Fat-ish

I'm on Green Tea and Lipo-6 this morning, a metabolic enhancement pill that has scientifically proven capabilities of loosing the Demons of ADD upon thee. I feel like I could run through a wall, talk to it, or cry. It's rather liberating. It's only a 1/2 dose, too, which makes me wonder how people make it a full day taking up to 6 of these things. I took 1, and just recently finished bare-handedly gutting a cougar. I took it because, normally, it acts much like other speeders to dial-in my focus. I didn't eat breakfast before taking it, however, so now I'm just sitting here doing some full-body muscle contractions in between fits of upper-lip sweating.

My fat content is in the black, that's one positive way to look at it, I guess. I could drop about 20lbs and cut my bodyfat % to 10, which would be awesome. I have abs, I can feel them every time I suck my gut in to strap my belt on. I've always been big, too. I'm broad. Evolution-wise, I figure I'm one of those who would have been hauling stuff when I wasn't fighting it for the amusement of others. And I exercise a lot, at least 4 solid workouts a week. It's time to quit fooling myself and work more cardio into the mix. Why on earth do I need to work my military press back up to 225? Doctor says I'm in phenomenal shape for a Business Analyst, which means, in the past 30 days, I've eaten upwards of 3 salads.

Much of my life seems to be this weird mix of my being less-than-confident in my appearance, always glancing at the roll sitting on top of my belt-line. I'm starting to exercise more for longevity than movie roles. Don't get me wrong, I'd like to be in the kind of shape where it's a crime for me to keep my shirt on, but sooner or later you have to stop working on your Tris, Back, Hams, and Pecs, and work at least a little on your personality.

Here's a good example. There's a guy at my gym who is in really good shape. He's probably early 40's, drives a Benz roadster, no wedding ring, chats up the ladies quite a bit. Tans a lot. So much so that he always smells like burnt fruit. Recently took a leave from the gym for a broken wrist. Here's the topper; Really Bad Toupee! It's a TouPerm. It's a desperate move, and it really kills the rest of his vibe. Last week I walk into the locker room and notice a bad Toupee outta the corner of my sense of humor. I think "oh hey, he's back from his wrist thingy."

I change-up and head out to warm-up, and see Toupee Regular talking to… Toupee The Sequel! Another guy with a toupee, which stopped about a half-inch above his ears, was over working out, and they seemed to gravitate toward each other. I don't know if they went to the same barber or taxidermist, but it was like they had found their perfect gym-match. It was then that I decided that my longevity was 65% Important, Performance and Appearance mixing in at about 35%. I'm realistic about how I look, and it motivates me to work a little harder, eat healthy, and supplement my workouts with the occasional vodka-colonic.

For me, the shit-end of the stick is that some people have never worked out. So they hit the gym for a month, drink only one Mt. Dew per day, cut back Hot Pocket intake to twice a week, and a month later they're down 15 lard-bricks. I then ramp my cardio up to 3 times a week, 45 minutes a stretch, and switch back to the basic compound lifts, and lose 3 lbs, most of it from not drinking beer. So maybe it's my own "system" that is set up more for hard winters and lack of access to dairy products, and I haven't evolved yet to the Balanced line. Overall, I like me. If someone doesn't like me because of the fat on my waist, then they aren't really the kind of person I want to have cups and cakes with anyway.

So I've got Fat to spare. Even though I wish I didn't have as much as I do, at least I'm not wearing it on my bald spot.

Oh shit, I'm going bald?

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