The Geoff Lott Rules Live Tour Of Comedy & Talking

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Thursday, October 07, 2004

The Blog Where I'm At Work At 12:20 At NIGHT

First off, I crossed paths with Jake Dill again tonight at The Wok of Shame in Lynnwood. I thought I was headlining, but it turns out that Jake was. It's the first time I was out of a paying gig and felt happier than, well, Jake Dill, for starters.

Taster's Wok (a.k.a. "The Wok," "The T-Hole") sucks for comedy. The only person I've seen do really well there is Heneghen. If you know Heneghen's act, you know it will kill in a club or the lounge of a Chinese restaurant. They LOVE Heneghen there, and everyone else is just some schlub with a dream of getting out of Lynnwood without eye herpes or a paternity suit. On his first day of work, Ronnie liked to wear his best paternity suit. Then get shat-housed at The Wok.

I did about 15 minutes, some of it okay, and dammit, I got the biggest laughs on toilet humor. I think the bit is funny, because it illustrates a low point of my day at work where I realize that my co-workers may appear to be in their 30s, but are actually just 3rd Graders with Debit Cards and a hankering for bagged snacks and Mt. Dew by the gallon. So yeah, potty humor. Doo it.

The funniest thing about it was that people were listening, even with their backs turned at the bar. And even better, if not funny, was that two other properly drunk car detailers - I'm guessing by the thin beard/double earring/necklace trifecta - were trying to pull tail while the show was going on. One guy was named "F*ckin' Todd, man," so exclaimed as he exited the bar, door-right, making a phone call. They didn't let the fact that some other guy was talking louder than them interrupt their attempts to get shot down in public. Good for you, F*cking Todd, man! Who prefaces their name with "F*cking?" Todd, that's who. I use it when I'm angry at somebody. Best I could tell, Todd's made enough bad decisions to be mad at Todd for at least another 3 years, or whenever he drinks himself into a faceplant coming out of The J&M. Goodbye CarStars, Hello Comedy Career!

Van Halen's coming to town again. Anybody think Al Foxx is nervous? The last one turned his life around, after disengaging said life from that rogue panel van. Red is for ROCK & ROOOOLLLL!!! Oh, and Stop. Inside joke, kind of. I can tell those kind of jokes because they're funny.

Okay, I gotta get some sleep. This is ridiculous.
Catch my TV appearance in November. You watch "World's Wildest Police Videos," right?
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Note to self: Peanut Butter & Chocolate = Natural Enemies

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The Blog After Wednesday

I have no time to link anything right now. Deal with it.
Had a lot of fun last night comedying for the people of the Puget Sound. The Underpants Aspen Comedy Festival/Vancouver Comedy Day tryouts were first. It sucked. The crowd was a quiet-laughing crowd, except for the yappy dipass in the 2nd row who reminded me of a kid who had too much sugar and inattentive parents. Crazy Mark Spitz-looking motherfudger. Big ups to Jake Dill on his set. He had as good a set as was gonna happen in a room full of nicey-nice Seattle people. Then again, the odds are that I just wasn't funny enough to get 'em. New material, new delivery, I'm trudging onward. Unaffected, overall. Oh well. It'll all come around again. I'm sure the Chatty Spitz will shoot at me tonight in Lynnwood.

The Pegasus show was kick ass. I had a monster vocab night. Nothing too crazy, like "versimilitude" or "cran-apple-icious," but I did throw down with "carte blanche," "melange," "debaucherous," and "fisting." Got an applause break on that last one. I really should have memorized my set-list, but why, when it will all go out the window tonight at Taster's Wok in Lynnweird? You wanna see what comedy in the Northwest is really all about? Be at the Wok by 9pm tonight. Bring your spittin' pants. Big ups to T-Mose and The D.Gale for their support. Tony did nearly 7 minutes after getting lost, having only been to Pegasus like 10 times AND getting directions from everyone and their parole clerk. SLOPPY, Tones. Sloppy.

Tomorrow Morning! 8:10a.m., KJR-FM 95.7! Yours Truly on the Pat Cashman show! Tune in! Call in! Request a tune! Send me money! I'll be promoting this weekend's shows at Laughs, as well as HAX-TV, and the Seattle Comedy scene in general.

I'm off for some Thai food now. I ain't had Thai for a long Thaime.
Should have stopped at the Radio thing, huh?

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Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Chews Your Words Carefully

Last night's Comedy Underground Open Mic & Confuse-a-thon wasn't so bad. Much like Mt. St. Helens I fully expected it to blow. There were a few tremors here and there, a few plumes of steam, but thank you God, there were no Schwarzenegger impressions. There was a pretty bad Sly Stallone, however. I love when a comic comes on stage with a certain "look" to them, and says to the audience, "I know what you're thinking…" Cool. I like that your skin is thick enough to see my thoughts of you huddled in a sobbing mess on stage, vowing to never do comedy again, and yet you defiantly trudge on in the face of silence.
Then they say something like, "… you're thinking 'Wow, that guy looks like Sylvester Stallone on crack!' How would that sound? (impression and my exit to the men's room for distance-vomiting goes here)." The weird thing was that there was uproariously laughter at one point in his set, but I missed it while talking with another comic. Talking out of turn is addressed later on in this blog.

Blaine Reeder's got a new bit about his taste in women changing with his age that is awesome.
Doug Gale is Doug Gale, man. Doug Gale ain't gotta do nothin' fah nobody.
Joe Larson, damn him. Gets better every time I see him.
Tony Moser wasn't there. It was after all, for comics only.
Some other guy made a bad Pres. Bush joke even worse with a, scandalous!, reference to vaginas, then double-stacked his shitwich with a "Hey, no pun intended." Dude, none taken. I was wondering where he was the other night. Tony was looking for a man.
My set went far better than I had planned, with some new openings, and a few new tags to a bit that is still in the incubator. Carl Warmenpockets, the Ass. Man. of the Underpants, even came over to tell me he thought it was really funny. It's been a while since I heard that, and it made me feel good.

