What You Are Laughing At

Is it time to write a-gain? Heavens...
I am single. I am not now, nor have I ever been, married. I have no children. I am white. I am a male. I am a single white male, straight, not dating anyone at the moment, and on my way to being one of the finest stand-up comedians ever seen in Puyallup. Things are pretty good. However, because I pay attention, I'm feeling some outrage at the latest Presidential proposal:
President Bush wants to spend $1,500,000,000, that's one-and-one-half BILLION George Washingtons, to develop programs, curriculae, and classes that target low-income couples, in order to teach them interpersonal skills and to to promote marriage.
My first thought is, "SWEET. I guess that means all the children in this country have been fed, the schools aren't lacking teachers or supplies, and we've not only captured every terrorist in the world, we've sent them ahead to Mars to sweep for anything with more than one leg."
My second thought is, "YOU HAVE TO BE F*CKING KIDDING ME." Tax payer money being spent on teaching and encouraging unionization of people who may serve society better if they were sterilized, and we can't get a damn school levy passed? Do you see why the lid of this handbasket seems to be closing more each day? Classes on being nice? Interpersonal skills. If you don't have them, you likely can't spell them out on a test for employment efficiency, which means you're already out of your league, and you better not be on the giving or receiving end of a pregnancy until you're clearing $50K a year. Yes, Geoff Lott is in charge of your life. Don't frown, I wasn't happy with the job either...

Teacher: "Okay, DJ, AJ, RJ, and OJ... why do you all go by your initials? Anyway... Okay, so your girlfriend..."
AJ: "Old lady." (DJ, RJ, OJ nodding in agreement)
Teacher: "... Old lady is a term of derision. Girlfriend, lover, BunnyFuzz, Snuggles, all of these are acceptable, but 'Old Lady' is not to be used."
RJ: "Speaking of using an 'Old Lady,' what time you get out from behind that desk?" (A, D, and RJ whoop in agreement, high five each other, then punch stuff)

Class dismissed.
So why am I upset? If you're married, you get a tax break. If you have kids, you get a tax break. Even if you're not married, and you have kids, you get a tax break. I understand that these breaks are in place to encourage healthy financial planning 'round the hearth. Many parents probably welcome the extra money and use it wisely. Then there are people who see an extra $50 to $500 each month, look deep into their hungry child's eyes... then at the Best Buy sales associate... back to the hungry kid... over to the 48" flat screen... hungry kid... big tv on sale... prone child, passed out from low blood sugar... back to sale item... You get me? I get no tax breaks, not for one thing, not for one person, not for one iota of my presence in this country. I get write-offs because I travel to do comedy and give money when I can to food banks and homeless shelters. THAT'S IT. I give, I get sh!t-all in return, and what the government takes from me, our President sees it as okay to enforce a moral code of marriage upon this nation, which is holding steady on its 50% divorce rate within 4 years of marriage.
I went to a public school, I know how truly awful the government-funded education system can be.