What You Are Laughing At

Oh Holy Crap

So I've been ruminating over the case of poor 8 year-old Haley Waldman today. Haley was born with a rare digestive disorder that, if she eats wheat, can cause "blocking (of) nutrient absorption and leading to vitamin deficiencies, bone-thinning and sometimes gastrointestinal cancer."
In order to not, you know, get gut cancer, but still take her first Communion in the Holy Church, Haley ate a rice-flour wafer instead of the classic wheat-flour wafer. The rice-flour will not cause, you know, bone-thinning and GI cancer in this 8 year-old girl.

However, Haley's communion got DQ'ed by the church due to the lack of wheat in the sacrament. First of all, this is a group of people denying this girl's right to a life free of, you know, cancer at the age of 8, because of what it says in the Bible. "There must be some unleavened wheat in the wafer for it to be God-worthy of consumption. Is anybody else asking themselves "Art thou kidding the f*cketh out of thee?"

So here we have a girl who was brought to church by her family from an early age to have religion thrown all up in her head. She doesn't really get to choose, she's likely following whatever her parents say as a way of making them happy and hanging with some of the neighbor kids who'd rather be sleeping than coloring yet ANOTHER Jesus/Mary/Donkey activity page. Connect the dots, receive salvation. Amen.

This same church now denies that she is saved by the taking of Communion, as it was INVALID. Do they think she was pulling an end-around on the Holy Spirit? I don't want to speak for God, but I doubt God cares if an 8 year-old eats a wafer made of rice, wheat, or goat-meal. In her heart she's just trying to show God that she's aiming for the best and brightest she can be. And these Holy Ghostbusters of her local church crossed their beams and put her salvation in the containment unit of eternity due to what is essentially a Birth Defect.

How about instead of metaphorical spiritual regurgitation, these High (ass)Holy fruitcakes pray that Haley's condition be reversed so that she may play eat by their rules? OR, how about forcing Haley to eat the wafer, then promising, PROMISE PROMISE PROMISING that they'll pray for her when her body turns on itself due to the sacrament of the Christ which she partook in? So are they creating one more Bible-thumper, or one more group of people who decided, like me, that the biggest problem with any Religion is the Religious?

This girl is already in the Good Book at the gates just for putting up with these Holy Waterbrains. I hope these f*cks are sent to hell and continually ass-pillaged by demons with 6-cocks made entirely of 7-grain wild rice. Raise thine hands to the Lord above, you wafer whores. Here comes your San Francisco treat.

DING DING.

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