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Use Your Words

In the past 36 hours I have been called everything from a "dear-heart" to a "dumbass." And "dumbass" was on the shy side of how bad it got. Makes me wonder what people's perceptions are of me. I know that I can be "elitist" and "prickly," especially when I feel imposed upon, which is unfair to all. My elitism is more based on how I just hate to settle for less than I feel is good enough for me, keeping high standards for myself. I detest mediocrity. I abhor "good enough." I purposely ignore "that'll do."
I should have the sense by now, if I do indeed feel imposed-upon, to tell someone "Hey, I appreciate the offer/attention/bondage attempt, but I need to respectfully decline your invitation to your Family Reunion/Swingers Meeting/Bocce tournament." That's pretty simple, right? To simply tell someone "no."? I value honesty so much that I guess I think everyone values honesty. However, honesty can be buffed and shined by the tenderness of one's words, a way to dilute the tonic from Industrial Reality to Morning Optimism. It's a guy thing to try and fix something, even it means fixing the view by breaking through the wall.

I had a guy I work with question my competence and integrity of my work. He was later asked to double-check 6 months of my work to find flaws, which he starts today. I may not have a title of authority, but the next best thing - being good friends with those who do - is something I am party to.

Yesterday at the grocery store I asked a woman with a full cart if my 3 items and cash-to-purchase-combo could cut ahead of her. I was asking her to extend a courtesy by giving up another 48 seconds of her line-waiting, and erasing my 4 minutes-ish of standing on line for water, gum, and luncheon meat behind her huge produce purchase. That crap's gotta get individually weighed, folks. She begrudged me the spot, and acted like the Queen Silent Bitch while I completed my purchase. I thanked her, for the 3rd time, before leaving. Was I wrong in looking out for my own interests of not waiting in line longer than I may have to?

Today I was told by a friend that there are some moments where I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut. Out of respect for that friend and our friendship, all I will say is "gotcha, lesson learned." Had I thought the words I spoke would be incriminating or cause pain to my friend, I would never have allowed them to breach my lips. In the aftermath, I wondered whether or not it's wise for me to talk to this person for a few days. Guess I'll listen to what my gut instinct is telling me. Sorry, that's not for you to know. Gotta keep my fingers off the board.

Tomorrow I start the Eastside Comedy Gauntlet! First is a showcase for the Aspen Comedy Festival, then I'm off to Pegasus Pizza, Thursday is Taster's Wok, Friday & Saturday I'll be at Laughs. I'm looking forward to all of it, since this is what I do, ya know? I hope I can get my point across and keep my mouth shut at the same time. Opening the mouth seems to be troublesome this week.
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Monday, October 04, 2004

Mondane

So what the hell, is Mt. St. Helens gonna blow or what? It cast a pall over every 2nd Saturday show this weekend, as the crowd rumbled 'neath my feat and my lava dome rose and fell with steam released from my vents.

Tony Moser's at it again. This guy used to do comedy around Seattle, and now he's back basically denying everyone a chance of having a normal conversation with him. Example:
Me: "Hey Tony, how's it going?"
Tony: "I just tongue-bathed your grandmother. How about you, f*ck eyes?"

Moser's (pronounced "faaaarrrt") got some kind of beef with me that I think is ridiculous. See, Tony used to be the premier blonde male comic at open mics. He thinks I'm trying to steal his crown. I'm NOT. I took it while he was working on his Macho Man voice. It's gone. I don't even want the crown, I just didn't want him to have a crown that wasn't attached to his being King Jacksock.

But hey, Tony's presence has made me stronger. Everyone rises to a higher self when they have a foil, an archnemesis. Batman had the Joker. Superman had that horse. For me, it's a guy who is really amazingly funny, driving me to be the best comic around, but until I meet him, I'll allow Tony his fantasy of having any sort of effect on me. I do like Tony well enough, it's like Peter Johnson without the attempts to be inaccessible. Yeah, I mentioned Peter Johnson in my blog. I pander to the Fantasy/Sci-Fi/Hentai crowd on a regular basis. Put on yer good software vendor polo, fellas, ladies like a man with a velcro wallet.

Anyway, work is work. I'm part of a new project to integrate 3rd-party/vendor software into an enterprise application so a business partnership thrives. It's exciting.

Saturday night at the 2nd show I was called a "bitch" and flipped off by a drunk woman in the 2nd row. Sounds like a Slim Shady rhyme. It started after I told some jokes about the Presidential Candidate Debates, topped off with why marriage should be illegal before the age of 25. Flippy DiFingerfood was a Republican - low-shouting "Buuuush" during my bit, and I refused to pander to a bikini wax joke - who was NOT married. As I began to go back at her, she tried to hide her face like she was near the end of a first, shame-filled date. The man she was with, out of her sight, gave me the "go ahead, go for it" sign. Do you see what the problem is with the loudmouthed woman? Even the man in her life can't stand her. And this isn't a woman who was entertaining, she just lacked the appropriate grasp of humor to realize that THOSE WERE JOKES. So I threw one over the fence and left it alone. She also flipped the headliner off within 3 minutes of his opening joke. Just another pushy broad who'll get dumped before Christmas. It's perfectly fine to have your beliefs and dreams, but if you plan to voice them for no particular reason in a public forum, you may as well be farting in an elevator.

I think that most people's biggest problem is that they don't know what their biggest problem is. They may know what their symptoms are, but they never go deeper, to the cause of their effects.


Gotta go to work. Stuff to be stuffed into stuff for other stuff.
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