IgnoRant: My Dwindling Compassion For Dumbasses

A few weeks ago I performed at the Taste Of Tacoma, an outdoor food faire in the heart of Pierce County. For those not in the know, or "out the do' on the kanizzle" as we say in tha streetz, Tacoma is a town better know for its paper-smelting aroma (hot-car broccoli gas), random shootings, faux gang activity, and a nightlife mixture of Blade Runner and the Mos Eisley cantina, but with baby-mama drama. It's all very classay. Yes, "-ay."

To this very moment, I describe the Taste as "the most beautiful, painful, and ignorantly, brazenly sad sea of humanity to ever grace Point Defiance park." Let's run it down:

1. Horrible tattoos? CHECK. My favorites included a guy with two revolvers tattooed at his waistband, as if shoved into his overly-exposed boxers, as well as a scapula-covering black&gray pit bull with the words "Mi Vida" in cursive. Makes it classier, because it was, after all, a woman's shoulder. Every tattoo you should never get, from your girl's name, to your boo's initials TO THE HOOD EMBLEM OF A CHRYSLER, all over the meat casings of these walking billboards for late-term abortion. Explain THAT decision to your kids. What happens when the other guy has a "non-tattoo" gun?
2. Huge dogs with bad reputations? CHIGGIDY. See, you MUST represent. Outdoors, hot hot hot weather, kids running around with corndogs at eye-level to a blood-gurgling land-shark known as a pit bull terrier. How could this go wrong? As long as a few people with crappier lives than you think it's cool, hey, you're validated. I don't blame the dogs. I blame the parents for bringing their kids to a place where people be walkin' they dog at, mang. Yeah. That's what it is. Poor dogs. They don't even wanna be with those people.
3. Inappropriate clothing? CHUNDER! I am a proponent of lettin' it all hang out and being who you are... but if who you are has a fair amount of lust for a red tube-top that makes your backfat look like cleavage, and your heels be all sinking in'a groun'? Girl, you GOTTA get some body shame. That person has no real friends. Her boyfriend, guess what? MOUTH BREATHER!

Behold the phenomenon known as "DoubleBagging."

So, I came away from this place realizing that some zip codes should have birth control pumping through the water supply. Conversely, if somebody is smart enough and has the financial means to be using a Brita or Pur water filter, then they have shown they ought to be procreating. Everyone else, I want to make sure we aren't flooding our schools with more and more...

Wait a second... what am I saying???
What do I think I am going to change with this blog? Do I think people will drive better? Will cinemas get my drift and start showing movies On-Demand instead of whenever THEY feel like it? Are people going to STOP bringing their dogs into the store and holding them up like harlequin masques as if to say, "See? I am loved!" What do I expect of humanity?

Who is to blame for it all? The dumb, that's who.
At a point in the lives of dipshits, dorkwads, numbnuts, nerdjobs, fartkings, f*cktards, shitloaves, Lukas, Nickelback fans, and/or idjits, they made decision after to decision to just be Dumb. To stop thinking and start brain-mashing through MySpace and FaceBook and pop culture, they tuned out the voices of Life and said, YES to the voices of living through their technology.

So when a guy blows his hands off after making a pipe bomb to show off to his friends, I feel nothing. I feel bad for the people who saw it, that's a crappy day at the auto detailer, but Stumps Henderson, man, what sucks most is that he's gonna get some sort of disability payment from the taxpayers. He ought to be getting a hammer on one stump, nail feeder on the other. Or a trowel in one hand, seed dispenser in the other, planting trees in the community.

Part of me is so very fed up with the low-thinkers and the willfully ignorant. But truly, they are needed. Our society, as a whole, deserves to be doing better. But as long as people are fat, dumb, and using government stimulus checks to buy flatscreens while their kid's teeth grow sideways out they heads, we'll trudge along towards our next evolutionary step.

22, Bi-Sexual Female looking to Hook Up! Must luv Catts.

AND I SAY "GOOD!"
I have nothing but the highest hopes for all of us. But let's be honest, folks.
The hierarchy of humanity is a pyramid, not a table. There's less room as we near the top. The problem I see with being up there is there aren't very many people to talk to. And people can see up your organic bamboo-thread jammers.

So, nevermind. The people who I want the most to shake from their sugary cola-swilling trough-like Day Coma aren't reading this anyway. But please, Dear Reader, decide that you would like to be up the pyramid a notch or two, and go there. You deserve it. I want it for you. Your loved ones want it for you. And I'm tired of you looking up my kilt.

By the way. The Taste of Tacoma is malt liquor and breast milk.

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