What You Are Laughing At

Reactionary Management

This is an actual line from an actual company-wide e-mail regarding the Netsky virus that started manifesting on 2/2504.
"If the subject line or body text doesn’t make sense, it’s probably a Netsky email.Any email with an attachment, even one from someone you know, should be regarded as suspicious. If the subject line or body text doesn’t make sense, it’s probably a Netsky email."
This would be true of 75% of the crap I get from co-workers every day. I'm using this as an excuse to delete busy work (a.k.a. "coloring books") from my InBox. Rad.


The Master of Ceremoaning

It's gorgeous out today and I'm inside. I'm stuck at my desk. Ten feet away is the office of a guy who is new to the company, brand new. Brand spanking new personnel in an office (read: meeting-calling lower-middle manager), while numerous peeps have been handed their walking papers. Not me, though. I'm at the level where I'm a fully interchangeable cog in the machine. They're not going to lay me off.

The next sound you hear will be me, full-body sobbing.

Back to the new guy. He's from the East coast, and he's got a pretty annoying habit. Lots of guys do it. Not many women go for it. He's trying to set a record. He whistles. Yep. Puts his lips together and sucks the peace out of the day by whistling non-descript notes into the air. No songs. No symphonies or classical movements. No Strauss. No Wagner. No Chopin. No Snoop. No Dre. No Dido. No Vanilla Fudge. No Moby Grape. No Three Dog Night. No BTO. No Eagles. No John Cafferty and The Beaver Brown Band. Just notes. Just randomly placed notes. Whistled. Just notes strung together in 8 second bursts that lead nowhere. Say this sentence: "Dog and shoe for you and me and tree and go and though we know for cheese is pleasing yay!" That's the verbal equivalent of his whistling.

So WHY whould he whistle? Why whistle at all? We do it for different reasons, I know. This is an environment where, if a person talks loudly at their cube on the phone, they believe they are seen as "motivated." I refer to them as "grossly underachieving." Whistlers must be "jaunty!" BOOOO! This is crap. Something needs to be said. This guy talks loud, whistles loud, leaves his cell-phone ringer on the highest volume and likes to impart as much "Corporate Speech for Dummies" as possible. This includes "matrix management" and "cross-leveraging disciplines to think out of the box in order to force-grow market share potentials." After reading that, did anyone else throw up in their mouth?

This is nothing new, and certainly not office-worthy. Offices only afford people quieted phone conversations and circulating their own flatulence. And the gasbags here are prob'ly frying their circuits from lack of oxygen. Luckily they have a good circulation going from the whistling.
Oh. Now I get it. I'm not cut out for management.

As far as comedy goes I'm on the verge of another break-through. I've been doing my jokes so often these past few weeks that I'm ready for all new stuff. I'm going to take some time off the stage on the weekends throughout March so that I can recharge, write, and watch some buddies do their comedy ha-ha. Comedy is a tough endeavor. It's fun and fulfilling and immediate justice (funny = laugh, not funny = no laugh), but to do it right, with total originality, performance skills, and connecting to an audience requires talents and blessings that a lot of guys will never have. I have them to a point so I need to exercise them to build them up. But people doing street jokes is like whistling "Singing In the Rain" when it's Raining. One, the irony is not funny. Two, it's SINGING in the Rain, not whistling in the rain. Keep it to yourself.

Olympia, here I come.
Geoffers