What You Are Laughing At

Yes, Virginia, There Is a Separate Santa Claus for Poor People

I'm going in for oral surgery tomorrow, called a "crown lengthening." Yep, having some jawbone reshaped in order to allow enough gumline room for a fake toof to be put in my mouth… I'm wondering how necessary this is right now. SuperGlue and "Lefty" scissors won't cut the periodontal mustard.

Recapping the last few days will be fun! I want to relive all the dead-weight comedy of a man I call "Oafmeal Grunty," so as not to divulge his true identity and allow people to think I enjoy him. I will tell you of his exploits! I will tell you of mine! I will tell you about the ridiculousness of a competition in which highly subjective material is judged by folks who would know very very little about Performance Skills, even if its canines were firmly entrenched in their tone-lacking sit-blobs.

I think it's important to address a fundamental issue affecting the nation right now. We'll get into it later, but I ask you this: A Child's Health Care? How little can they get by with? There will be a quiz.

Yes, I finished my second and last comedy competition on Saturday night. 3 weeks. 19 shows. 2 hours, 45 minutes of performance time. About 650 miles on the road. 4th place overall. Were it not for Oafmeal in the 3-hole bringing an average of 10 friends per show, many of which voted on his performance while submarining other comedian's scores. He's done it the past few years, also. Yes, it's a flawed system. The fact that Oafy was every close to first place, to WINNING, is a joke in itself. So where does my passion for comedy cross over into wanting some integrity in the scene? To the point where I can say anything I want in private to a performer, as long as I care not one iota of clown make-up how they react. Nobody can claim patents on the Chocolate Chip Cookie, because one small change, one different measurement "makes it your own." So what if it's got extra vanilla, it's STILL A CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE, you can't say it's "yours." Oafy is not a comedian. He's a guy who needs a lot of attention and coddling from people in an affluent community so that he can sell them windows or hardwood floors or whatever it is he sells. "Hey Honey, we have a draft here. We should double-pane the kid's rooms. Hunter and Molly both caught a chill last May. Let's call Oafy! His work is a stroke of genius."
Comedy and Writing are my passions, and I reserve the right to talk a LOT of sauce about it. Oafy, it wasn't your cookie to begin with. Get out of the kitchen, or bring something with actual fire to cook with. And that's more than you can shake your Stick at.

I feel truly drained after all those shows, as if comedy and I just had a shouting match in front of WalMart on Christmas Eve. Should have been a fun time were it not for being in WalMart for gifts and getting mad over it! I really don't feel like performing for a while. Then I come back to my "dayjob" and have to sit next to an adult allergy sufferer (i.e. hypochondriac) and the whistly wee-man with upper-respiratory issues. I really need to get my writing off the ground. I can't spend 6 months listening to Wheezy hack and sniff and whistle his way through many more 4-hour days, waxing moronically about the importance of spreadsheet input. The next sound you hear will be a Grey Goose flying home to roost 'ponst m'ice.

Yep, so now here's the Kid's Health deal. "Health-care fee for poor kids causes split." This is a $5/month premium paid by people on Medicaid to give their kids health coverage, voted on by Washington state legislature in the next 10 days. First of all, every child is poor, and are under the care of their benefactors (i.e. Parents, Guardians, Roman Polanski) to be provided with food, shelter, clothing, and an education. The Republicans and The Democrats, honestly two of the worst rock bands ever manifested, are split on this. Scandalous, I know. Here's their take:

Democrats: Premiums will force families to drop out of Medicaid, thus negating all health care to their family. SNAP!
Republicans: Families should take responsibility for paying at least a part of their kid's health care. HUZZAH!

Many families don’t have the extra $5/month to spare for their kid's health. If the kids have no health coverage they have to go to emergency rooms for care. This is time consuming and possibly traumatizing to the kid, not to mention that he's being teased at school for being poor and wearing an original John Deere trucker hat, regardless of authenticity.
If forced to tell my opinion, I'd say this: No child should be going hungry or uncared-for in this country. Every day that Carson Daly has a TV show and a child's tummy rumbles, a TV producer's Wheel Of Karma stops on "Lose A Turn." Yes, I think parents should be responsible for their children until that child is of legal age to drive or run shirt-making machinery. I would gladly pay $5 to make sure my neighbor's child is taken care of, but at what point does that child become MY responsibility? It's an investment in your child. This is health care, folks. Shots, colds, bumps on the head after trash-daddy, uh, nudges them down the stairs. We’re not talking tooth-bleaching trays or rhinoplasty.
I can see why this has taken the back seat of the Handbasket while a debate rages of Gay Marriages. Childhood Ricketsly speaking, What do children need more? Proper health care or a visit from the Fab Five? If a child needs help, Don't suffer the children when we should impose sanctions on the real culprits: Food engineers who haven't included enzymes in Animal Beer and other foods o' the poor which cause people to become sterile if they down more than a half-case a month. Go to the source.

Yeah, I said it. What?
Geoff