I have been working on-contract since 2006, when Cingular bought AT&T and handed me over to a boss who was "passionate about delivering quality metrics." I had no upward mobility in that organization, and was so angry about the jackload who was managing me at the time being allowed to manage at all that I took off. I said "Later days, better lays" and went the contract route. It's been good and bad and not great ever since then. Sometimes it's been a clusterfist. It has all been about making money, and that's not always a good thing. When you're making money, more than some folks you work with, you can still be on the shit-end of the butt-wiping stick.
Here "why" is.
Apropos of nothing, I can NOT get a good cup of coffee today. It's thrown my day off-center. Usually I get 2 cups of coffee in over the day, with 2 cups of green tea in there, but ride my ears if I find a decent cup in this dump. MultiBILLION dollar comp'ny, zip-point shit for coffoise. BALLS.
Contract work allows one the freedom to move from company to company as soon as you screw up a project. If you're good at what you do, like I am with building requirements, determining requirement-design gaps, project management, business intelligence, interviewing, and redirecting fart-blame, your contract runs out close to the time you achieve Full Immersion and Momentum! on a project. Kinda like being in the act of coitus and the interruptus happens right about the time you realize you're setting some new stamina record, but OH HERE COMES THE FANTASY SYRUP and then BLAP...
you're cleaning out your desk with a loin-heat unlike any you've ever felt, and you're out of work again.
But if you're under 30, unmarried (or financially secure with your partner's money), and without children, Contracting is a great way to build a resumé. Otherwise you wanna get in a place and put down roots. Here's why:
Contractors are treated like rent-a-Cops at concerts. Necessary, sure. Doing a job some folks could not do, or are just too busy for. You are good enough to work AT, but not FOR, that company. Don't forget that.
Contractors get scraps. If your company has an all-day off-site meeting with guest speaker Alfonso Ribeiro, that's EMPLOYEES ONLY, mmkay? So you sit tight and finish working while the Employees go nuts watching The Carlton Dance up-close.
Benefits aren't great. 3rd-tier health care. Little/no retirement investing. You're on your own to drop $ into a Roth IRA or 401k, and don't expect the consulting company you're with to match it.
So I am 100% thankful for, but now totally over, my Contracting experience. I am actively pursuing full-time, in-house positions with a number of companies, but I think a lot of it is going to be contacting my friends at these places. Which I'm happy to do. I interview a lot so I'm comfortable widdit. I just hope the coffee doesn't taste like trucker underwear.
Not that I have perspective.
--==--==--==--==--
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
MC, HOST, CORPORATE, COMEDY, SEATTLE, GEOFF, LOTT
Geoff Lott: Comedian, Writer, Philosoteur. I am here to amuse you, not entertain you. If not now, later. If not you, somebody else. If you can't laugh at yourself, that's just fine, too. I will do it for you.
Showing posts with label Contractors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Contractors. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Customer Disservice - Coffee Maker
Inez isn’t really into her job anymore. She’s in her 60s, wears a contracted company’s pre-approved, mandatory outfit on a daily basis, and like anybody with a badge around her neck that doesn’t legally back her use of a pepper spray/taser/attack dog/firearm/mustache… well, she’s just killing time until time kills her.
And it shows. For somebody who’s main responsibility is “stand at this register, push the buttons on this screen, and take money from people trying to pay for their spinach & oat-bran omelet,” it’s rare to see her there for an entire quarter hour. There’s a table to wipe in an unbusy café-seating area. Did anybody count Splenda today? What’s the respiration rate of the imported strawberries on the parfait bar, do we have a baseline on decomp? Inez’ll be on that stuff like mud on flaps, slaps on chaps, mustaches on your kicked asses.
Inez’s triumphant refresh of the coffee brewing and serving station and shuffling return to her register earned her a purse-lipped smile, a sigh, and this, from me; “What happened with the coffee?”
Inez: “Oh, it was out.”
And it shows. For somebody who’s main responsibility is “stand at this register, push the buttons on this screen, and take money from people trying to pay for their spinach & oat-bran omelet,” it’s rare to see her there for an entire quarter hour. There’s a table to wipe in an unbusy café-seating area. Did anybody count Splenda today? What’s the respiration rate of the imported strawberries on the parfait bar, do we have a baseline on decomp? Inez’ll be on that stuff like mud on flaps, slaps on chaps, mustaches on your kicked asses.
