Oatmeal Recipes I Created

For me, there is nothing better for breakfast than a hot bowl of oatmeal and an Irish Coffee. But I usually skip the Irish Coffee and just do what I can with the oat's bowl. And after years of eating it almost daily I had to really get beyond the packets and buckets of boredom. Oatmeal is so versatile as a food, it's great to play a bit with it and see where it takes you and which of your crevices you find it in. It's got fiber, protein, healthy fats, and helps burn your cholesterol count down. So enjoy it if you are doin' carbs, because it'll keep you full and happy for a few hours before your boss even knows you smell of wine.

Here are some recipes I have come up with over the years to keep me interested in this breakfast of champ'ons.

* I usually use quick-cooking oats, though you can use oat bran, oat groats, rolled oats, or any of the grain cereals. If you do, write a blog about it and let me know.

Anti-Ox Powerhouse (a.k.a. The Cookie In A Bowl)

• 1/2 cup Oatmeal
• 3/4 cup green tea
• 2 Tbsp Almond, Soy, Rice Milk
• Pinch of salt (optional)
• Cinnamon to taste
  
• 1/4 cup dried blueberries or cranberries
• 2 Tbsp dark chocolate chips (60%)
• 2 Tsp flax seeds (optional) OR
• 1 Tbsp almond butter or peanut butter

Mix the first 2 ingredients and microwave about 1min-20sec. Don't let it go too long.
Throw in the berries, stir.
Top with the ChocoChips and Seeds or Nut's Butter.

Protein Pumper

• 1/2 cup Oatmeal
• 1 cup filtered water, or Soy/Almond/Rice milk, or cow's milk
  
• 1 beaten egg or 1/4 cup egg substitute
  
• Pinch of salt (optional)
• Cinnamon to taste
  
• 1-2 scoops of protein powder (Whey, Soy, Antelope, etc.)

Mix together all ingredients until liquid is floating a bit above the oatmeal. Add more liquid if you need to get there.
Microwave for 45 seconds, stir. Microwave for 1 minute.

Apple Pie Oatmeal

• 1/2 cup Oatmeal
• 3/4 cup Almond, Soy, Rice Milk
• 2 Tbsp cream or milk
  
• Pinch of salt (optional)
• Cinnamon to taste
• 1 Tbsp butter/margarine
• 1/2 apple of your liking, diced
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1Tbsp Brown sugar

Mix the first 5 ingredients together. Stir. Heat in microwave for 1min 3osec.
Heat a small fry or saute pan on medium heat. Add butter to pan. Let it melt completely and bubble a little. Add the apple, cinnamon, and brown sugar. Stir for 3minutes until apples are coated and the brown sugar has distributed its sweet load all over the fruit pieces.
Add apple incredibleness to the oatmeal. Email me your smiling face.

Butterscotch Oatmeal

• 1 cup oatmeal
• 1 package Butterscotch Oatmeal
• 2 cups milk

Combine, stir, microwave for 2 minutes. Let chill. It's weirdly delicious.

***Not responsible for any damage to colon, toilet, reputation, underpants, or kitchen.***

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Today Is My Wife's Birthday!

409 days ago, my Wife From The Future became My Wife, Alicia. It is perhaps the highest honor I have had bestowed upon me. I cannot think of a greater honor.

Not Guitar Hero III champion,

not Body For Life winner,

nor eating your IQ in Rocky Mountain Oysters.

Today I do my best to celebrate Alicia's birthday, because this woman is amazing. I mean that in the true sense, in that I am amazed by her work ethic, her temperment, her love, her efforts, her drive, and her outlook. I mean that I step back and recount the times I've done things dumb enough to make me want to have an out-of-body experience so I can crotch-kick myself, and she just laughs at me and works through the rubble.

I think one of the keys to a great life is to never, ever stop growing as a person, and Alicia is doing that. She is never satisfied with one thing for too long, she wants to make something better, prettier, or peanut butterier. Her self-motivation is often my motivation. She never stops making me laugh, inspiring me, and almost pissing me off. She is perfect for me, and I am a happy, happy man.

This past year we did something that was both painful AND annoying: We made a budget. Alicia did the real work, hammering out numbers and spreadsheets, I just whined about why I couldn't lay on the floor and play with my shoelaces. But we did it, and she's driven our budget ever since. And the renovations in our home. And it's because of her planning and ideas that we are doing incredibly well, and living a life open to the influx of blessings, friendships, and travel two people who have contrary viewpoints to MTV's programming deserve.

Alicia, Happy Birthday! You are the best person I could have in my life, and someday, we both know that I will be the best person for you. I love being your houseband.

And now a word from the cat.

BRRROWR?

BROWR?

BROOOOOOOOORRROWR!

Mmmowr?

(scratch your eyes)

purr purr purr purr purr

[draaaaaaaaaaaaaag my f*cking claws down your expensive duvet cover because I'm an asshole]

mmmmmMRROOOOWRowrowwworrr?

[Poop, kick it on the wall]

Happy Birthday, Alicia! I'm doing the best I can, and you deserve better!

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We Can All Agree On Food That's Free

In the kitchen at work, which has two vending machines and - if you're quick - a "surprise buffet" known as a refrigerator, there are some randomly-donated food items.

Somebody left a plastic freezer-bag full of "snack mix" on the counter for general consumption. Made almost entirely from cereal, it features multicolored rings of cereal, chex-type cereals, and cranberries.

Those dark spots are the cranberries. It's fuzzy because I was stifling a Vomiggle, a cross between throwing up and vomiting.
This picture was taken at 2pm. This bag's been countertopped since the morning.

Free Food.
Workplace.
No way should this have gone so long.

I work in a very diverse work environment, with people from as far away as Iowa. But this attempt at sharing should be pointed out as a shameful excuse for emptying the cupboards. Either somebody's kid is wondering where all the breakfast went, or somebody's kid just got their car-seat cleaned out.

Chex -like cereal, which I tend to love.
Frooty Loops, which I understand the appeal of.
Cranberries, fantastic through the mid 1990s before faltering around 1999. Did we have to let them linger?

So let me explain this to you, in case you're thinking of "brightening up" the workplace with a donation of free nibbles.

DO THE RIGHT THING...
Candy. Chocolate. Cake, Pre-Cut. Pizza, always good. Donuts will rocket you to sainthood in Accounts Payable.

Just a primer. People are pigs, they'll eat what's there even if you dropped a donut, sprinkles-down in baby diapers. Just run it under the Purell and eat up. Don't drop the randomly assembled burnt popcorn, lime Tootsie Rolls, and a barrette in the breakroom and then pat yourself on the ass for a job barely noticed.

What a shameful attempt at impromptu workplace catering. That second handful tasted terrible.

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