The Blog About F*ck If I Know

I write to you from the Dell Tower Of Power in my cousin B-Rock's bedroom. He's 22 and I am wearing latex gloves. This kid is deviant. I feel weird using his computer when he's in the room. I feel like I should wait until that girl on top of him leaves, but Blogging waits for no tryst, even if it's illegal in most states between consenting Community College students. NO, I am not looking at them. Directly.
Hold on, gotta change camera angles.

He keeps getting IM'ed by somebody named, and I wish I were kidding, "kyssyfur meow. " Latest message:
RUT? Wanna see a movie l8r? I tootsied and it smells like cotton candy LOL!

$100 says that's a Jr. High science teacher named Orville wearing knee-garters and al dente schmeckel.

Last night was my cousin Sonya's wedding. She's about 6 months younger than I am, which makes two of my female cousins, younger than I, who have tied the knot. It's been all kinds of interesting to watch how this all goes down, the wedding planning. I think the divorce rate is so high in this country
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because people don't diversify their thoughts between the Wedding and the Marriage. 6 months to 1 year to plan a Wedding, which is one day of getting stared at by yet another relative with an oxygen tank, who knows you're part of the family, but can't remember if you're Rupert's kid or the one with the bent spine they adopted from Sierra Leone. The Marriage is FAR more important, that's where all the best sit-com material comes from.
Did you drink last night? I bet you danced sick, huh? Where RU? LOL!! ;)
So as my cousin B-O'Tard sits a few feet from me loading the clip of his .9mm Ruger... I'd rather be filming illicit movies... and testing the batteries in his stun-gun. He's really excited to go try his new rounds, which are like hollow-points but filled with a high-impact polypropylene ball that will keep the slug from exploding on impact, causing a much larger entrance wound.
I feel like getting crazy later? Do you want to come to my clas... come to my fort? LOL, MF'ER!
I feel the worst/best for Jeff, my cousin Jenniefaffer's new beau. This guy ROCKS. A successful lawyer at the age of 27, a truly good human being,
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and has a great family surrounding him, he's being tagged by every other person he comes in contact with as the next to marry into the family. The guy rocks, my cousing JoonieFlapper kicks much cakes, so that's something that I give full blessing to.
In the meantime, where the hell was I going with this?
Oh yeah...

No matter if you're getting IM'ed by vapid dad-haters with more looks than brains, hey, you're 22, play the field and enjoy the game.
No matter if you're getting ready to go to Mexico in a month, and you ARE going, with some of your favorite people in the world, go for the stories and the sun and the fact that there will be friendly and unnoticed nudity cabana-wide.
No matter if you're 30 and 2500 miles away from your comfort zone, use the means you have available to communicate with those you miss and love.
No matter if you're setting up a date with KyssyFur Meow for your cousin, make sure you use the words "Halloweener," "Jack O'Lickern," and "Statutory of Liberty."

Trick or Treat.
Smell my feet.
Change the camera angle again.

BTW, my cousin B-Rat got shit-housed last night at the wedding and tounge-rooted a bowling alley waitress. He's all class.
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Take Me Home

My Non-Funny Blog.