Chews Your Words Carefully

Last night's Comedy Underground Open Mic & Confuse-a-thon wasn't so bad. Much like Mt. St. Helens I fully expected it to blow. There were a few tremors here and there, a few plumes of steam, but thank you God, there were no Schwarzenegger impressions. There was a pretty bad Sly Stallone, however. I love when a comic comes on stage with a certain "look" to them, and says to the audience, "I know what you're thinking…" Cool. I like that your skin is thick enough to see my thoughts of you huddled in a sobbing mess on stage, vowing to never do comedy again, and yet you defiantly trudge on in the face of silence.
Then they say something like, "… you're thinking 'Wow, that guy looks like Sylvester Stallone on crack!' How would that sound? (impression and my exit to the men's room for distance-vomiting goes here)." The weird thing was that there was uproariously laughter at one point in his set, but I missed it while talking with another comic. Talking out of turn is addressed later on in this blog.

Blaine Reeder's got a new bit about his taste in women changing with his age that is awesome.
Doug Gale is Doug Gale, man. Doug Gale ain't gotta do nothin' fah nobody.
Joe Larson, damn him. Gets better every time I see him.
Tony Moser wasn't there. It was after all, for comics only.
Some other guy made a bad Pres. Bush joke even worse with a, scandalous!, reference to vaginas, then double-stacked his shitwich with a "Hey, no pun intended." Dude, none taken. I was wondering where he was the other night. Tony was looking for a man.
My set went far better than I had planned, with some new openings, and a few new tags to a bit that is still in the incubator. Carl Warmenpockets, the Ass. Man. of the Underpants, even came over to tell me he thought it was really funny. It's been a while since I heard that, and it made me feel good.

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Use Your Words

In the past 36 hours I have been called everything from a "dear-heart" to a "dumbass." And "dumbass" was on the shy side of how bad it got. Makes me wonder what people's perceptions are of me. I know that I can be "elitist" and "prickly," especially when I feel imposed upon, which is unfair to all. My elitism is more based on how I just hate to settle for less than I feel is good enough for me, keeping high standards for myself. I detest mediocrity. I abhor "good enough." I purposely ignore "that'll do."
I should have the sense by now, if I do indeed feel imposed-upon, to tell someone "Hey, I appreciate the offer/attention/bondage attempt, but I need to respectfully decline your invitation to your Family Reunion/Swingers Meeting/Bocce tournament." That's pretty simple, right? To simply tell someone "no."? I value honesty so much that I guess I think everyone values honesty. However, honesty can be buffed and shined by the tenderness of one's words, a way to dilute the tonic from Industrial Reality to Morning Optimism. It's a guy thing to try and fix something, even it means fixing the view by breaking through the wall.

I had a guy I work with question my competence and integrity of my work. He was later asked to double-check 6 months of my work to find flaws, which he starts today. I may not have a title of authority, but the next best thing - being good friends with those who do - is something I am party to.

Yesterday at the grocery store I asked a woman with a full cart if my 3 items and cash-to-purchase-combo could cut ahead of her. I was asking her to extend a courtesy by giving up another 48 seconds of her line-waiting, and erasing my 4 minutes-ish of standing on line for water, gum, and luncheon meat behind her huge produce purchase. That crap's gotta get individually weighed, folks. She begrudged me the spot, and acted like the Queen Silent Bitch while I completed my purchase. I thanked her, for the 3rd time, before leaving. Was I wrong in looking out for my own interests of not waiting in line longer than I may have to?

Today I was told by a friend that there are some moments where I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut. Out of respect for that friend and our friendship, all I will say is "gotcha, lesson learned." Had I thought the words I spoke would be incriminating or cause pain to my friend, I would never have allowed them to breach my lips. In the aftermath, I wondered whether or not it's wise for me to talk to this person for a few days. Guess I'll listen to what my gut instinct is telling me. Sorry, that's not for you to know. Gotta keep my fingers off the board.

Tomorrow I start the Eastside Comedy Gauntlet! First is a showcase for the Aspen Comedy Festival, then I'm off to Pegasus Pizza, Thursday is Taster's Wok, Friday & Saturday I'll be at Laughs. I'm looking forward to all of it, since this is what I do, ya know? I hope I can get my point across and keep my mouth shut at the same time. Opening the mouth seems to be troublesome this week.
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