The Possibility Of Assholery

Assholery is not an actual word per the uptight, ungroomed editors of Wikipedia and Websters. But I use the word to describe the general activity of people who are unaware, negligent, narcissistic (on the first try!), and on the whole, unpleasant. An unpleasant hole. Full of crap, hot air, ungroomed, bad oils. Asshole. And it takes one to know one.

I know this because I can be the biggest asshole in the room at any given time. I don't like to be. Being an asshole is a pro-active thing, not reactive, unless the reaction is over-the-top and uncalled for. But being an asshole carries two interesting traits: No "asshole throttle," and total asshole apathy. Simply not caring how big of an asshole you are being.

I don't try to be an a-hole nearly enough. I think there's a point when my cage needs to be rattled by a demonstration of assholery, and likewise to those around. There's no greater salve for complacency than an asshole's outburst. To mope, slope, and slog around as if there are no consequences for one's inactivity or apathetic life is a social welfare check; "It's fine to be bad at what you do, not pay attention, and speak like a juvenile idiot." No.
No it's not.

If somebody's side-holing your day, let 'em know. I work with a guy who works so mercilessly slow and methodically that it slows everybody else down. When I finally told him that I couldn't attend his meetings because we were 2 days behind due to his pace, he reacted as if I'd spent the morning reclined in his bed while his wife's perm bobbed on my knob. Fine, he thinks I'm an asshole. The days that followed saw him dash his repetitive meetings and free up a lot of people's time. In turn, WE GOT SHIT DONE. It was simple honesty and being forthright. America has lost much of its "BS Barometer" due to the creep of Political Correctness, causing us to never want to offend somebody.

Say whatever you gotta say, knowing that you may look like an asshole on somebody's sliding scale of Assholery. But don't hold back if it's the right thing to do. You can only be shat on for so long before being shat on is your fault. I think that's in the Old Testament. The worst somebody can legally do is fire-back a big "F You!" If you can take that hit, you're on your way to a special place in the Assholes of All Time.


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MC, HOST, CORPORATE, COMEDY, SEATTLE, GEOFF, LOTT

You Probably Think This Blog Is About You

Get over it already. Cheez-its GRAPES, be an adult, would you?

The only thing I can suggest is to take a really honest look at yourself (you can't) and go get some counseling with a real counselor (you won't). Tell that counselor what you think is wrong with everybody around you. And if that counselor is bilking you they'll tell you exactly what you want to hear and you'll come back. Or if that counselor is worth a damn they will listen to your tales of woe and martyrdom and ask you to do two things...

1) Fill in the holes where you should have told them what YOU did to other folks;

and

2) Find the common thread to the downturn of all those damaged relationships.

The only constant in every relationship of yours is YOU.

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MC, HOST, CORPORATE, COMEDY, SEATTLE, GEOFF, LOTT

Big Brother Sleeps In, Farts On Little Sister

Let's all admit right now that we have no clue how the government works. You can state all you just copied from a Wiki entry, but on penalty of asshole-waxing you cannot tell me what the Checks & Balances are. (it's how Government sets the standard for all corporations to stifle anything before it gets out of control and actually gets work done) But somehow our government, where the average representative - that's the place where there are 435 of 'em pulling a $174K salary - works a 3-day week in between committee meetings. And getting Lobbyist luncheon BJs. And bathing in slime.

So our Government cannot find a budget that works so they'll just quit and not show up? Sorry, there's no money to keep the lights on for a day? Bullshit. Get in there and fix that shit. This is the GOVERNMENT, it's somewhat important to people who think community activity isn't worth the time. It's maddening, truly. Big Brother wants to sleep in. Wants to roll over, take a rip off the bong, and nap until the weekend. Aren't we throwing firepower down Libya's throat for some reason dressed up to make it not look like oil?

They need to just go in there and push some shit around, look busy. Until now it doesn't appear anything has been done anyway. Seriously. And we're all too upside down in our tent mortgages to have the bag to skip a day of work, and REALLY shut the show down. You want to enact change, you don't vote. You get 50% of a workforce to dis-a-fucking-ppear for a Tuesday with no explanation. Send a message about who is in control.

Same thing in Washington, DC. This article tells the tales of those who are really affected by the stoppage: People making the $30K-$50K a year who're just scraping by in the economy's wet-fart of a recovery. The people who make the coffee, sweep the floors, shine the shoes, cut the hair, fold the shirts, make the meetings, unlock the doors, mop the bathrooms... they disappear for ONE DAY... shit'll get changed. Kinda like a "Day Without A Mexican," but documented.

