I, Lizzy Pilcher, and Blaine Reeder will each be performing for 20 minutes. At the end, we battle to first blood. Cost is $6, show time is 8:30pm. COME ON DOWN!
NEVERMIND... you missed it... GAWSH
TONIGHT, Wed., 1/19/05: Divine Sucrets of the Ha Ha Sisterhood and Copyright Twins. 8:30pm:
KILLORN O' will be performing, and you need to laugh, so GO.
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Tonight marks the 4th season of "American Idol." The auditions are over. Some dreams are going to be realized. Some are going to be crushed, then revived when the dreamer is seen as a novelty, an imp, a "freak" if you will, and people can make money exploiting their lack of talent.
Most of us know the tale of William Hung, a mildly disfigured boy who never says "I quit," and never says "Yes" to orthodontia. His audition for last season's Idol was an enthusiastic but spastic rendition of "She Bangs" by Ricky "Livin' La Vida Retardo" Martin. It was uncomfortable to watch, but he went for it. He did the best he could, and isn't that what counts?
No.
What counts is that the guy caught a break. He did not get to where he is because of talent. Talent is an endowment, a gift, the "it" that seperates the learned from the blessed. However, some people train their skills beyond some other people's natural talents. The human mind can fathom a great number of scenarios (see: Tool Videos or LSD), but the human Spirit is the ultimate catalyst. William Hung has the "it" that a lot of people miss: He cares about what he does, and has fun doing it. He is talentless, but he is not driveless.
And when it comes to talentless puddles of ass-sweat, Ryan Seacrest trails only Carson Daly for "King Dampspot." Carson Daly answers the question "Has any human ever successfully mated with a Furby?" See for yourself.
To get to the point, FINALLY, I have seen a great number of performances on comedy stages lately that make me cringe. These are performances by comics who have been going at it a while, yet are stuck in the wake of the U.S.S. Apathy. These are a few rules I try to follow when I step on stage, so that I give of myself fully and don't blame or assault the audience for lack of response.
* A joke falls flat, and is followed with "I think that joke's funny." Then I should have kept it to myself, or tried it out a few times before dropping it on the crowd, working the rough spots out. There's a big difference between being able to write a good joke that everyone laughs at and whoring yourself for a laugh.
* Asking "Ya know what I mean?", "Know what I'm saying?", or "Right?" As a performer, it's my duty before taking the stage to believe in myself without the need for the audience's agreement that what I'm doing is acceptable. More than that, I would have ceased being connected with my words and I amthen no longer present, but going through the motions.
* Single-phrase joke structure. I see a lot of hacky, offensive comics do this. I have a couple of small jokes that started with a funny idea, a word or two in my head, and I tried to build up the idea around them. There ought to be a few licks before ya get to the center of that funny Tootsie Pop.
* Going over time. We all only get so much time to perform, both on-stage and in life. Every performance of mine should have SOMETHING of benefit, even if it's just for me. Zero growth = additional death. When the time is up, sticking around just bothers everyone who needs to move up a notch. Finish the will, and head for the great green room in the sky. Know what I'm saying?
(I kind of did this last night at the show, sorry guys)
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