Last night was our 6th episode of HAX-TV, the Hostile Makeover show. With the help of Pinky Murdero and Tony "Thigh Meat" Moser, there was a great segment wherein Tones was given a fashion update. He has since abandoned the look in favor of his "Street Tough Charlie Brown" look. Damn if that guy ain't funny. Damn if that guy ain't got a talent for the comedy.
Damn.
Tony's rap video was tight, fresh, and fly. He gots mad love from tha streetz. Yeuh, Tone, whaddup Playah? Whaddup Pe-imp? YEUH BOY! No seriously, what's up? You left in a huff last night. What's up?
Luckily for us, it was dress rehearsal. Brousseau's intensity was key, he made us feel as if there were people watching. I need to be more tuned in for that stuff. He's good at what he does. And what a glorious head of hair.
We have a regular caller named Willie G who, for some reason, is obsessed with baby nuts and smoking pot and pants-pooping. If anyone knows a cop or a member of the FBI, let's get a trace on this Willie guy next time. I'm pretty sure you can find some Columbine plans and and underage alternative school chick in his parent's basement/apartment.
Overall the show was probably one of our best. And we didn't tape it. If you happened to tape it, pleeeeease let me know and I'll make you dinner for a copy. Dinner will consist of refried black beans, pulled-pork sandwiches, garlic fries, and soy ice cream.
HAX is back on the air in 2 weeks!
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Must Be This Tall To Mustache Ride
Mustache Rides. That is f*cking FUNNY.
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Funny Bad Story of the Week
A 19 year-old woman with brain damage was reported missing last week after leaving an argument with her mother during the Styx concert at the Puyallup Fair.
- Brain damage
- Styx concert
- Puyallup Fair
It kind of writes itself. It's got more arms than the Octopus Ride she was found taking tickets for 30 mintues later.
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Parenting Skills
The other day at the store I told a woman to tell her child to be quiet. I could actually feel every word coming out of my mouth. They were like hiccups, as if I couldn't control them but I was powerless to the forced contractions of air through my vocal chords, so are the days of my life. Her daughter, about 2-3 years old, was yelling and screaming while walking down the aisle, away from her mom's cart. The kid would run away from her mom, who never hung up her call, and mom would leave the cart or try and back the cart up with one hand and gaff the kid free-hand.
It dawned on me that the mom's convo was more important than A) her child's welfare, B) getting her shopping done in a timely manner, and C) the generally calm demeanor of the grocery store. I don't know what the call was about, but unless it was a negotiation with an East Timor child-labor sweatshop, it wasn't worth disrupting an entire store. So as the kid came running near me and I played soccer goalie, dancing back and forth to corral the chumpkin. I think she quickly realized I wasn't her dad and could therefore not be investigated for child abuse should she take a fall, so she stopped and looked up at me, silently. Her mom had yet to hang up. Mom looks at me like "isn't she a turd? I'm frustrated, too" and grabs her kid, with no "thanks" or "sorry" or anything, as if I was some metaphorical condom who's job it was to stop unwanted kids traveling up the tea/coffee/cereal tubes.
So as she grabs the kid by the hand, I say "You're not paying enough attention to your kid," and walk on down the aisle past her. I don't know if she heard me. I hope she realizes that a kid running around in a crowded store is not the safest little poopsie. People talk about "parenting" and "having kids" as being really hard. It would seem that you love them a lot and use common sense, and realize that YOU ARE THE BOSS OF THEM, and they will do what you say, not by reason, but by respect. So you choke-collar the antsy on for a few years, they'll learn. If you want to bring a kid into public and you can't control it, someone has to. If you can't control a loud 2 year-old, you better start saving their college money in a bail fund.
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"Not Everyone Believes In Travis Simmons, It's a Fact."
Take Me HomeMy Non-Funny Blog.
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