America: The Greatest Idea In The World

Eventually I am going to be telling jokes in this vein, so hang in there with me.

America loves giving things to undeserving people. Food samples, tricked-out cars, makeovers, and most things Presidential, all of them given to people who prob'ly don't really have the faculties to properly process their blessings and the tag-along responsibilities.

Free food causes the most laconic of shopper to head-turn and eye-perk with the fervor of a Terrier hearing jangled car keys. Totally derails the person's afternoon, no matter how boring or disgusting the kibble. One second you're heading for some Axe Bodyspray... wha?... next thing ya know, you're nodding your approval of the Calamari-Black Licorice mini-quiche. Can't get the team together at work? Bring in food. People can't return vital e-mails or calls within 36 hours, yet they're Jedi-tuned in to a plastic knife diving through a sheet cake at a half-click.

Tricked out cars. Wellsy... it's been done to death. Long story short, if the car's driver had the maturity and intelligence to be able to afford what is being done to the car, they probably wouldn't choose to do THAT to the car. Enjoy your purple Brat, Tyler. Now you're a douche nozzle.

Makeover shows. Wow. People play negligently ignorant to improvement of the self for their entire lives, and BINGO, here come a gaggle of people who "just want to help!" People lose their motivation to work out or develop, you know, other personality muscles in hopes of getting ugly enough to be on TV. I'm addicted to these shows. The state of Washington has turned out 4 of the 20 women on The Swan's first two seasons.

As for the Presidential thing, hell, that's easy. Encourage voter turn out with free food.
"So you're telling me that I voted for Nader... just by tossing back a paper cup of GORP at PCC? Son of a bitch... BRILLIANT!"

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