What You Are Laughing At

Now Would Be A Good Time To Leave
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Holy infant so tender and mild, I work next to one of the most annoyingly enthusiastic people ever to walk the face of a Harry&David catalog. This disembodied voice, slightly nasal and broken only by coughing fits, of which there are two per day (10:30am & 2:45pm), consistently draws from a vast knowledge of "snappy comebacks" and "saccharine sarcasm" to, well, darn it... Keep spirits up around here! Oh yes she does! Yes she doobly-do!

Fashion, if you can call it that, is seriously lacking any semblance of knowledge that it is 2004. Comfort is key, I dig it, but oh lord, the sweaters parading past my desk each day make Pink Floyd's "The Wall" movie look like a flip-book. I haven't seen these horrendous color combinations since the last time I ate salsa with Lucky Charms, then puked. Does the Queer Eye 5 do 40-something tree-huggers?

She's actually a very cold person, too. Once away from her desk she is cooled way back, as if she's not the one who just finished a 37 minute (you count the time when life is hurtin') conversation with her sister about where she may have put the Male Cardinal Ornament because, she just knows it was next to her favorite cat ornaments. Oh lord, do you see why I'm up to 2 bottles of cough syrup a day?

People are people, so why should it be
Everything she does bothers the sh!t out of me?

She's having a coughing fit RIGHT NOW. This is the 3rd one today. These go on for a good 3 minutes. Why? Because she doesn't get up to get some wa-wa. Why? I don't know. After once kicking a bookcase I had moved into a hallway I remembered that "Hey, if I don't want a sore baby toe after yelling the big F at 1 in the a.m., so I'm walking over here." It's learning, adaptation, growth, and not dying of a sore throat in 2004.

Somehow this won't come up on her yearly review.