It's been well over a year since I last swung a picture badge past a security box to enter a building. During an interview last year in California, a young recruiter was confounded that I had not been employed for over 5 months. Her exact question was...
"I notice, like... quite a gap in your employment here. What happened with that?"
I won't read into what EXACTLY she was getting at, because I'm likely too smart to be able to. Her tone wasn't one of earnest discovery as much as accusatory anticipation. BUT, I think what she meant was "Why aren't you working when it appears that you (me) had a great job with AT&T?"
There are a few ways to answer this, but only 2 true ones. If you want to know them, you have to either be interviewing me or a dear friend. The casual conversation may only be bogged down while you wait on that $1 worth of a $5 sandwich comin' through the broiler. So, the WHY and WHAT of my employment gap is for me to know and for you to offer me the chance to show you why I'm a great hire to find out. For the record, I was not fired from my position with AT&T. I haven't been fired from a job since college, and it was completely the right thing to do, because nobody's going to believe you when the other guy in the clown suit has a bloody nose and won't stop crying.
Let's not forget that a LOT of very smart, capable, and considerably less-handsome people have been out of work for quite some time due to A MASSIVE ECONOMIC DUMP taken under the guise of "bad lending practices." Lest we forget, there are plug-ins and WiFi capabilities in any number of COFFEE SHOPS within a few miles of your home, 12-step meeting, dog's groomer, and office. How did we ever lose productivity? That's a question to post on your FaceBook profile, I s'pose.
And what transpired between the day I left until now, where the "gap" could have been filled in with money and $ecurity and routine the ribaldry of "Employee Recognition Day: You Work Here, Right? Have A Muffin!" , well... like, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
But seriously, somebody's about to hire a freakishly capable Business Analyst. Like... yeah.
Geoff Lott: Comedian, Writer, Philosoteur. I am here to amuse you, not entertain you. If not now, later. If not you, somebody else. If you can't laugh at yourself, that's just fine, too. I will do it for you.
Showing posts with label Analogy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Analogy. Show all posts
Monday, January 11, 2010
Saturday, December 06, 2008
That's What Friends are (meta)For
Solid carriage. Decent shape. Front tube, randomly disconnected and hanging downward.
Loses fluids frequently, causing to overheat. Not good for long trips. Runs hotter than it should. When hot, needs longer than usual to cool down.
Direction-signals need new covers. Somebody took them a while ago. There may be a blinker out, because a light comes on to say one is out, but they all work. False alarms on what's working and what's not. If you stop too quickly, the front bumper may fall off.
Massive chunk-shot to the windshield, causing a blindspot to the left. Gotta lean over to see around it. Out of windshield washer fluid. Wipers could use a replacement, but cleaning the windshield hits a major divot in the chunk-shot, causing more smearing than smoothing. The sun visor has been removed, forcefully, from the look of the shards.
Can't tell how much gas is in it, just gotta fuel up when you can, especially if the light comes on. No idea how the fuel efficiency measures up.
The interior windows are hazily bonded with a sheer coat of nicotine. All external viewing is through a slightly-distorted glaze of chain-puffed smokes. Ash-blown back seats and upholstery. Interior panel of the passenger side, which holds the handles for exit and window-dropping is off, stuffed into the trunk. Somebody else must open the door from outside to allow the passenger to leave. Unless the passenger can grip mightily enough to the one cable that opens the door. Wires bounce along, exposed to the elements.
Work needs to be done under the hood. The only person who knows how best to handle it is a man in a valley far away. But overall, it goes from point A to D to C, as long as you don't push it too hard.
A car, lent to me by a friend?
Or a friend?
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
Loses fluids frequently, causing to overheat. Not good for long trips. Runs hotter than it should. When hot, needs longer than usual to cool down.
Direction-signals need new covers. Somebody took them a while ago. There may be a blinker out, because a light comes on to say one is out, but they all work. False alarms on what's working and what's not. If you stop too quickly, the front bumper may fall off.
Massive chunk-shot to the windshield, causing a blindspot to the left. Gotta lean over to see around it. Out of windshield washer fluid. Wipers could use a replacement, but cleaning the windshield hits a major divot in the chunk-shot, causing more smearing than smoothing. The sun visor has been removed, forcefully, from the look of the shards.
Can't tell how much gas is in it, just gotta fuel up when you can, especially if the light comes on. No idea how the fuel efficiency measures up.
The interior windows are hazily bonded with a sheer coat of nicotine. All external viewing is through a slightly-distorted glaze of chain-puffed smokes. Ash-blown back seats and upholstery. Interior panel of the passenger side, which holds the handles for exit and window-dropping is off, stuffed into the trunk. Somebody else must open the door from outside to allow the passenger to leave. Unless the passenger can grip mightily enough to the one cable that opens the door. Wires bounce along, exposed to the elements.
Work needs to be done under the hood. The only person who knows how best to handle it is a man in a valley far away. But overall, it goes from point A to D to C, as long as you don't push it too hard.
A car, lent to me by a friend?
Or a friend?
Take Me Home
My Blog About My Dad
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