The Blog That I Decide to Yell At The Computer In

Second time now, my keyboard shortcuts erased funny blogging.
FAWK.

IRONY:
I work for a cellphone company, and the worst phone ettiquette of all time is right here in this company. If you're indoors, turn your phone off. You'll hear it vibrate if you're near it. If you leave, and the ringer's on, then your cube neighbors all get to ponder what kind of jerkhole leaves their cellphone on, and what kind of human consciously chooses "Fur d'Elise" in 1's and 0's to express themselves via communication device. IF YOU'RE NEAR IT, YOU'LL HEAR IT. Vibrate or die.


IRONY:
The monkies on whom science has tested numerous vaccines are now so scarce that science fears running out of monkies to test vaccines of the new superbugs on. In the meantime, a massive flu and cold bug-outbreak has gripped London. Thank YOU Simon, Ruth, and Nigel. Step up for a vaccine test, and get a can of sardines! We'll not tell a soul you're on the dole. It'll be our li't'l whispers.

SWEET:
Comics rejoice! Itemize your deductions and get an extra $500 credit! What the chunk am I saying? Comedians ITEMIZING tax deductions such as mileage, gas, food, morning-after pills, and Axe BodySpray to cover up 3-day road-trip swamp ass? Right. There's a better chance James Inman will write an "airline food" set.

IRONY:
The value of your education is apparent only to you. I hope you studied Odds are that a college degree won't mean SHYTE to employers very soon. When a company decides to tap the work resources of a nation that speaks English as a 3rd language, you can bet that they are saving money at all costs. When your President says he's created 800,000 new jobs, make sure those jobs aren't all going to people who don't mind eating with a fly on their eye. So what's the next wave of employment? Self-contracting. Yep. You will be your own boss. Ask for a little more money, take care of your receipts and your benefits, and never again work for a company that doesn't give two kebabs about who it's hiring.


I work 3 cubes away from a guy wearing a XXL t-shirt, running pants, and slippers at work. You know what the sound of failure is? The "zwip-zwip" of nylon in the IT department. And those pants aren't for exercise, those are for random desk-nap comfort levels. And he's from America. Kennewick, to be exact. Oh... now I get it. We. Are. Slobs.
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