At A Loss For Words

Lately, I feel like I've been nothing if not consistently good at making molehills into mountains, and then hiking into those mountains, getting wine-drunk and throwing a torch into the underbrush to set that mountainside alight. Then I say something like “Oh man, I can totally clean this up.” I’m not afraid of taking my medicine, I’m just sick of feeling like I should be on meds.

The past two shows I’ve done have been lackluster. They have a luster quotient not being totally fulfilled. I feel like I get to a point where I lose the audience, and that’s just not something I can put on the crowd. When a room full of people aren’t laughing, they aren’t laughing about the same thing; Me. So I gotta figure some crap out.

Here are some things I’ve been doing that may be turning audiences off:

1. I’m too quiet
2. I’m too loud
3. I’m too expressive, and therefore they think I’m being “fake”
4. I’m not expressive enough, and they think I’m phoning it in
5. My material is too smart
6. My material is too dumb
7. My material is immaterial
8. My performance is too low-energy
9. I’m too high-energy
10. I suck.
11. I am going too fast.
12. I am going too sloooooow.
13. UNLUCKY!
14. Something, I can't tell what, but you know, it's like, there's a THING and OH DAMN, if I could draw it there'd be like a brick on it and it would be like, There ya go, but you can't just draw it... CRAP...

So I’ll work on figuring out what the hell I’m doing and get it dialed in. I have shows this week, and heading into November I gotta be on my game for the Seattle Comedy Competition.

Personally, I think I'm starting slowly and not defining myself from the moment I get on-stage. I've learned more about who I am since I started comedy than I ever did in any relationship I was in, not to mention the therapy that followed it. So I'll keep working at it, and hopefully the audiences will keep being kind of nice and laughing.

I am happy that I’m upset that I’m not doing better, however. I think the day I quit caring about how I do on-stage will be too many days AFTER I should have said “Thank you, and good night” for the last time. If I’m not getting laughs, I’m not getting the job done, and that’s just not fair to the 60 and Older crowds I’m playing to these days.

This was a very, very unfunny entry. Sorry.

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Harry Potter: To Live? To Die?

In just under 2 weeks, the final book in the wildly successful "Harry Potter" series (so popular, people dress their pets like characters!) will be released. The title of the book is rather ominous, Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows. This was also the original idea for something that later became known as "The DoodleBops." By going with the latter, they not only entertained children of a younger demographic, they also gave the parents of those children what Harry Potter's friends refer to as "a wicked-good acid flashbackery!"

There is speculation as to which of the main characters will meet their end in the book, because the author JK "White Oprah" Rowling has said "one of the main characters will meet their end in the book." But said with British accent, oh my, so charming. The "JK" must stand for "Just Joking!" HA HA HA oops I farted.

So, this book is coming out and people are up in cloak-sheathed-arms over the story line, the surprises, and to find out who dies. Websites more popular with nerds and virgins than mine happens to be (that's a compliment, sugarpoo) have wildly speculated which character will die, how they'll die, on which page they'll die, etc. Basically a Dead Pool for muggles. (yeah, I know a little H-Pot'speak).

I will go out on a limb and say that Harry Potter will not die.
Harry Potter is a fictional character who has made JK "Laugh Out Loud" Rowling very wealthy, and created a star in Daniel Radcliffe, the young actor portraying Harry in the film versions. So the character is fictional, not actually breathing, and therefore he cannot die.

And THUS, I spring forth unto thee with a waving of my wandle-stick (not near the open windows, please)... Sha-zam.

Honestly though, the story of JK Rowling will also make a great movie someday. She was once a homeless mother who took hold of life and got an empire of stories moving. Amen to that.

(there, that oughtta keep the nerds off my junk for a DAMN IS THIS STILL ON?)


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