What You Are Laughing At

The First of The Rest of the Last

Apparently I have more money than Mike Tyson right now. I knew this day would come.

Last night I did 2 sets, one at the Comedy Underpants, then a surprise (to me) set at Pegasus Pizza in Kirkland. I did well enough to have someone give me a free beer, send me a shot of Jack Daniel's Old No. 7 , and get to meet some people I work with, but had never met before. They seemed unaffected by the forthcoming layoffs . One woman was also ridiculously attractive, and she BOOO'ed when I touted Road Rage as a healthy outlet to anger. I guess things just work out better when you're gorgeous. Ask Tom Cruise about that. He can't even read. It's a condition the medical industry has dubbed "scientology."

Tonight's the first night of the Jiggles Comedy Laff-Off-A-Thon For the Alcholically Incapacitated 2004: "It's For the Kid's Kids!" contest. The first night for MY week, anyway, the others went last week. I'm not too hot on comedy contests because some guys think it shows who the better comic is, but what is good comedy? Depends on who you are, what you think is funny, and how many friends you brought to the club so you could go long on an open-mic night. Am I funny? I think so. Many crowds think so. I guess that's enough to move it along.

So why put myself through a process that grades and degrades comedians? Because I get to do 5 sets over the next 3 nights that actually mean something. I get to perform with some guys who swing the microphone like they are the king of FunnyLand and we'll get to see how it all plays out. I'm not looking to show anyone up. That's the wrong idea for doing comedy. I want to do the best I can, and when I do the best I can, people have a reeeeeeallly good time. That means, in the end, enough people laughing and liking me turns into me winning some mony-mony. The winner gets an eventual headline set at Giggles and a fight with the club owner over the use of the F-word somewhere between July 4th and Labor Day. WOO HOO!

Also, I get to hang with my peeps, two of whom are America-bound at the moment after a few days Canadia (motto: "Keep It Down, We're Drinkin', Eh!"). I want all of them to do really well in the contest, and I think one of them will be a sleeper pick, getting in to the second round. I hope so. At least we're not road-doggin' it all over the state for 5 minutes of stage time. I'm gonna encourage everyone, but really now, I want my money, and if anyone else is sniffin' for it, I'm throwin' comedy elbows. Dig it.

What are YOU doing, laying out tomorrow's outfit? Remember THAT when you're 55 and staring into the bottom of a bottle of ripple, asking where your life went. You wanna know where? To the back of your sock drawer, nicely folded, waiting for a special occasion. Live, now. Unfold that Life, wrap it around your glistening torso, and strut proudly into the streets, ignoring all snickers and bounds of proper fashion etiquette. Be you. That's enough a job for anyone.

I hate comics who get jokes off the internet or from books, however. I'll verbally face-fork the next one I see. INTEGRITY, my friends. It's still an art form, make it look like you know what the horse should look like without Paint By Numbers. I'm out for coffee.

Hallmark is a Cult created by Homecoming Queens who peaked in High School, and devout women who've only layed with a man for the purposes of pro-creating. But dang, Shoebox cards are FUNNY.

No, YOU are sexy,
Geoff