Bus. It's nicer than where you or I live. It's a good sign that comedy is thriving, if you're working for it.
3. After his set, "Larry" was in his dressing room, and remarked that he "felt okay about it but there were some slow spots, and [he is] working on that 20 minutes, so... anyway..." Even the most arguably-popular stand-up in America, a millionaire, a Star, sees his own room for improvement.
4. He is truly one of the nicest guys in comedy. He is a country boy. His act is less bigoted than the majority of guys I've seen, many of them top-tier comics.
5. About 15 minutes into his set, he turns to a lady in the crowd, near the stage, and says "Lady, this is gonna be the dumbest show you ever saw, okay? Good then, we'll keep going." He knows his own act. Deal with it.
6. Years ago he met and did little tours with PJ Walsh. They both worked their way up. Dan takes PJ with him on the road, and takes care of his friends. He also chews long-cut tobacco.

It was a good motivator to get my ass, and my act, in gear, and make my own things happen for the best. And not forget where I came from, because some day I may have to steal their jokes.

Key factors to take with you: Likeability, preparation, slow down just a little more, and do your best to be 100% original. And it wouldn't hurt if you were naturally funny.

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For the record, the sheer mention of the movie "Brokeback Mountain" illicited a hearty round of boos from a lot of people in, but not the entire, audience.

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