God is good. God forbid that I HAVE TO WORK at Inez’s age. I hope to work at that age only out of desire to be out of the house and supplement my royalties from my forthcoming cookbook, “Eating Indoors; Eating Healthy When You’re Shit-Freaked About A Crumbling Society.” Pretty much every time I want to get through a line, I avoid Inez’s line. Sometimes there’s no other way, she’s the only one running reg at that point and there’s no “honor system” for dropping a dollar in a bucket for a cuppa.
Case in pants: This morning I was one of three people in the café selection area, among imported pastries (Safeway, I think), yogurt buffet, and coffee bar. Ah, that’s where I wanted to get to. I went half-caf, half-Bold. One of the carafes was making like a VP and empty inside, so I went to the backup carafe for the Bold, a freshly-brewed silo of hot, dark, capillary-tightening coffee. Gimme. Well, Inez saw me go to the backup carafe as I walked away from topping off my cup. Another person headed for Inez’s register as Inez FOCUSED INTENTLY ON THE EMPTY CARAFE CRISIS OF BUILDING 4, and, passing myself and yet another person (3 now)… walked at a very relaxed pace to the coffee area 20 feet from her register.
Inez strolled into action and took the empty carafe off its foundation, replacing it with the fresh one. Then she grabbed the two full, used coffee filters and the empty carafe and headed off to the back-stage area of the café. She turned her head in time to see three of us waiting at her register for her. Realizing that people were waiting, she did the right thing immediately, by saying “I’ll be right back.” Maybe she thought we were all salaried. HA HAAA! I’m not good enough to draw a salary. Just a gross payment by an external contracting company from which I must pay taxes. So I waited, on the clock, for Inez to be right back.
I watched as she returned with a fresh carafe and two fresh filters for the coffee-making, which was welcomed by the loud exhale of the woman waiting to pay for her three bacon, two egg, one toast breakfast, and another fellow with a hard-boiled egg, cottage cheese, and a donut. And me. With my one dollar of coffee. Now in line for 3 minutes. Another person awaited a breakfast burrito.
Inez’s triumphant refresh of the coffee brewing and serving station and shuffling return to her register earned her a purse-lipped smile, a sigh, and this, from me; “What happened with the coffee?”
Inez: “Oh, it was out.”
Me: “All of it?”
Inez: “No, the one in the middle.”
Me: (playing dumb) “But the other one had coffee in it and there was a back-up carafe ready to go?”
Inez: (sighing) “Uh, yes. I had to get stuff for the other coffee to make it.”
Me: (pause) “That’s lucky. Oh, okay. I didn’t know you had to make more coffee right away. I thought you were just ignoring us. Here ya go.”
Gave her my dollar and left Café Ambivalence and their English-as-first-mumbling employees (Latinos to the kitchen!) to sigh their way into a layoff.
I thought I’d just go to the automated coffee vendor, but it’s so inattentive and cold. And more importantly, there’s nothing to complain about there. I expect crap, and it never falls short. By my calculations, Inez’s coffee move cost the company about $25 in pay to waiting employees. Each carafe holds $30 worth of coffee if they bottom it out. So I waited on Inez to make her facility another $5 until she waited on me.
Jeez, what a waste of resources, huh?
=================================
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
MC, HOST, CORPORATE, COMEDY, SEATTLE, GEOFF, LOTT, NPO
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Workin' It: Good Intentions vs. Good Traffic
There are days, as a new dad, that getting out of bed before 6:45 anti-Meridian is as likely as Barack Obama second-guessing himself. But today I was DETERMINED to do so. Getting a good start on the day is vital to getting the F outta work early.
So I got up and got moving. With only the most-minor lollygagging, I was outta the house by about 7:45 so that I could get to work at a decent hour, so that I could walk the 1/4-mile from the off-site, across-street, near-campus parking afforded to me, the lowly contractor.
Normally I'll leave the house around 8:10-8:20 and, with but a few red light waits (great name for a bearded indie band NOW NOW NOW) I zip to work and arrive by 8:45. Today, ha HA!, I left around 7:50. There was a back-up to the on-ramp, through 2 lights, stretching nearly 1.5miles. I thought it was just a small backer at the crosswalk as some Immigrant youth made their way to the public transit stop so as to ride to their "America Today!" classes. NOPE... Big stinkin' backup. So I said a long stream of expletives about debt and mortgages and sleep deprivation and the entitlement of youth and people who buy Aplets & Cotlets and why can't I install a new version of an internet browser at work instead of the shit-pile that is IE6 which does NOT have tabbed browsing??? NO, it does NOT have it unless you bang-in the MSN Toolbar which I cannot do, as I'm lacking admin privileges on this machine. Otherwise I'd be elbows-deep in iTunes. Pssssh!
