The Geoff Lott Rules Live Tour Of Comedy & Talking

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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Wow... Now THAT'S What I Call A PIE!

We all want a piece of the pie. The pie filling is different for each of us. A la mode? For some, not for others. But we want it.

Sometimes you get a piece as a reward for helping make the pie. Perhaps the pie was your idea to begin with, from the shape to the recipe to the full production and presentation. So you should get pretty much the whole pie, if things were all equal.

Sometimes you are given a piece of pie "just 'cause." You likes pie, the giver knows of your affinity for pie, and why not have a little more?

But there's a giant pie divider that says "No matter how much pie you have, we get some of it. If you want to have ANY pie, you have to share some with others. Not the whole thing, but enough that you'll feel like you are left with crumbs. Some people have NO pie, so enjoy what you get." It's not your fault that some people have NO pie, you're doing the best you can to get yours! And the more pie you get, the more you have to give back. It's the sliding pie-grab scale. Work harder, have more pie in front of you? Prove you made it, and you don't have to give any back. If someone gave it to you, however, not only will the giver have to remove some pie, the HQ of Pie is gonna take a piece of whatever you spread around.

You don't want to throw the pie around, you like the pie. But bills cost pie. Shoes cost pie. Pies cost pie. Every exchange of pie requires a nibble-more than you would like, so that pieholes are filled in homes and roads and schools. It's how the pie goes round, and how more pie comes to you.

Now, you can start making your own pie all you like. It's not an easy endeavor, but if you can turn out enough pies, you will be happier than most folks. Use quality ingredients like blood, sweat, and Granny Smith apples. Use unsalted butter, and only the finest facilities you can afford. Then go on TV with your tiny little twin brother and explain how you did it, so that others will say "YES. If two ewoks can drop on the power of the BananaCream, so can THIS guy who's been up all fuggin' night wonderin' where his pie has gone."
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In the preceding story, for a lesson in social interaction and financial progress, you can remove the word "Pie" and include "Pimpy Sauce" or "PurpleFlake Colombian" or "GroupieLove." You know how it is in the game, man.
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