Hubris, Scariness, and Americanity

Another MTV event was allowed to happen, so I have to figure out which sponsors to boycott emotionally as opposed to just being ignorant of their body wash or fat-burning pill. Mind you, I confirmed the speed of my metabolism today when my "natural energy" pill kicked in about 45minutes AFTER my workout ended... but that's for another blahg.

MTV is a show that somehow is now involved in publicizing the film exploits of actors who aren't really comedians, but aren't decent-enough actors to emote beyond "irony... get it?" Yeah... got it. And tonight there was an awards show for the movies. I still cannot understand why there's an awards show for short-films of musical artists lip-synching in a rainy warehouse during both a rainstorm AND a Recession, but that's for yet a DIFFER'NT blahg.

What the f*ck am I doing? I don't even care about that stuff. I'm not truly upset about the intellectual vacuum from which MTV programming emanates. I'm now mid-30's and outside their demographic, and look back not in bitterness but in snickery goodness. Truly I am hoping they don't abandon programming covering the tailspin of Spencer Pratt's existence. Money and fame makes us more of what we truly are. He truly is a megalomanical narcissist. And a dork.

If there was to be any sort of terror attack at a place that exudes "American Dipshit" it ought'n be at any of the MTV Award shows. It's the sweat-crack of all that is "tween" in America, an impressionable group of people with more buying power and less financial savvy than most failed mortgage brokers of the past 5 years. Fine. But there it is... if ever you wanted to unite a front against a common enemy to this nation you gotta get a "terrorist" to Kanye West a Justin Bieber performance. BOOM, child army on the way.

And yet every time there's some sort of terrorist threat to our nation, 'specially from within, then the news reports every little self-congratulatory pat that our Homeland Security officers throw at their backs upon the stoppage of the plan. I am VERY grateful we have an office slated to stop terror within our borders. It's a frightening, maddening fact. But we gotta stop saying how we found the terrorists in the first place.

How about a news report of how the Homeland Security office admitted not being able to really tell if anybody was a terrorist or not, and how it's not even a misdemeanor to plan such an attack, as long as it's admitted to local authorities? Drum up some of the low-hanging froots and kindly end up in their living rooms while they sleep in musty corners with guns drawn and faces smiling!

Okay, just got an IM from "LISTAGENT@hsa.gov" whomever that is, so I gotta split. I probably made a "No-Fly" list.

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MC, HOST, CORPORATE, COMEDY, SEATTLE, GEOFF, LOTT, NPO

A $tudy in Restraint

If you're like me, sorry. Tax returns are beginning to be postponed while we get our things in order. That includes a lot of receipt separation for me, especially for the entirety of the comedy work I write off. But when it comes time to file, and the money comes back... WHATCHOO GONNA DO, BROTHER, WHEN THE GOVERNMENT RELEASES YOUR MONEY BACK TO YOOOOOOU?
(first off, I think income tax is a scam... you get taxed for HAVING A JOB, taxed for what you buy, taxed for selling anything at a profit, and taxed if you save and it the money makes money... and we're bailing out banks)

So, either I'm gonna plop my money into an interest-bearing savings account, an IRA, or a stimulus plan that includes dinner with The Wife! and an upgrade of home protection, including but not limited to, a flamethrower.

What're YOU gonna do with YOUR tax return this year?

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No, Not In My MySpace Space

Ty Willingham is a ridiculous tiny coach and should be fired.

Well, they finally did it to themselves.

More Money and Power make people more of who they really are. If you're a little paranoid about a little power and money, a lot will drive you further behind the fortress of cereal boxes you built at breakfast. You'd be alone, mind you, as paranoia's accusatory onslaught carries all the charm of a mosquito buzzing in your ear while your grandmother screams "HUH? HUH?" and you repeat your answer until she asks ANOTHER question, and all you can think of is how you can't wait to fake-Gay-Out yourself into banishment and away from this lovely - but stone deaf - woman's underbaked hams. You suffer because, dag-nabbit, they DESERVE your attention. And cards played right, you're getting the LP collection upon her passing, now 19 years overdue.

MySpace, a FOX/Murdoch-owned entity, has created a way to simultaneously look Safe AND Paranoid. If you have a Space account and tried to log in this morning you may have been greeted with a Verification window. It's an application that generates random numbers and letters in varied order and linear formation so that you have to take a typing test in order to log in and see who called you Gay. Or Republican.

You know that first time you did a mountain of cocaine and then over the next few months you were Super Positive that the monkey in the rhododendron was, in fact, a CIA operative? And then, to make sure she couldn't get in when you were gone, you stopped leaving the house? And THEN, to make sure she couldn't get in when you were home, you duct-taped the doors shut? Well that's what MySpace did.

Instead of investing in security WITHIN the network, they threw up a giant snorfling gate and said "TRY TO CROSS." And no matter what combo you entered, whether is was Correct, Right, or Perfect, you and your desire to be looked-at wasn't getting in. And I thought to myself:

"Well, they finally did it. They went ahead and hit critical mass of management, and locked us all out. Awesome." I was happy about it. It wasn't like having a withdrawal, no shakes or bugs. Just a feeling of relief that they'd put themselves out of our misery. MySpace, for all it's influence and ability to connect people, is really now aimed at people younger than myself, hornier than myself, and drunker than myself. FINE, that's why I'm getting more into FaceBook, anyway.

So, soon I'll dump the MySpace Account, as soon as I figure out the FaceBook a bit more. And when I do, you will all follow me to FaceBook.
Why?
What are you looking for? What do I have that you need?
Before you say another word, you'll need to know my secret phrase.

Which is?

"GET UNDER THE COFFEE TABLE, THE GRIDDLE IS HOT"

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