The huge back-up to the on-ramp ellicited a new circuitous route to 405-North.
Long-story short, when it comes to your morning commute, there are 2 things you must keep in mind.
FIRST, are you leaving the house at a time when you are accustomed-to, even if it gets you into the office a bit later, but absolves you of jams longer than Phish unspooling at Bonnaroo?
SECOND, are you knocking out your debt so that this morning commute will soon be a thing of the past and you can take that drive leisurely in the near future, driving in the carpool lane with your giant middle finger raised to the Rat Racers?
Had I not left for Los Angeles a few years ago we'd likely not be in a position where I'd have to go do this work or take this trip. But Life is funny the way bee stings are tingly. You gotta go and do a few different things to really remind yourself of why you gotta stay the F outta debt.
To paraphrase Thoreau, "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, thy traffic maps be damned." What an asshole. Probably telecommuted.
====================
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
MC, HOST, CORPORATE, EVENTS, NPO, NON-PROFIT, SEATTLE, VOLUNTEER, CAREER, BEST
So I got up and got moving. With only the most-minor lollygagging, I was outta the house by about 7:45 so that I could get to work at a decent hour, so that I could walk the 1/4-mile from the off-site, across-street, near-campus parking afforded to me, the lowly contractor.
Normally I'll leave the house around 8:10-8:20 and, with but a few red light waits (great name for a bearded indie band NOW NOW NOW) I zip to work and arrive by 8:45. Today, ha HA!, I left around 7:50. There was a back-up to the on-ramp, through 2 lights, stretching nearly 1.5miles. I thought it was just a small backer at the crosswalk as some Immigrant youth made their way to the public transit stop so as to ride to their "America Today!" classes. NOPE... Big stinkin' backup. So I said a long stream of expletives about debt and mortgages and sleep deprivation and the entitlement of youth and people who buy Aplets & Cotlets and why can't I install a new version of an internet browser at work instead of the shit-pile that is IE6 which does NOT have tabbed browsing??? NO, it does NOT have it unless you bang-in the MSN Toolbar which I cannot do, as I'm lacking admin privileges on this machine. Otherwise I'd be elbows-deep in iTunes. Pssssh!
The huge back-up to the on-ramp ellicited a new circuitous route to 405-North.
Long-story short, when it comes to your morning commute, there are 2 things you must keep in mind.
FIRST, are you leaving the house at a time when you are accustomed-to, even if it gets you into the office a bit later, but absolves you of jams longer than Phish unspooling at Bonnaroo?
SECOND, are you knocking out your debt so that this morning commute will soon be a thing of the past and you can take that drive leisurely in the near future, driving in the carpool lane with your giant middle finger raised to the Rat Racers?
Had I not left for Los Angeles a few years ago we'd likely not be in a position where I'd have to go do this work or take this trip. But Life is funny the way bee stings are tingly. You gotta go and do a few different things to really remind yourself of why you gotta stay the F outta debt.
To paraphrase Thoreau, "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, thy traffic maps be damned." What an asshole. Probably telecommuted.
====================
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
MC, HOST, CORPORATE, EVENTS, NPO, NON-PROFIT, SEATTLE, VOLUNTEER, CAREER, BEST
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Read This If You're Unemployed!
I start my new job next Monday, and after a 19-month sabbatical/hunt, I am REALLY excited to get out of the house for a few hours a day. And provide more for my family, also. It's been a weird ride, but not one that I'd trade for the world. Maybe a couple grand, but overall the past year and half was really great.
But in all this time I was searching for a job, also. A day-job, a real job that would allow my talents in writing, direction, and hand-farting come to the front of the fore.
And I learned a lot in the past 5 years of being both a Consultant and a Full-Time employee of companies. I can't really designate the difference based on the designation by name, as it seems that most everyone is there "full time." But looking deeper, it comes down to the fact that the benefits one receives vary greatly. I have written a book about this that I'll be publishing shortly and it will make a bajillion dollars and I won't have to work anymore, which is the point.
ANYDOO...
Here's a MAJOR news break I saw this morning and MUST share with you, especially if you are receiving unemployment checks from any state, and are also looking for work.
Your payment is based on your most-recent pay-rate at a full-time position. So if you were making $35/hour, WHY ON EARTH DID YOU COME TO WORK DRUNK AND GET FIRED, YOU DIPSHIT? Another time, sorry...
...then your check would likely hit the max rate for the weekly pay, around $500 from what I remember in the state of Washington.
