Customer Disservice - DirecTV Again

Like the title says, DirecTV has again proven itself to hold the highest standards of minimal effort in handling customer issues. Please get rid of DirecTV if you have it, or at least don't ever get it at your love bunker.

First it was the issue where a guy with almost an entire month of a court-mandated trade school course in Screwdriver Management put the dish practically in my neighbor's shower. Then, to have it moved, I would have to pay $50 (AMERICAN) because I "approved" the install by not supervising the installer's "work." Then I made the horrific mistake of - from what was implied in my call to their customer "care" office - not leg-sweeping and triangle-choking said installer to show my displeasure. So, hey, that was all my fault I guess.

Tonight we tried to order the Sandra Bullock-led movie for which she won an Oscar, "The Blind Side." DirecTV has a limited catalog of PayPerViews at any given time. TONS of movies that will show you the pink parts of people from bad families, but as for decent films? Yeah. No.

Like other times, I tried to order the movie on-line with a few button-pushes. Nothing. Tried it at another timeslot, and again, SQUAT. Went on-line to order and still got an e-quivalent of being slapped in the face with a turd-covered hand. Still NOTHING. So I had to call to tell 'em I NO LONGER WANT TO WATCH SANDRA BULLOCK PUT ON THE SOUTHERN ACCENT AND EMOTE, AND MY BILL WAS ALREADY CHARGED AND THE CAPITAL LETTERS ARE WHAT MY BRAIN IS FEELING WHEN I HAD TO CALL...

1) The bill was charged before the movie was active.
2) The phone number to talk whomever was gonna want to quit after I called was hard to find.
3) The system "was updating key records and was unavailable until tomorrow morning"

So to get the charges reversed... it was up to ME to call back. They couldn't write anything down, make a log of ways to HELP THE CUSTOMERS AND AGAIN MY BRAIN FEELS HOT.

So I told Megan at DirecTV... "Okay Megan, I'll reschedule my life because your supervisors haven't come up with a way to make a list of work items you can handle when the system comes back on-line as a courtesy to the people paying the bills there. Sound good? Oookaaaay byyy-eeeeeeeCLICK."

I know it's not Megan's fault. But unless Megan gets a verbal fart-slapping every once in a while, she'll never get her ass to mechanic's school and run her own diesel engine-rebuild shop the way she told her high school couns'lors.

DirecTV is NOT the bag of farts. It is the half-bag of Oreos & a half-pound of buttered broccoli-fueled farts themselves.

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MC, HOST, SEATTLE, HOSTING, CORPORATE, EVENTS, NPO, GEOFF, LOTT, PUGET SOUND

Where Ya Goin' In Such A Hurry?

This weekend in the Puget Sound area all us drivers will be under tighter scrutiny by the Washington State's Patrol Officers for "Speeding." Speeding is anything over the posted speed limit for the area you are speeding through to get A) To Work or B) Home from Work.

Why are you speeding... TO GET TO WORK?

If you have a job you can't be late for, other than neurosurgeonist or my bartender or the headliner, you need to find a better job.

If you have a job on-salary, chill out, you've done your part.

If you're speeding home I hope there's a hawt love basket waiting for you, or expensive carpets and a small-bladdered dog. Otherwise, relax. Your neighbors will be there to bother you any ol' time.

In the meantime, here are a few ways to not deal with speeding tickets.

1. Stop hitting your snooze button 8 times. Every 5-8 minutes is adding to your commute and stealing your sleep. Sleep a little longer, hit fewer red lights, and stop tailing people in your shitty car.





2. Stop tailgating in your shittay car. If you can't afford a nice car, you can't afford to back-crack somebody who's trying to listen to their GPS directions. When is the last time you were tailed by a Mercedes E-class driven by somebody for whom English is the first language? Ever been rear-ended by a BWM 5-series? No. Not a 5-Series from the 2000's.





3. Go, like, SUPER F*CKING FAST. You can't get caught if they can't catch you. Although that Sanjaya from American Idol was recently nabbed for doing like 105 in a Mazda 6, so unless you can get beyond 106, don't even try. You'll just look like more of an asshole.

The state needs to generate revenue, and stopping speeders is a great way to do that. Tickets are coming, folks. It's going to be a bigger hassle to fight the ticket than it is to take your foot off the gas pedal and get within 10miles/hour of the speed limit. The people who bitch the most about the cops and their invasion of our rights aren't reading this blog, so I'm fine if they get popped for doing 75 in a 50 in 95 Neon. This doesn't target "poor people," it targets people who make BAD DECISIONS with money and cars.

Body kit = 2 months rent outside of parent's home.

Hey... let's be careful out there...

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MC, HOST, PUGET SOUND, NPO,

Top 10 Reasons You're Not Working

1. It's like 8:45 at night. Where are you working, Necrocomicon's Comics & Cards?
2. You're reading this while dorkatrons steal Magic: The Gathering sets.
3. F*cking short-sighted manager, man. Dude couldn't see how you work better when you're, like, "lifted."
4. Because you told some old bag that you didn't sell ice, but if she bought some water and hit the walk-in for 3 hours, she could Do It Herse'f.
5. HAVE YOU NOT USED AN iPAD YET? HOLY CRAP.
6. That super hot guy in application design just walked by and you think he smelled your toot and even though you know you shouldn't have eaten all that broccoli it's ALIVE and now you're freaking out and can't work, you just CA'... NOT.
7. Not Facebook, nope, that's not it so don't even check the other Firefox tab.
8. Watchin' Geoff Lott tear it up on Y'allTube. Dude's got mad MC skillz. No.. SQEELZ
9. Getting the last of your papers in order for support of your thesis, "Geoff Lott's Comedy As Metaphor Of Seattle's Frustration With Lack Of Courtesies To Hosts At Restaurants."
10. It's this economy, man. Got that taco truck converted to the first-ever Sushi-grade Chicken van and pfft, everyone got tight on you.

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