What You Are Laughing At

Must we have 5,936 different styles of Debit/Credit Card readers?

Customer Usage Negotiation Technician: "Push the button. The green one, that starts it. The red one will, no, see you pushed the green one twice, now you've killed a one-eyed kitten. Nice going Pushy.
"Okay, hit the green button ONCE, okay? Wait a second.
It usually takes a second."

Me: "Hmm.. I actually have the cash here, let's just ..." BEEP

CU: "Okay NOW hit the Debit button and slide your card through. The stripe has to face North or... nope, that was South. You're getting ass zits as we speak.
Try it again. There you go, it wasn't that hard was it???
Okay so now punch in your PIN number."

Me: "It's PIN, not PIN number. N in PIN stands for 'number.' "

CU: "Like you matter. Okay, here we go. Wow, you're buying a lot of different lotions. Dry skin?"

Me: "None of your business?"

CU: "Do you want cash back to buy stuff for your lotion party?"

Me: "Yes, I'll take $50."

CU: "Ooh, the warming kind of lotion. Spicy one, you are. Tell me in a second when I ask you again. I'm in a pattern of not listening to what people say to me."

Me: "That explains the neck brace."

CU: "Do you want lotion on your palms for $50?"

Me: "What?"

CU: "Cash back?"

Me: "Yes, $50 please."

CU: "Ooooh, still whoring about, are ya? Well push the button under the denomination of bills and country of origin you'd like the currency to come from."

Me: "What? $50 from THIS country, America. What's going on here?"

CU: "Here you go. Enjoy your day."

Me: "This is $50 worth of Chuck E. Cheese tickets. Get your manager over here."

CU: "I am the manager."

Me: "Of course you are. I should have guessed from the bright eye make-up and look of hopelessness in your eye. Nice brow, by the way. Stout."

CU: "What seems to be the problem?"

Me: "You just gave me $50 in pizza parlor raffle tickets..."

CU: "Are you asking me out?"

Me: "What? Uh... no, I just want my $50, American, in 20s and 10s. I'm in a hurry, this is giving me a massive stomach ache."

CU: "Well why didn't you say so?"

Me: "I did. Twice. And now I think I'm going to explode, let's do this."

CU: "Ahem..."

Me: "What?"

CU: "You need to push the blinking purple button twice, then hit 5 then 0, then... did you just move?"

Me: "Uh, yeah. I'm standing on a candy lump of some sort."

CU: "I thought so. The system's down now. Nice job."

Me: "Look, here's cash for my lotions and whetting stone. I gotta go."

CU: "Thanks for shopping here! Can you fill out this Customer Feedback card?"

Me: "Sure thing... Where's your men's room?"
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