What You Are Laughing At

Wow, So Glad I Got Up Today

Last night I did a show in Bellingham with Shoogs B. The 'Ham is a good hour and twenty from Lott's Love Lair and Lasagna Lanai, and we got home close to 1 in the ay-em. My brain was going about a killion miles a minute when I got home, as G-Bro and I had a great talk about our goals in comedy, life, women, and overall ripplage of musculature. See, guys can talk about things! Ha! I have debunked yet ANOTHER premise!

I finally crash out hard around 1:30, alarm set and off to sleepytown. I have a tendency to sleep on my right side, which, if you've ever read about a sleeping position's effect on dreaming, the right side can be very intense. It's the creative side of the brain, so as you can imagine, forced therapy via dreamland can turn into "Fantasia" before the talking monkey flips you the bird. I eventually forced myself out of a dream that involved a date from hell with a woman who wanted me to drive to her dad's house and help her kidnap him to prove my affection for her, but she wouldn't let me drive without trying to take the wheel. I took it as another sign that issues with your opposite-sex parent play out in your relationships, and those are really heavy, unfair bags to carry and trip over. I carry bags, too, but they're more like book-bags now. I lost that steamer trunk about 2 years back, that felt good. It's always a good thing to hear that my friends are going to try some therapy. FINALLY we can both admit how gloriously F'ed up you can get those first 30 years of your life. Freedom lies on the other side of baggage claim, courage propels you to try to pack lighter. Anyway, I slept on the couch to prevent rolling to my right for a second date.

I flop to the floor around 7:45 this morning and, lacking the strength to carry myself, seal-crawl to the first of three Monsters for a shot to the heart... and you're to blame. Eventually I muddle through the morning and get to work. I'm actually excited as I slide through the door, waving my security badge by the scan plate and never breaking stride. I felt pretty Mentos. I sit at my desk, ready to take on the day. I had a new Macro in mind I was going to write for a large reporting system, to save myself about 15 minutes per report, which comes out to saving an hour each day. Eventually I will have to work backwards to even out the time I'm saving by being tech-savvy. ANYhoot, I'm tired, invigorated by my declaration to not date women who don't like their dads, back-ached from couch sleeping, and excited to save some time while on the clock...
AND THE FRIGGING REPORTING SYSTEM IS BROKEN, THANKS TO THE PROGRAMMING SKILLS OF A CONTRACTOR WHO HAS NO VESTED INTEREST IN THE DAILY WORK OF THIS COMPANY. See, he gets paid by the hour. If he messes up, he simply must fix it. In effect, he doubled his pay for the week thanks to his own incompetence.
But don't worry. Offshoring is good for the economy. I think I will start selling "What Would Vishnu Do" bracelets. Packs of 8, natch. Welcome to America, enjoy the chintz. Time for a car nap. If I'm not back in 2 hours, my Lotto numbers came up, and I'll never see you again.

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My Non-Funny Blog.