America Has Spoken

Last week, I think, there was an awards show where Queen Latifah (sassy!) hostessed a night of giving celebrities some awards as voted on by "America."

These were the "People's Choice Awards." People none of us know somehow worked their computer or wrote their favorite band, actor/actress, movie, and chain-restaurant commerical onto the back of a WalMart receipt in crayon and cast their vote. Fewer people voted in our last primary than dropped their Heart-Dotted-"i"s on their "ballot"/Claire's receipt into a mailbox in an envelope marked "Hollywood!" and hoped for the best.

Here is a snippet of "The People's Choice"s.

• Favorite Band: NICKELBACK (I should stop right there, huh?)
• Favorite TV Comedy: "Two And A Half Men" (over the S-plop that is "King Of Queens" and the sublime genius of "My Name Is Earl"? )
• Favorite Movie Comedy: "Click" (didn't see it)
• Favorite Funny Male Star: (are you ready?) ROBIN WILLIAMS

I can't even go on after that last one. I will be comedically famous one day, I'm sure, but I hope it's because I am one of the least-liked comedians among people who think Charlie Sheen, Adam Sandler movies, and Nickelback in the iPod-clone equals "a great, if very lonely, evening."

Some people have spoken...
in a slack-jawed gurgle.


Oh... how I've missed you...
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