Made It... barely...

At this time, the conclave has begun, and will begin discussing where I should have lunch. Come on, Sean John Quizno's.

Killorn, seriously... did you post somebody else's satirical take on Kevin Federline's drama? You'll have to re-take the WASL now. Killorn is better than that, isn't she, Class?
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I usually use Mozilla FireFox, but it's got a glitch when I throw a hyperlink in this blog. And, shitting thee not-eth, I had IE open for exactly 2 minutes before the first pop-up. I don't want Smileys, I don't want a fish screensaver, my loan isn't coming through, University of Lower Cleveland Terwilliger Institute for Financial Harship can wipe their collective asses with the degree I won't be getting from them. Cripes, we can't stop a dancing chicken flash-animation from popping up, no fuggin' wonder Microsoft has to send out security patches all the time.

Microsoft isn't a monopoly. They engineer poorly so that other companies can make money. They all shook hands on in it over a sixer of Thomas Kemper Orange Sody-pop!

Go get FireFox.
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Oh wait, now I get it.
"Meet the FOCKERS!." That's... whew... good one.
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This is my first day back in the office after 3 weeks of working from home. Not much has changed. NoMakeup Sandie is still LA-HAT-HAFFING down the hall, a self-important Project Manager has called another meeting, the network is really slow, and people I report to are total maroons.

For the 5th time just now I told a woman that the January report she has previously asked me FOUR times for is not in existence. Ask again, it's not going to magically appear like some fantasmical father figure she missed at every Christmas.

I am leaving shortly to work from home again. Believe this: my laptop is running slower here than on DSL. Rad.
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and now, Comedy Weekend Review!!!
~Budget Inn Motel Room: Oregon City, OR~
First up, the lobby. There was an overpowering melange of odors. Antiseptic cleanser, but not Lysol, more like when your dog has a tube hanging out and you can smell the healing process dancing the Tango with the iodine and scabs. Thank God they were burning incense, though. I would hate to take in ANY oxygen while gagging.

Next up, my room. Oh wow. I've stayed in some pretty nice places. This one was gross. The Zagat rating was 2 buttholes. On the way to my room, I passed Room 211, which had the window open and some desktop speakers on the windowsill. Blasting forth were the notes of Three Dog Cream, or FogShat or that 70's-era Freedom Rock crap. Also blasting forth was the singing of the inhabitant, who was "totally feeling it, man." He said that to another "dude" while rocking back a Hurricane tall-boy about an hour later.

I asked for a smoking room, and lucky me, they had one. The smoke kind of dampened the odor of despair, which smells a lot like Ranch Dressing, gas station Drakkar, and Jack Osbourne. My carpet was dark-ish. It could have been dark red, brown, gray, or green, I couldn't really tell. Looking down caused me to lose my balance. My room had two queen beds, HBO, and pubic lice. Room service was a bedpan and a needle exchange bucket. There were cigarette burns on the ledge of the tub, which was 18 inches from the toilet. Get the picture? People were smokin'... and crappin'. At least the meth cooks of previous stays were into time-management. Top it off with hot & cold running schizophrenia, and ya got yerself room 215.

The guy at the front desk had this request of me: "(My) room has two queen-size beds but please kindly use only one." I slept in my car. I only really needed a place to crap and smoke. Which ended up happening in the parking lot. Worry not, I was far from the first to break the barrier for that combo. Maybe I stepped over a burrito or a sock, I don't know, I don't like to get involved. There were cigarette burns on my bumper, so I had to keep my eyes peeled.

ESTACADA,OR: "What Would Have Happened If the South Had Won The Civil War."
Owen: No, I didn't make it to the Safari Club, but it was referenced numerous times as being the most ridiculous thing in the city.

I have to do some actual work now, so I'll be back in a bit.

More to come:
Estacada & Oregon City comedy reviews
New slogans for Portland
Are People Actually, Despite Much Empirical Evidence, Good?
What It Smells Like In Here

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