BUT, if you are unemployed and take a part-time job ("part-time" will vary based on your location, check that out) it can GREATLY REDUCE YOUR UNEMPLOYMENT PAY-OUT if you leave that job. Your $35/hour designation will be wiped out in place of your $12/hour, just to help make ends meet until you sell your book, "Cooking With Whine."
The full story is below:
DON'T CUT YOURSELF TOO THIN.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/csm/20100329/ts_csm/291284d
=======
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad, Gerry
My Blog About My Son, Graham
- I was in a movie, a commercial, and a radio commercial.
- I drove to and from Los Angeles with my wife and a cat, seeing the gut of Oregon (GROSS) and the Coast of California.
- I played 10 shows in Las Vegas.
- I became a father!
But in all this time I was searching for a job, also. A day-job, a real job that would allow my talents in writing, direction, and hand-farting come to the front of the fore.
And I learned a lot in the past 5 years of being both a Consultant and a Full-Time employee of companies. I can't really designate the difference based on the designation by name, as it seems that most everyone is there "full time." But looking deeper, it comes down to the fact that the benefits one receives vary greatly. I have written a book about this that I'll be publishing shortly and it will make a bajillion dollars and I won't have to work anymore, which is the point.
ANYDOO...
Here's a MAJOR news break I saw this morning and MUST share with you, especially if you are receiving unemployment checks from any state, and are also looking for work.
Your payment is based on your most-recent pay-rate at a full-time position. So if you were making $35/hour, WHY ON EARTH DID YOU COME TO WORK DRUNK AND GET FIRED, YOU DIPSHIT? Another time, sorry...
...then your check would likely hit the max rate for the weekly pay, around $500 from what I remember in the state of Washington.
BUT, if you are unemployed and take a part-time job ("part-time" will vary based on your location, check that out) it can GREATLY REDUCE YOUR UNEMPLOYMENT PAY-OUT if you leave that job. Your $35/hour designation will be wiped out in place of your $12/hour, just to help make ends meet until you sell your book, "Cooking With Whine."
The full story is below:
DON'T CUT YOURSELF TOO THIN.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/csm/20100329/ts_csm/291284d
So you may think twice before taking that part-time job. Some companies allow part-time work and dish out benefits.
As always, save at least 10% of every paycheck, pay down your highest-interest rate debts first, and don't ever, ever move to Los Angeles.
=======
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad, Gerry
My Blog About My Son, Graham
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Face The Challenge, Feel Twitter-pated
My wife has challenged me to not logon to FaceBook for one week, unless it is career-related, in pertaining to Comedy. This isn't that different than being asked to abstain from drinking unless it is a therapeutic dose. I'm accepting the challenge!
Starting Wednesday, January 6, 2009, I will stay off of FaceBook for ONE WEEK, 7 Calendar Days. In the meantime, if you have to get a hold of me, here's how:
But I'll blog, and that will update my FaceBook status.
No TWITTER, either. Not that anybody was following me...
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
Starting Wednesday, January 6, 2009, I will stay off of FaceBook for ONE WEEK, 7 Calendar Days. In the meantime, if you have to get a hold of me, here's how:
- Email. You can find this easily enough at my sadly decrepit website (my fault, not Blaine's).
- Phone. When you need me for a gig, call me. Talk to me. Text is okay, if you're a half-assed, dead-eyed, free-drinking "booker"/ex-comic with a huge blindspot to your own life who likes to book shows 4 hours before they start, 75 miles away. Not that Douglas James is reading this (no computer). Or if you want to show me your new butt tatt.
- House Call. If you don't know where I live, you didn't see any of the 308 postings for the condo we have returned to in Kirkland. Come on by and see me grinding me incisors down while trying to figure out the difference between the News and Live Feeds.
But I'll blog, and that will update my FaceBook status.
No TWITTER, either. Not that anybody was following me...
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
Sunday, September 06, 2009
My Book About Corporate Life, DONE
For those who don't know, haven't read this very often, or just need to be caught-up...
1) I'm going to be a dad in about 2 weeks.
1a) Yes, I'm a little freaked. I choked from rapidly drinking WATER 2 nights ago.
2) I spent a decade of my adult life in cubicles for a few of the Giants Of Industry, and laughed to tell about it. Some on-stage, much of it over drinks I shouldn't have pounded in the parking lot.
3) I decided to write a book about the experiences of #2. Poop joke? Not exactly. And "yes." But not exactly.
The book is about my experiences as both a Full Time employee - sardonically labeled "permanent employee" if you're dumb enough to believe that - AND as a contracted/temp/consulting employee.
There is a class war, a caste system in place among those cubicles and hallways, all based on the color of a person's access badge.
