What You Are Laughing At

Rx: What Not To Do. Apply To Life As Necessary

You can't stop it, you can only hope to contain it, and you can't contain it, neither!!!

Tonight was the first night of the SemiFinals of the Giggles Laugh-Off. Aptly named because I surely will need to laugh the Thursday show off, or somebody will get Punk'd. By "punk'd," I of course mean a serious and public tongue lashing. Don't cross a professional orator after a bad performance, especially one who's bench press is back up to 300lbs. I'm not feeling velvety 'bout now.

It is normally bad form to blame the crowd, but they were groaning at, nay... BOOING certain jokes about a certain President. These jokes are like Olive Garden breadsticks: Even a bad one's not that bad, but you don't want to fill up on them, either.
To boo a joke about a politician is to publicly express that you are lacking a sense of humor. "What? Making fun of the President of the United States? Blasphemy! Treason! Why is nobody stopping this person from saying these terribly hurtful..." So yeah, the President had a joke made about him, a very lame joke that is truly pandering and lowest of the low in "Political Satire." It's not satire, by the way, it's schlock, but that's for another website. So yeah, the crowd wasn't as ready to laugh tonight as they were last week, and it was pretty packed in there. If you boo to say "I've heard it before," great. If you're just verbally turning up your nose, put a sock in it. Cut the "boo," Casper.

So I get on stage after a dude leans into the goofy/dirty boundary, and I'm neither of those. I have a hard time being cute anymore. Regardless, I get moving along in my set, and from the get-go it was a little sluggish. I finally get the crowd on my side, 3 minutes in, and guess what happens? Heckler? Nope. Drinks spill? Too easy! The Rapture?!?! Goose egg. Here's what happened:

5 guys in the back of the club, about 50 feet from the stage, standing above everyone who is seated, and the dudes talk, talk, and keep talking. It's hard enough to perform when the only voices I hear are mine and the 3 in my head. (editor's note: They're harmless, just Sir Isaac Newton and 2 poncey Age Of Enlightenment swags.) But this show is LIVE, there's no "do not call list" to sign them up on. Why isn't there a Spam filter on a-holes in crowds? These people are human "pop-ups," and they can't be clicked away.

So why am I edged on this? Three reasons: First of all I had to waste time in my set to berate the idiots. Couldn't get up to speed, so I couldn't tell if a joke worked, just had to wing it and be in the moment. Not bad, but not what I intended to do tonight. Second, the group should have been told by the staff to quiet down or leave. Didn't happen, so I had to do it and waste my time. Third, the only person who could have made the evening better is in Arizona until tomorrow, and until I have some face time with that beautiful human I'm gonna focus on sleepy pups, because they're soft and they don't talk during my set. YOU try being mad looking at THIS. If you don't get a little sugar inside on that, I ask you this: Is it fun collecting Student Loans?

Let's bring it all back to what really matters: What did I learn from this, and what can I pass on? I learned, early on in the week, that it's vital for me to go out and have fun and worry not a bit about "competing." So I had a great attitude going in. But I didn't have any fun tonight. 3 hours of driving for 8 minutes of blathering and 2 minutes of berating trucker hat/pooka shell necklace clad frat remnants. I feel a Limp Bizkit song coming to life.

In conclusion, it's after 3am, so this is not at all funny, nor as aggressive as I felt after my set. But I learned this: Even when it's going poorly and you have to make your own fun, stand strong into the wind. That way you can find where your enemies are, and be upwind if you get scared and mess yourself.

God bless. I will, I will, rock you.
~Geoff