Does anybody out there know if the following is an already-prepped joke, and if so, by whom?
I'm not sure I'll ever do it on-stage, as it is a bit too cutesy, if not unfunny, for my sets, which lately have taken on an air of smarm with just a hint of Bourgoisie Masculinity. So here goes.
Muffins.
We call them "muffins" because, at 8:30 in the morning, nobody's gonna eat a Cupcake. You can jam all the blueberries you want in there, cake is cake, CarbLoader.
The only muffin that's actually a muffin is any muffin with Bran in it. You have never had bran cake, have you? And don't say you have just to try and ruin my muffin tirade. I'm not anti-muffin, I'm just anti-muffin naming.
Look, muffins are as much muffins as they are cupcakes, just depends on the situation. Morning, MUFFIN. Birthday party, CUPCAKE. Bedroom, BIKINI.
Like when that mulatto kid down the way is around his boys, he's "Urban." But the cops come around and oh boy, look who can't dance now? Be who you are, either muffin or cupcake. Accept that you may be both. But don't say Muffin when I can see your Chocolate Chips.
Call it what you will, but the truth is the truth. Muffins are for people who's dad would freak out if he caught them with cupcakes in the morning.
And their music is crap.
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Geoff Lott: Comedian, Writer, Philosoteur. I am here to amuse you, not entertain you. If not now, later. If not you, somebody else. If you can't laugh at yourself, that's just fine, too. I will do it for you.
9 comments:
muff cake
I would say, cupcakes use cake batter and muffins use batter that's typically used in non-cake situations. An entire bran-cake or poppy-seed cake just isn't appealing to me unless it's in a smaller handheld cake-ette format. Note that both "muffin" and "cupcake" are terms of endearment, but "fat pills" and "ass builders", not so much.
I've noticed how celebs who are the slightest bit African American claim their urban-ness to their financial benefit. They're "black" when it will suit their needs, while the only 'hood they've ever seen is on their Mercedes.
There is so much racism in dessert items. Why are brownies called brownies? You don't call lemon squares 'yellowies' do you? Apple crisps aren't called 'crumbly lunar surfaces'?
You have to accept your muffin ancestry and be proud, at least your not some cracker-ass turnover.
Seen this cupcake-muffin comparison done in glamour magazine, when talking about caloric intake of starbucks muffins.
sorry.
I think he was inquiring about the cupcake-muffin comparison as it pertains to race. In that context I haven't seen it done before.
sorry.
I did this joke on-stage last night and heard a lot of laughter as well as a couple of "No shit!"s from the audience. Diversity is awesome, especially racial diversity.
Overall, I guess it's about labels that other people put on us. We don't have to be what they said we are, just to be part of their bakery case.
Stop having mini-muffins out of Breakfast time!
Mariah Carey, Derek Jeter, and Halle Berry each have one white parent but since they have ANY African American ancestry they're considered 'black'. Others like that I know play both sides of the fence whenever possible. They're a 'muffin' around other 'muffins' and a 'cupcake' around other 'cupcakes'. As the whitest white-bread whitey, maybe I'm just jealous that I don't have that option (look who can't dance EVER). Of course Tiger Woods may still be whiter than me. I think it more depends WHERE and HOW you were raised, not the color of your dough.
YES! Responses, ideas, thoughts!
First off, I should know better than to touch a food joke after hearing so much of Gaffigan's goods.
Like I wrote, "society" has its labels depending on how they see What they see. Race is a genetic pinprick, a small piece of however many "-illions" of puzzles that can determine far too much of a person's perspective of, and from, the world they live in. If I were judged solely on how people of European lineage have acted throughout history I wouldn't have made it this far. Assholes come in all colors.
I smell an adult movie title!
Race, dogma, sexual identity, socio-economic status, etc. are never as important as Character, for which there is no box to check on the job, college, or loan application. I get along with anybody who's cool, regardless of their muffin/cupcake lineage.
Coolness. That's Pure, idn't it?
I agree, bands like Public Enemy and Arrested Development are a few examples of groups that were socially relevant and thought provoking. Now, it seem's more about "all the beeyotch's you gonna bone" and how "I can out-bling and out-pimp your Escalade".
Kind of like how Warrant and Poison ruined any substantive metal (yes, there really was SOME).
They take any music, see that it is marketable, and turn it into a business. Why do you think all the pro athletes are taking on a rap career? Do you think they really have some pent-up anger and injustice about being millionaires? I think it's more about being $uccess in another market, with the least amount of effort.
It all went downhill after 'The Superbowl Shuffle'.
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