COULD IT BE? Can a person be JUDGED based on the color of their badge, designating their worth, place, input, salary, and attractiveness to a company?
The daily work situations of every employee of every major corporation, and how it affects them based on something so small, yet so big... the color of their access badge.
Send me a note, I'll send you a sample chapter, you tell me what you think. Please?
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
1) I'm going to be a dad in about 2 weeks.
1a) Yes, I'm a little freaked. I choked from rapidly drinking WATER 2 nights ago.
2) I spent a decade of my adult life in cubicles for a few of the Giants Of Industry, and laughed to tell about it. Some on-stage, much of it over drinks I shouldn't have pounded in the parking lot.
3) I decided to write a book about the experiences of #2. Poop joke? Not exactly. And "yes." But not exactly.
The book is about my experiences as both a Full Time employee - sardonically labeled "permanent employee" if you're dumb enough to believe that - AND as a contracted/temp/consulting employee.
There is a class war, a caste system in place among those cubicles and hallways, all based on the color of a person's access badge.
COULD IT BE? Can a person be JUDGED based on the color of their badge, designating their worth, place, input, salary, and attractiveness to a company?
HELLZ YEAH
And THAT is what this book is all about.The daily work situations of every employee of every major corporation, and how it affects them based on something so small, yet so big... the color of their access badge.
Send me a note, I'll send you a sample chapter, you tell me what you think. Please?
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Big News!
Things are going better every day here in the City of Angels.
The past weekend of shows at Parlor Live, in case you didn't make it out, were Awe-and-then-some. It was a riot to come back to the homegrounds and play for a new group of people, and to work with the ever-hysterical Collin Moulton. That guy's good for any type of comedy. Political, goofy, smart, weird, he's got it all. And he can choke you out.
Majorly big Thanks! to all of you who came to the shows. We're working on getting back there in a few months. And if you're in a part of the country other than Seattle, let me know you want me to come see you, and I'll dial it up for your local club!
Other news!
I'm finishing The Book soon. It's been a couple years in the making, but it's going to be a great piece to get out to the world. Based on three influential experiences of my life (2 books + 10 years in corporate america), this book is for anybody who has ever worked in an office, worked as a Consultant/Contractor, and thought to themselves... "I must have done something awful in a previous life."
The goal of the book is to get it out there on the cheap, sell a ton of copies, and to do some touring behind it, sell it like crazy to big companies, and bring levity to a world where the workplace is sometimes the cause and cure of our ills. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HEARING MORE ABOUT THIS BOOK, EMAIL ME! I want to start building a group to push the book!
Los Angeles Comedy Festival! I have two nights at the Festival this year. Hopefully we'll bring a good number if Industry gangstas into the shows. This is my first "big" show in LA, and I'm excited to knock this thing outta the park.
And if you ain't heard yet... we're having a baby!
Stay funny, stay awesome, stay positive. It's gonna work out.
AND I NEED A JOB, so if you're a company looking to hire somebody smart, who knows how to be a team-player and will kick much ass... let me know, would ya?
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
The past weekend of shows at Parlor Live, in case you didn't make it out, were Awe-and-then-some. It was a riot to come back to the homegrounds and play for a new group of people, and to work with the ever-hysterical Collin Moulton. That guy's good for any type of comedy. Political, goofy, smart, weird, he's got it all. And he can choke you out.
Majorly big Thanks! to all of you who came to the shows. We're working on getting back there in a few months. And if you're in a part of the country other than Seattle, let me know you want me to come see you, and I'll dial it up for your local club!
Other news!
I'm finishing The Book soon. It's been a couple years in the making, but it's going to be a great piece to get out to the world. Based on three influential experiences of my life (2 books + 10 years in corporate america), this book is for anybody who has ever worked in an office, worked as a Consultant/Contractor, and thought to themselves... "I must have done something awful in a previous life."
The goal of the book is to get it out there on the cheap, sell a ton of copies, and to do some touring behind it, sell it like crazy to big companies, and bring levity to a world where the workplace is sometimes the cause and cure of our ills. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HEARING MORE ABOUT THIS BOOK, EMAIL ME! I want to start building a group to push the book!
Los Angeles Comedy Festival! I have two nights at the Festival this year. Hopefully we'll bring a good number if Industry gangstas into the shows. This is my first "big" show in LA, and I'm excited to knock this thing outta the park.
And if you ain't heard yet... we're having a baby!
Stay funny, stay awesome, stay positive. It's gonna work out.
AND I NEED A JOB, so if you're a company looking to hire somebody smart, who knows how to be a team-player and will kick much ass... let me know, would ya?
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)