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So I checked out the Personality Disorder test that you may have read on Blaine's Blog or Blogo De Shoogs. I took the test myself and I had a High level/tendency towards narcissism, and everything else was pretty low. I don't disagree with that, I find myself to be self-involved and self-preserving, unless someone could use a hand or asks for help, then I will pitch in. Usually free of charge, but gawd knows it's nice to move a dresser with the promise of a cold six on the receiving end. I have been told that I am elitist, a bit of an a-hole, and a f*cking (fill in the blank). To each their own opinion. I have had moments, hell, months of my life where I truly did not give two loaves about anybody else. That period usually followed a spate of me being too involved in things other than my life, and that imbalance usually gets one in trouble. I'm much more balanced now. I rarely venture out of my world now.

The questions of the test were pretty funny, too. I posted a few here that were pretty much loaded questions, or at the least, poorly written, in a way to cause some confusion in the test-taker, because a lot of people are pretty dumb. Let's be honest, you're probably a co-worker of someone who's lips move when they type, and who breathes with their mouth open.

Some of the questions!

• Do you tend to avoid social relationships? "Social relationships." Please define. Like general, "hey what's up?," superficial stuff, or ???
• Do you find yourself unaffected by praise or criticism? Do I have to be unaffected by both? Someone was too lazy to type another question.
• Do you feel a yearning for acceptance among your peers? Did you just use the word "yearning?" Acceptance... I don't know. I guess if I consider them my friends. I'd rather be feared than accepted. Or no, lusted after, that's it.
• Do others see you as being cold and distant? And if you answered Yes, how can you be sure, if you're that distant?
• Do you find it hard to concentrate on one thing for a long time? Define "long time." Also, it depends on what that one thing is, and what # date I'm on.
• Do you sometimes profit at the expense of others, without being bothered by the pain or damage you may cause them? Yeah, every day. If there was anybody else with no foresight who wanted this job and didn't get it, then yes, every day we all do that. Do you do X without feeling the Y that others may feel? I don't know what others MAY feel.
• Do you consider your needs to be more important to you than the needs of others? Yes, all the time. My needs are more important to me than the needs of others because I'm responsible for getting them met. I can't give a man a fish if I haven't caught one, can I?
• Are you often uninterested in the feelings of others? The loaded "negative affirmation" question. Do you not want to answer this?
• Do other people accuse you of being manipulative? Ssometimes, but I can usually change their minds.
• Have you ever been in jail or done something that you could be put in jail for? Try answering this honestly, including every time you drove your car after a few Xanax & tonics.
• Do other people accuse you of being self-centered? Perhaps. I don't really pay attention.
• Do you have trouble not taking criticism personally? See, they do it again here, the negative affirmation. What the hell is the deal here, do they think I'm not going to see this? Do they think I am some bimbo? FAWK THIS TEST! I AM GOING TO THROTTLE THE NEXT PERSON WHO DECIDES IT IS THEIR PLACE TO PLAY "PEOPLE'S COURT" WITH MY DREAMS! SOMEBODY.... IS GOING... TO DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGRRRRRRHGHGGHGHRHRRHAAAAAAAAAAAA
• Are you prone to bouts of anger? A resounding "SNORT" and a "NO, thank you."
• Do you often get stuck on the details while missing the larger picture? Sometimes, but I find that women kind of like that. And isn't that what it's all about, lying to women?
• Are you very concerned with your appearance and how others perceive you? Why, do I look heavy to you? "Very" concerned? No. This should be two questions. "Are you concerned with your appearance?" and "Are you concerned that others think you're a slob?"
• Do others accuse you of being rigid or stubborn? This question is horse-apples and I refuse to cotton to such banality. I say GOOD DAY, Sir. Thomas will show you to the door.

I hope you can see that this test is not 100% accurate, but I do have to agree on the narcissism. I'm a bit of an elitist, and while I understand that other people will say things about other people, I hope that when I come up in conversation, as I tend to do, they realize that I don't care what they say, just so long as they're talking about me. Press is press, people, even if it's a "stolen" romp tape and a pending lawsuit. Nothing can remove the memories of my weekend with that Mrs. Garrett look-alike.

Narcissism is a level of self-involvement that borders on insecurity. A semi-constant wondering how I am perceived by others, OR a high level of self-concern. Hmm.... I can look at myself naked and know that I'm surely not obsessed about my looks. I can see that I'm losing some hair and have yet to replace it with a convertible (irony?), but I do want a Benzo Roadster at some point. I like to dress well and smell nice. I read books and articles about overcoming fear and anxiety in order to achieve the highest goals in life. And when I hear reports of people speaking badly of me, I laugh. For some reason, I guffaw loudly as it rolls off my back. I have developed a sense of humor about myself as a shield against the photons of low-thinkers. And I do these things because I like to, because I want to be this person I am constantly becoming, and not because I want to fling it in the face of the tragically unattractive.

Anyway, I have a personality disorder, according to that test. Just one, after 30 years? I guess I have every reason to love, love, love the Me that is the I that I am for My Self. I need a little "Me" time... if I know what I mean.

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