Workin' Out

It's been well over a year since I last swung a picture badge past a security box to enter a building. During an interview last year in California, a young recruiter was confounded that I had not been employed for over 5 months. Her exact question was...

"I notice, like... quite a gap in your employment here. What happened with that?"

I won't read into what EXACTLY she was getting at, because I'm likely too smart to be able to. Her tone wasn't one of earnest discovery as much as accusatory anticipation. BUT, I think what she meant was "Why aren't you working when it appears that you (me) had a great job with AT&T?"

There are a few ways to answer this, but only 2 true ones. If you want to know them, you have to either be interviewing me or a dear friend. The casual conversation may only be bogged down while you wait on that $1 worth of a $5 sandwich comin' through the broiler. So, the WHY and WHAT of my employment gap is for me to know and for you to offer me the chance to show you why I'm a great hire to find out. For the record, I was not fired from my position with AT&T. I haven't been fired from a job since college, and it was completely the right thing to do, because nobody's going to believe you when the other guy in the clown suit has a bloody nose and won't stop crying.

Let's not forget that a LOT of very smart, capable, and considerably less-handsome people have been out of work for quite some time due to A MASSIVE ECONOMIC DUMP taken under the guise of "bad lending practices." Lest we forget, there are plug-ins and WiFi capabilities in any number of COFFEE SHOPS within a few miles of your home, 12-step meeting, dog's groomer, and office. How did we ever lose productivity? That's a question to post on your FaceBook profile, I s'pose.

And what transpired between the day I left until now, where the "gap" could have been filled in with money and $ecurity and routine the ribaldry of "Employee Recognition Day: You Work Here, Right? Have A Muffin!" , well... like, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

But seriously, somebody's about to hire a freakishly capable Business Analyst. Like... yeah.

My Book About Corporate Life, DONE

For those who don't know, haven't read this very often, or just need to be caught-up...
1) I'm going to be a dad in about 2 weeks.
1a) Yes, I'm a little freaked. I choked from rapidly drinking WATER 2 nights ago.
2) I spent a decade of my adult life in cubicles for a few of the Giants Of Industry, and laughed to tell about it. Some on-stage, much of it over drinks I shouldn't have pounded in the parking lot.

3) I decided to write a book about the experiences of #2. Poop joke? Not exactly. And "yes." But not exactly.

The book is about my experiences as both a Full Time employee - sardonically labeled "permanent employee" if you're dumb enough to believe that - AND as a contracted/temp/consulting employee.

There is a class war, a caste system in place among those cubicles and hallways, all based on the color of a person's access badge.

COULD IT BE? Can a person be JUDGED based on the color of their badge, designating their worth, place, input, salary, and attractiveness to a company?

HELLZ YEAH

And THAT is what this book is all about.

The daily work situations of every employee of every major corporation, and how it affects them based on something so small, yet so big... the color of their access badge.

Send me a note, I'll send you a sample chapter, you tell me what you think. Please?

Take Me Home

My Blog About My Dad

Big News!

Things are going better every day here in the City of Angels.

The past weekend of shows at Parlor Live, in case you didn't make it out, were Awe-and-then-some. It was a riot to come back to the homegrounds and play for a new group of people, and to work with the ever-hysterical Collin Moulton. That guy's good for any type of comedy. Political, goofy, smart, weird, he's got it all. And he can choke you out.

Majorly big Thanks! to all of you who came to the shows. We're working on getting back there in a few months. And if you're in a part of the country other than Seattle, let me know you want me to come see you, and I'll dial it up for your local club!

Other news!
I'm finishing The Book soon. It's been a couple years in the making, but it's going to be a great piece to get out to the world. Based on three influential experiences of my life (2 books + 10 years in corporate america), this book is for anybody who has ever worked in an office, worked as a Consultant/Contractor, and thought to themselves... "I must have done something awful in a previous life."
The goal of the book is to get it out there on the cheap, sell a ton of copies, and to do some touring behind it, sell it like crazy to big companies, and bring levity to a world where the workplace is sometimes the cause and cure of our ills. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HEARING MORE ABOUT THIS BOOK, EMAIL ME! I want to start building a group to push the book!

Los Angeles Comedy Festival! I have two nights at the Festival this year. Hopefully we'll bring a good number if Industry gangstas into the shows. This is my first "big" show in LA, and I'm excited to knock this thing outta the park.

And if you ain't heard yet... we're having a baby!

Stay funny, stay awesome, stay positive. It's gonna work out.

AND I NEED A JOB, so if you're a company looking to hire somebody smart, who knows how to be a team-player and will kick much ass... let me know, would ya?

Take Me Home

My Blog About My Dad