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MC, HOST, CORPORATE, COMEDY, SEATTLE, GEOFF, LOTT

A Bus Ride To Downtown Perspective

This morning I walked outta my place without getting to moosh the face of my son, had a good-bye kiss from my wife, and about 5 minutes to hoof it a half mile to the bus stop. Just after 7a.m. it was about 22 degrees. So said the display across from my bus stop at the fitness club when I arrived. But I was up for the challenge having missed the 5:15am workout.

I had to do 2 short jogs to make it on time, which isn't easy in moderately-cushioned lace-ups with a 15lb backpack. Save your military story about humping a 90lb pack through the shit, I'm not enlisted, I understand perspective... MOVING ON... I arrived at my stop about 45 seconds before the bus did. Missing it would result in waiting 15minutes for the next one. 15minutes x 22degrees = 5 hours, so my hustle was rewarded.

As I stood there fishing out my change, a dark Suburban with tinted windows rolled up. I thought for sure that They'd finally come for me, after all my subversion and subterfuge, it was time... the TSA had come to screw up my morning! Instead, a petite gal in a nice outfit hopped as the bus pulled up behind her ride. She shot a "Yeah, thanks" over her shoulder as I moved toward the bus, happy to not be waiting out here, and thinking she wasn't really hearty enough to handle the cold, the walk, nor the rigors of a 20-hour work-week.

So I pay my fare and move to a seat when I hear the gal who was not willing to catch the bus elsewhere, nor walk-to, nor wait-at the bus stop, tell the driver "Oh what? The fares went up? Gawl..."
Yeah. They went up a quarter. They went up to make some money back that people like this chick... CUTTING TO THE CHASE...

I really should have said "You just got dropped off while I walked a half mile in sub-freezing temperatures," and let her process that while she grumped about how awful that she should have to work, being white and somewhat attractive. I hope her work with underprivileged, walking youth whose parents only drive sedans is fulfilling.

Either I got easily red-assed over this chick's inability to equate a car ride in bad weather to being worth an extra quarter and I mis-read the situation and acting "holier than thou," or she's a turd.

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MC, HOST, CORPORATE, COMEDY, SEATTLE, GEOFF, LOTT

Take Up A New Career You're No Good At!

Holy shit. I just read one of those stories where somebody went from a great job to the figurative - and literal, at times - dump shack, but rebounded with a big win! They went ahead and did what they love to do and Fate sat on their face!

Not only did this Big Pharma employee (well, HR...) work as the "Severance Administrator" when her company was acquired, she was responsible for making sure people transitioned to a new stage in life without a return trip to the office after a 5-day waiting period. With that kind of work under her belt... SHE MADE CAKES.

And not just any kind of cake... SHAKILY DECORATED CAKES! With uneven lines and easily-criticized versions of recognizable childhood figures! If I come off like an asshole, it's because Patti's throwing out a more expensive version of Safeway's mid-level work, and being lauded for not gobbling a handful of Oxy with a Belvedere chaser when she had a rough quarter at work. Ya-fucking-ay.

This is renardaloo. My sweet chocolate cheese-centered saboteur... these people are going from crotch-poaching to feeling better about their shoelace dyeing/taco-truck venture, and getting press for it.

I believe Arlington National Cemetery has a few plots opening for these heroes.

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MC, HOST, CORPORATE, COMEDY, SEATTLE, GEOFF, LOTT

Bill Nye Passes Out, USC Students Tweet For Help

Further proof that the "iGeneration" or "Millenials" or "DipTwats" are tech'ing their way into deserving a ban of their cell phones...

"If the Science Guy passes out and nobody Tweets, Did It Happen?" (article)

(quote from said article)
"Alastair Fairbanks, a USC senior in attendance for Nye's presentation, told the Los Angeles Times that "nobody went to his aid at the very beginning when he first collapsed — that just perplexed me beyond reason." The student added, "Instead, I saw students texting and updating their Twitter statuses. It was just all a very bizarre evening.""

I think there's a misspelling there. "Bizarre" is actually spelled "a room full of inconsiderate c*nts who should be a-f*cking-shamed of themselves."

Perhaps it's because it was at the University of Spoiled Children, or they thought it was a gag, or because it was Los Angeles which really doesn't need any more reasons to be cleaved from the continent and slid ocean-ward... but I hope the President of the Student Body writes Bill Nye a letter of apology for being absolute shits.

How many asked for their parent's ticket money back?

Abominable.
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